Memoirs Q40: What are the most important Societal Changes you've witnessed in your lifetime?

I would automatically mention the EDSA revolution of 1986. You could say I was a front and center witness to things that transpired then. I saw history in the making. I was experiencing the hardships of the country with the low trust factor the county was experiencing from the International community from the conjugal dictatorship of the Marcoses. Then I witnessed the events leading to the Aquino assasination, the snap elections that Marcos decided to happen - Cory Aquino becoming the oppostion front runner - how the houswewise, challenged the (not so) strongman -it was rumored he was not well. How the election results were not going his 'as expected' lopsided way, how the nation suddenly rejected his party's path to continuity of power.

There were so much anomalies, that it seemed so 'thick-skinned' for the politicians supporting them to continue the narative of being transparent. Then it happened... as I was about to go out for a Saturday night, the Ramos-Enrile group decided to break away form the government. There are so many narratives to the reasons, but the fact was, these two - and their supporters decided to break away from the Marcoses and their cronies. Enrile the Defense Minister, who knew a lot and even participated in some propaganda moves, and Ramos - the West Point trained General witht he highest integrity, who probably got tired of General Ver's dictates. They started a miliraty movement to break away. They were soon supported by the Catholic Church, through Jaime Cardinal Sin, and later joined forces with the Aquino-Laurel faction.

What seemed a war of attrition and civil disobedience suddenlt turned into a peaceful demostration that blocked the busy streets of EDSA - a major thoroughfare in Metro Manila. For several days, people were out in an act of civil disobedience. Bakc then I was a graduate with no job - as there was a dearth of emplyment opportunities. So I was desperate for any change. Needless to say I supported the EDSA peaceful revolt, staying... guarding in the night til morning, at first alone... then with some friemends.

Irony of it all? I was a student of La Salle, and hung around with a group of Ateneans gaurding one of hte possible gates of Aguinaldo - doing our poart to make sure the 'loyalist armies' did not cross to Camp Crame where Ramos and Enrile holed up while calling anyone and everyone to support them. It was while I was with this group, that I saw helicopters storm into Crame - expecting bombardment of the HQ, only to realize that these helicopters joined the rebels. That was a turning point. From then on the momentum shifted away from the Marcoses, unitl they were forced to flee Malacanang.

To Marcos' credit, he never ordered Ver and his army to attack the civilians. Opting instead to be airlifted to Paoway, but then brought to Hawaii. Again, the optics can get muddled. But one thing for sure is that a great reason for the people turning against the Marcoses were because of the irregularities and abuses by Imelda Marcos and General Ver - both ruling with impunity when the then Presdent was too sick to know what was happening.

Yes, it was a historic bloodless revolution that to this date was still seen as miraculous from the point of it being nearly bloodless. And as I said, I was in the middle of it all. Why? Because we lived close ot Crame back then. Friends would even call me to find out what was happening.

What an experience indeed.

Memoirs Q39: How do you Define Happiness, and what brings you Joy?

Happiness to me is having what you want - what you need. That would be health, family, and any activity that I can enjoy.

What brings me joy these days? Chilling with my family - meaning my wife and kids. Even if it's just staying home to enjoy cooked meals. Doing home chores to make sure the house is enjoyable. Pets are also cause for joy - caring for them, be they our cats or dogs. My tropical fish aquarium would give me a sense of serenity, so I like just staring at the fishes swim. Walking my dog - even giving them a bath, seeing them happy as I pet them, letting them sleep at the bed. Reading books, or comics in a quiet nook. Listening to music. Wathcing a good movie, either in the theaters with the family, or at home with a good enough home theater set up.

There are other things I'd like to try, but time can be fleeting. I enjoy solving jigsaw puzzles - be they the 500 pieces or even the 1,000 pieces. I would like to get back to sketching, drawing, maybe even painting someday.

Oh yeah, I find fulfillment in helping others - sharing time with my Toastmasters colleagues. Visiting relatives whom I know welcome me. Reunions are cool too... so long as there is openness, and no drama. After all, Life is too short to waste on needless arguments.

When you think about it, my needs are simple. Just the comforts of life - a vacation once is a while - preferably with the family. A learning experience, either from trainings, symposiums, discussions, or books. Inspirational books that help feed the brain and the soul. Those kinds of things. Depending on what I would like to focus on, I can expound on certain things. You need but to ask me.

Memoirs Q38: What are your views on the Balance between Work and Personal Life?

Work-Life balance is important for me. For example, I don't want to be part of work that demands too much time of me so as for me to have no time at all to share with my family. Even if it's an uneventul weekend at home, the point is it's a break from the office. It was a chance for me to bond with my family. I wouldn't want to be too busy to skip important events like birthdays, Parent-Teacher meets, my kids extra-curricular activities, campings wehre I agreed to be a parent chaperone, family vacations. Family time was precious to me.



"Me time" is also important - so I don't mind staying in a quiet place to read a book, or listen to music.

But if a real need to spend more work time is needed, I don't mind putting the extra hours, so long as I'm given enough warning that such will be needed. Likewise I try to resepct my people's personal time. I don't impose on them. But should hte need arise, I do ask for their understanding. Ironically, in Fujitsu, my team loved doing overtime - the work was a lot, so we avoided getting work piled up. I'm sure my people didn't mind the overtime pay either... but there was one time I asked them to take a break - let them enjoy the weekend with their respective families or friends. Why? Because I know that even if they did not see it, they needed to rest.

So yes, I wouldn't mind spending more time at work, but we need to watch our health. We need to keep our familiar relationships strong, specially with kids. After all, we can't tell them we love them in absentia. Too many broken homes have kids going astray because the parents were never around to help, ro even just talk with them.

To summarize, work is needed - but not to the point of sacrificing health, family and sanity. We need to take breaks, so we can recharge.

Memoirs Q37: Can you share an instance when you had to Advocate for Yourself or others?

I can't really think of an instance when I needed to advocate for myself - or others, at least in a dramatic sense. I would, for example write reccomendations of a friend to others, or maybe even write a reccomendation in general for a colleague in, say, LinkedIn. So does that count? If it does, I would normally say how I know the person, his or her strengths - things taht would make them an asset ot a company that they are applying in. I don't stretch the truth either because I wouldn't want my own name dragged by some falsehoods - so I won't lie for anyone. I won't exaggerate, either.

But when you read certain reccomendations coming form others about me - reccomendations that I did not neccessarily ask for. Ones volunteered by them, I find the things that they say absolutely amazing, and I would love to shake their hands and thank them profusely. This is how they see me... and I am humbled by it.

You see, I don't brag about myself. I've never been comdortable raising my own image. I'd rather let my actions speak for me. I won't promote myself. Maybe during job interviews, I would expound on some qualities - explain my responsinbilities, but I focus on facts. No exagerations. If I have statistics or metrics to prove my point, I can use that. I would like to say that I answer with intergrity.

One example I can share about this was when I was reccomended by Lina, an ADB employee whom I worked closely with one year, but had to terminate my connection witht eproject once the comapny I was connected to ended it's contract of service with ADB. Lina contacted me ans asked if I was still interested to work with the project. I said yes, and she then reccomended me to I/ACT by virtue of my training evaluation metrics. She spoke up for me. Of course, I/ACT still interviewed me, but imagine your client saying they wanted me in the project. That was powerful backing right there.

One specific example I can give on advocating about myself was when the HR manager asked me what my greatest weakness was... I looked around his officew and saw how cluttered his background was and said, we have the same weakness - the capability of cluttering up work files. So I pointed out that yes, I tend to have that problem - just like him. It was the easiest thing that came to mind because I had a reminder right there, and it made me have a connection with him... some similarity. I did not brag, but pointed out that I'm not perfect either. In that sense, I advocated for myself by saying "we're alike and relatable, in that sense".

Memoirs Q 36: What Aspirations do you have for the Future?

A hope or ambition of achieving something... you'd think that at my age, I have no aspirations, or if I had - and not yet achieved them, I'd have given up. Instead, time and age, have made me adjust some of these aspirations. For one, I wanted to be an astronaut. Blame Flash Gordon and the likes. I wanted to explore strange new worlds and be a pulp hero. Yeah, lots of imagination. Well, science has disproven having life on Mars or Venus - unlike the Edgar Rice Burrough days. And I found it highly stacked against me to qulaify for a space program. After all, we were not a space age country with the needed scientists and fundings... much less, the opportunitues to pursue such. Heck, even now, I can't afford a space ride - it's too expensive.

So what else? I've wanted to be a Disco DJ. For a while, I was doing that - though not professionally. Just in High School parties. I would be the guy who know the great dance music - compile them and record in cassetes for continuous play for people (myself included) to dance with. But Life happened, and I could not enjoy those without sacrificing schooling. Even if I did not really like the course I took, I still needed to push through with a college degree, and hopefully land a lucrative job. But definitely not as an accountant.

I had thoughts of being a Doctor - I could help people. Heal. But my dad, and grandfather had other ideas - and disuaded me from pursuing such. The irony of this was that when my dad and his side of the family was getting older, they started lamenting the fact that there was no Doctor in the immediate family. Fools... definitely a lack for foresight. I doubt they remember that crossroad in my life.

I did find the ability to help. Maybe not heal, but definitely help - as a trainer. I imparted knowledge to others. This was what I did for decades. In fact, when I aspire for something, it is usually with the intent of helping others get better in their needed skills. As a Toastmaster, I've found opprtunities to help people improve.

But my greatest aspiration? To see my children - my legacy, improve to be better than me, and be leaders and influences in their chosen fields. My son is in IT, and my daughter in HR. I hope they find both success and happiness in their chosen lives. Meanwhile, I hekp where I can. One feedback at a time.

Memoirs Q35: How has your Cultural Background influenced your Life Choices?

Hmmm... It is an interesting question. I would have to first consider what my cultural background consists of. Let's start witht he obvious. I'm a Filipino. That already gives me a few identities. For starters, I grew up with a Catholic religious belief - with that, I practice what the church asks it's believers to practice. I go to church 'religiously', or at least, as religiously as possible. I am not a dye in the wool, deep practicioner. I tend to have a few practicalities in me - I guess that also means I may question certain logics - but not to the point of being an agnostic. I practice becasue it makes me a better human being - one with a consicence. I follow the tenets of Jesus, and though it may be difficult, I do what I can to make sure I stay in the light of grace. I do unto others what I would want them to do to me (a.k.a the golden rule), I resepct and practice teh Beatitudes, I recite the lord's prayer, hail Mary, appostles creed... but I don't strictly follow holidays of obligations.

As a senior, I am excused for doing fasting - but do abstain when needed. I practice What would Jesus do, or say - given certain situations. I would like to think that this believe and practice has given me a strong moral compass. One that guides me through some uncomfortable situations. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I'm no saint either - though I have not had any mistresses, but this is also because I came from a broken family, and despite everything that religion says, it could not solve my family's dillema. Because of this, I considered Divorce as a needed law... to lessen the sufferings of people 'stuck' in a bad or not-wokring relationship.

Because of this, I've come to the conclusion that God is infallible (by my believe), but his shepherds (priests and religious orders) are all too human and fallible. So I weigh what I see and hear. I also explore... I've read a few books on witchcraft (though have not really practiced them), read up and once owned the Tarot cards - gave it to my mom. (maybe I should get it back, now that she's passed away). I read, and even join Role Playing adventures that some lay practitioners would frown upon - Dungeons and Dragons is possibly taboo. But so is Lord of the Rings for their Wizards - neven mind that the story is about heroism and fighting for the survival of Middle Earth's soul. So this is where I question certain validities... practices, and Church stance. What then, does this make me? A partially practicing Catholic? Should there be a percantage mentioned? Simply put, I'm Catholic... but you can't call me a prude.

Next... I'm Chinese by name, but not by doctrine - at least, not Communist. I don't agree with their kind of governance where we have unism, nor do I accept their strong arm tactics to enforce a double standard between the Party leaders and the peasants. There is obvious exploitation and propaganda to cloud the minds of the masses. I grew up in a (pseudo) Democracy, but despite our government's many flaws - by the politicians, and not the laws, I prefer the freedoms I enjoy. Of speech, of learning, of reading - of having an open mind, and not having Big Brother control my life. Oh, Government is needed to put things right, to leverage equality and fairness - but not control and stifle. No to too much order and rules - but no to total chaos either. So what does that make me?

As a Filipino, I live in a country that is not totally unified. We have so many differences. Language (dialects), beliefs - both from Eastern and Western cultures, and in today's world - there seems to be a Globalized cultural acceptance. Just to give an example, my Grandparents grew up hating Japanese for the atricities of war they experienced. Items made in Japan were of inferior quality. Now? Anime - a Japanese form of cartoons and Manga (Japanese comics) are papular to the younger generations. They pride themsleves in being able to understand the language. Back in my early years, I would not have chosen to understand Japanese - maybe Frentch. As it is, because of college, and my upbringing, I understand a bit of Spanish. I am highly fluent in English. I prefered comic books, or Greek mythology vs. Asian mythology - was this because I grew up oin a family that enjoyed American products? Anyone remember hte Blue Seal cigarretes? I do - because I saw how relatives would smile when receiving them - not me though... I did not (thankfully) pick up the habit. Now? I enjoy Anime, and K-drama. I marvel at the fantasy stories, and mystical nature of certain tales. So I guess, I'm not too lod to learn new likes.

I could go on... but I think this entry's long enough.

Memoirs Q34: Can you tell me about a book or film that has Profoundly Impacted you?

So many to choose from.

I kid you not. From a character-building moment, I would have to say the Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien, I mean who wouldn't want to be part of such a selfless adventure to save one's world? Thogh it may be a fantasy genre, the characters shine here. Who did I relate with? That would have to be Strider. Mysterious, serious, capable, with a hint of dangerous. I mean, he is the reason I started liking Rangers as a class. You come and go, help in the periphery - fend off evil with nary a realization by others that you are doing this for their benefit - in other words, not for getting famous, not for seeking publicity.

Then as the story moves forward, we learn that his leadership may have a sense of destiny. He may be a naturally born leader - but since he's from a family that sort of failed to end the problem they now face... well, he does have a need to prove himself. He offers his sword, and we know his word is his bond. He picks up freinds - not because of who he is, but more of how he treats others. Yup. Strider a.k.a. Aragorn was someone I wanted to emulate.

Naturally, when the movie came out, I was elated. I mean I first read thr trilogy in the 80s during my College days, then reread it again some time in the 90s, and again in the 3000s - at least until the movies came out. From here on then, I watched the movies and marveled at the production quality. Did the movie do Aragorn right? Well there isn't much to compare with, so I guess Vigo Mortesen rendered Aragorn just right.

So both from a book and moview aspect, LOTR is up there in influencing me.

Is this the only book, though... not a chance. From a self-improvement perspective, I would have to mentioned Steven Covey's 7-Habits for Highly Effective People is an influential tome t understand how one gets better. It isn't easy to follow in totality either - but what it mentions is logical, and should be emulated, if you want to improve your inter and interpersonal self.

Another book? Situational Leadership by Paul Hersey, It gave me a great model to follow in terms of leading others. 've been using it since the 90s. So that's how influential it really was.

Memoirs Q33: What Legacy do you hope to Leave Behind?

I have been thinking about this... to be frank, it has been drifting in and out of my thoughts a lot in the past years. I initially thought about the idea of leaving a legacy behind when I read through Stenven COvey's Seven Habits and part of this was to knw what I wanted - my 'why', and what would I want people to remember me by.

I have not had the opportunity to directly affect such a move towards a legacy, though. Then again, perhaps it's because my goals change - and with that, the legacy I plan to leave behind. First of all, I hope that my kids become better leadersa dnd communicators = at least to as much as I can help influnce or chape them. Bernice seems to be more level-headed in this regard, and Bryce seem to be struggling. Intelectually, he's good. He's ana avid absorber of ideas - but there seems to be a disconnectbetween his applying his knowledge to common sense. I hope this gets better soon. Either way, their becoming mature and capable adults is slowly shaping up. This was an old dream/goal ever since they were in their promary ediucation. Now they're working adults. The dream still holds. I don't want to control them - but nudge them towards certain paths.

My next one is a doozy... lead like a Starship Captain. Yes, I am currently not in a strong Leadership position - but there are times I am asked to lead a group. Just a few months ago, I led the Hall of Learners Advanced Toastmasters to reach the President's Distinguished club recognition - the highest a Toastmasters club is given. I also led Division N, making it a better division with a livelier community than when I entered. Not everything was successful, mind you - but I strove to make the best of what I could get my hands on. What I could control. I would say the Division being in better shape is a plus factor. So the journey for leadership continues.

Lastly, to help contribute to making the world a better place - one converssation at at time.There are too many miscues, and misallignments happening and because of these, arguments, wars... it gets frustrating when world leaders focus on ego, selfishenss, power frabs and avarice to effect changes that have global ramifications. It can be so easy to say forget about all this shit, but there cannot be a place so remote enough that you wont' get affected by commone politican's stupiduty. I am still in an impasse to address this - much less start the journey. Instead, I do small actions that affect the people near me. To prove that positivity is not naivette, nor is it a weakness. It is a streth to forge to a better and brighter future, rathen than just giving up and letting ll this shit go to the dogs.

Memoirs Q32: How do you stay Motivated during Challenging Times?

If it were easy, it wouldn't be a challenge.

How indeed tdo I tackle challenges? FOr starters, I don't worry. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. It does not help, mor does it promote a solution. Instead of worrying I may do reserach on how others might have tackled such a challenge. I may research on historical figures, or people closer to home (if one is available - getting advise may help, but I also need to validate that such suggestions are worth doing given the sicrumstance.

I break doen the challenge into manageable aspects. Looking at any project can be daunting, so a project manager needs to identify phases, and within these phases, the necessary detailed actions to be done - hten the solution becomes real and practical. As the saying goes, how do you eat an Elephant? One Bite at a time. (with all due resepct to Elephants).

So to reiterate... don't get into worrying. Look at things logivally, see if hstory has dealt with this in the past. Get ideas. Study the challenge and break it donw into manageable and smaller pieces, orrage these into parts or milestones - ones you can better handle or even delegate to others. Then - like a project manager, tackle the challenge one step at a time.

Memoirs Q31: What are some misconceptions people have about you?

"Oh, yes. I'm the great Pretender..." Impostor syndrome sometimes creeps in on me when I'm in a project. There are times I'm just a few slides or lesson plans ahead of my students, but I get to come across as confident, competent and in control. If only tehy knew, I'm just good at looking calm and collected - but I get to push thngs through. I get to practice in dreak time, do a google search when I give them assignments. My mina tood? Guts... maybe even foolhardiness.

But I challenge myself to deliver - I may have learned something just the night before, but I research about it, and around it, so I have a practical or working idea, and not jsut textbook explanation. That was I can give outo the box ideas - talk tangent, yet still related, and ask my students questions that they apprecaite realizing the answer to. I research, and alwasy look at things from the user, or the student's viewpoint. I try to answer "Why would they need to know this?" or maybe even "How do I get to explain things in an understandable, and relatable manner."

So misconception one? I'm well versed in so many things. Well... not really. A few really deep cut - that's possible. I sound confident - perhaps because of my Toastmasters training. Plus the books I've read, or the videos I've wathced. I mean, want ot learn something? You can google search write-ups about it. Or watch how to videos in YouTube. Seek ideas? Watch a TED Talk. One time, I learned how to assemble a PC just by watching YouTube, then taught about it the next day. I even got the comment that I really knew what I was talking about.

Imagine that... I can sing about the Great Pretender and make it mean several things in various parts of my life.

Highly knowlegable? Vastly competent? I wish... I'm just resourceful, an avid learner, and know where to look. Other than that, I may be good at presenting, and talking about leadership - but this is after years of rading aand teaching aout them. I also tend to cross reference ideas. That's me. But being an expert in anything? That can be a stretch... and a misconception that goes around.

Memoirs Q30: How do You cope with Change and Uncertainty?

I would liek to think that I am not easily fazed by change. I know that not everythign stays the same, so there will come a time when I either introduce change, and take it as a challenge to meet the chance in as positive a way I can. Learn from the lesson - then move on. Or if change is suddenly heaved to me... even if it is somwewhat devastating - like retrenchment... I don't lash out and cry 'why me?', nope I think okay... not he end of the world - now what? I try to spin something positive to this and not sit down and worry. Worry won't solve anything.

As for uncertainty? I live one day at a time. This happened during the COVID times. As the world was affected by the pandemic, as everyone was reeling from all the sickness and deaths of this strange, and deadly virus - with no cure in sight, we were all in a state of isolation. It was hard for many - but lucky for us, our family was intact, we stayed at home - followed safety protocols with respect to keeping indoors. I was the only one allowed to go out, for medicinde and groceries. I would wear a face shield, a face mask, and even at the early days, some surgical masks. We had to take every precaution, and the news was not positive - daily statistics of death, stories of how other countries were reacting - the deadly tableu happening around the world. At some time, I stopped watching the news - I knew I was getting overwhelmed, and I needed to focus on other things. My sleeping habits were getting affected - so much so that I stayed awake at night and slept through the day. I guess it was a form of escapism.

So what did I do? I focused on what I could do. Luckily, my family still continues working at home. Laptops and an internet connection became crucial. Zoom became the new tool - allowing people to meet virtually.This allowed us a way to keep connected with relatives, friends, and though we were unsure how long this pandemic would last, we discussed what we did, and planned for what we would like to do should all this go away, and life return to a semblance of normalcy. I bought stuff online - comics, books, even downloaded videas - series tha I've not seen for a long time. Many shows were being broadcst for free - a public service for people to at least enjoy. We all live together became a desparate cry for hope.

We continued living the best we can. Sure, Barbie and I got affected, but luckily, procedures to battle the sickness started filtering in. Strong antibiotics, throat meds... even when the vaccines were starting to come in. We did not follow the government mandate to get the Chine-made Sinuvac - I mean, we did not trust it. Better to wait a while longer as we heard there were other vaccines awaiting approval. Barbie and I were given priority, and we were lucky to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

So living life, one day at a time. Staying focused on routines, watching positive-focused shows. Praying... reading books and comics, listening to music, watchign some classic TV series - like Batman '65 (yes, the Adam West batman show). All these to battle negativity and depression. We talked, shared ideas, plans with each other - it was a tightly closed bonding experience. We celebrated birthdays! Kept i touch with whomever we could.

I remeber attending three funeral services for different people. But later, I just zoned out. We could commiserate. But it was hard to share, to empathize and listen - I needed to zone out for my sake. But Barbie and I talked a lot at night. We comforted each other, It was enough that we could all sleep beside each other - we shared one room back then. So despite all the undertainties, we felt close, and we know everyone else was safe. That was enough for the day. We worry about the next day, when it starts.

Memoirs Q29: Can you discuss a Mentor or Role Model who has influenced your Personal or Professional growth?

I wish this was one question I could easily, and positively answer. I've even had at least four chances for me to deliver a speech to share my thoughts about being an apprentice in one way or another. But it's hard when you can't specify having a mentor, role model or sensei. No one has ever earned the right to be called said role model, it just is. I would have wnated one - lord knows that could have helped me during my early years as a professional. Unfortunately, I never had one. Sure, I had a few friends who could give me advice - but never a mentor.

James from I/ACT acted as a hands-off lead so long as he saw that you were competent. Even Cris was, on occasion, someone who helped - but otehr friends said he wasn't really a friends to me - or spoke unkidly when I was not around. Ah well... Then among friends, I had peers - but never a mentor. Sure, we'd teach each other some life lessons once in a while, but this was more a friend sharing his experience for our sake, and not someone taking me under their wing. Dave, John, EJ (Jingo) - these firends from different groups conversed with me, gave advice,asked for mine as well. As I said - more of peers sharing colective experience best practices.

Now in terns of books... ah, here's where I learned a lot of ideas from varios authors. Steven Covey - thru his 7 Habits for Highly Effective People may be the most influencial. Then we have the Hersey-Blanchard tandem for Situational Leadership, Seth Godin, Robert Cialdini, Tom Peters, just to name a few. I learned mostly by reading - and in the process, collated ideas, best practices and practical tips from a variety of authors. They can be considered my literary mentors.

Memoirs Q28: What experiences have shaped your views on Diversity and Inclusion?

I wouldn't usually give half a mind to consider any politics as it is being mentioned or even exploited. But I also agree that people are people. So when people take action to defend what is supposedly their right, I would defend their right to demand an life of respect, acceptance and love.

This is why I don't mind all the efforts to demand recognition. Gay people are still people, after all.

I also have had, and still have friends who are part of the LBTQ++ (lord if I know all the letters and their meanings), and they have shown the right mentality, intelligence, moral stance even... they have, for all intents and purposes proven their lives to be worth knowing - their friendship worth keeping, and their conversations worth listening to. I'm glad to be friends with these people.

I've had conversations with them, admired how they dance - even had someone propose a possible relationship with me. I politely declined, of course. There was enve one time I was propositioned in the restroom of the Sheraton, and I told him I wasn't intersted. But afterwards, I felt like a sex beast... too bad I had no girlfriend that time, I would have used up my raging testosterone with her. Ah well. So, abyway... bottom line, I respect them. I can accept them as friends - after all, like anyone else, they tend to have colorful personalities. They can be the life of a conversation, but deep inside, they may be doing this as a defense mechanism. I wish them well.

Memoirs Q27: How has your Understanding of Love and Relationships Evolved over time?

As a Teenager, I was filled with idyllic concepts of seeing women in a romantic vein. Of wooing and maybe even saving a damsel in distress. So when I met ladies during our brother-sister class activities, they seemed underwhelming. I honestly was not expereinced talking with ladies - heck, I hardly talked with my cousiins, so knowing what ladies liked was, well, a mystery. Note to self, I may know a lot more now - but understanding women is still a mystery, so I just give up trying.

I never had a chance to have a girlfriend during College, even. I felt deprived at times, why were some people getting action while I was still, well... a virgin. For someone who was a romantic, and not getting any... that was frustrating. I met a woman in the old neighborhood, and this was where I realize that 'Good Guys don't alwasy end with the girl', and what could have been my first romatic relationship ended up in a 'she got tired of waiting and answered someone else'. There were other opportunities, but I had limits - no phone, far from 'civilization' (relatively speaking, knowing I had some admirers, but was never told who).

I finally met my wife-to-be via a job interview. Charming, and this time, we were living in a more accessible locale, and yes... I had a phone. More so, I still visited a friend close to my old Alma Mater - this allowed me to have conversations with her without having my mom lingering nearby. What I liked about my 'getting to know you better' conversations with Barbie was how she seemed level headed, had a good moral standing, and wasn't too egotistic, nor seemingly a majordoma. She was not totally opinionated - I would even consider comparing her to a Maria Clara of the old Rizal novel.

So how did my realization of love come to fore? Getting to know someone, always treating her with respect, and having a lot of simple quiet time with eahc other. It eventually led to getting to know each other intimately. Meanwhile, we were thinking in terms of future plans. We loved each other enough to plan for our future. Marriage, a family, and thoughts of having kids.

Now I can say, I have a more realistic concept of love. Partnership, Companioinship. The mindset of having someone to enjoy life with. Less sex, more leving and loving. Yeah, I still look at PYTs. But it was more admiration - not conquest. I stand by my partner out of love, appreciation and respect.

Memoirs Q26: If you could relive any moment in your life, what would it be and why?

This question got me thinking. Should I consider a time I made a mistake and wanting to go to that place and time to change it? Was there one? The reason I mentiond this is because mistakes add to wisdom and character. That I am the sum of all these experiences - mistakes included. So changeing something might change me entirely. Then again, that was the point. It sould be somethin I want changed - erased. But what?

The other situation would be the opposite. Something I was blissful about, and would want to repeat again - if just once. Where to go for this? What do I want to do... again?

Then again, should this have to be a one time thing? Tempting.

So... I can't really think of any time I would want to cahnge the outcome. Most things I feel as mistakes or even tragedies would be things I had little control over. Failing in Accounting so many times? Not really worth a revisit and reversal - unless it was to reverse results of a test. Was there a time I chickened out , and wondered what could have been? Possibly. Like my backing out of trying to join Kundirana. However, with what I know now, it might have been a fool's journey, since apparently, it wasn't just talent to get in - but connections, and unfortunately I don't think my family connections were to give such needed clout.

On the other hand... those Happy moments could use some tweaking. For example, our trip to Japan felt rushed - even if it was a wonderful experience. Maybe a trip back to suggest foregoing a packaged tour in exchange for a longer stay, a more relaxxed pacing? Same with our other trips? Are we capable of doing this in a more independanet manner? This will most likely be the case. I wouldn't mind reliving those memories, and annexing more in terms of what happened.

Memoirs Q 25: What are the Values that guides your Major Life Choices.

On top would have to be love for Family. I have it ingrained that I would give my family the prioirty for my life choices. Call it a reaction to my childhood trauma with a broken family - but this is something I want to make sure I am able to work with. Family first.

Next would be the want to 'help others' a.k.a. Servant Leadership. This has been ingrained in me for how long? I don't know. Maybe it's an offshoot of reading all those super heroes comic books stories. I'm not a total loon who must fight everyone for Truth, JUstice and whatever was the current option of bleeding hearts. I like Cpatain America, and beleive for what his character represents, but I won't be like him to step out of m way to help others - unless I see abuse happening in public. You can say that I have a moral compass.

It just so happens that I'm already in the middle of the Toastmasters organizational experience, that helping can be easily focused on a Role Taker assignment, or an officer position, or being a mentor. Of course, I also need to manage my time with them - I don't want to be too busy with Toastmasters, that U don't have time for family. There were times just a few months ago where I was limiting my choosing to accept invitations, because they were comming in too often and too close to each other.

I'm wondering if there is a third value? It seems to intersect with the second - which is about having friends. Yes, I have Toastmsaters friends, but I also have non-Toastmaster friends. I enjoy get togethers - but other situations with friends had to be set aside becasue of a Toastmaster activity, or with my preference to spend time with family. An example would be the Band of Bastards. I love hanging around with them, and making music magic. It's just that I had to prioritize Toastmasters activities, and reserve the weekends with family. Funny thing is, sometimes, we as a family don't really do anything - but staying home and chilling with them is still enough. Knwoing that there may be a time - maybe next year, when we won't be complete anymore because our kids may be working elsewhere in a different hemisphere. So I guess I'm enjoying them while I still can.

If I were to adhere to core values, Integrity would be one of them. Respect as well, Loyalty? Depends... this need be reciprocal, and unquestionable. I will probably come back to this some day to update and adjust my answers to this query.

Memoirs Q24: How do you approach Decision-Making in your life?

It depends. IF this were simply a trivial decision making aspect like chossing between two ice cream flavors to buy; and we can't get both, I can simply toss coin - or buy one, then get the otehr next time. Less stress and no need to worry about rpercussions. Choose where to eat between two places? This may take a little bit more thinking. It would depend on mood and preferences. So a toss coin may not be enough.

In choosing something from a handful of options, I could consider which is better between two, then they proceed in round two, etc. I can always use a decision table as well - just consider what the criteria may be. So yes, as the decision becomes more far reaching, more important or life-changing, I would ask to weigh the differing criteria selections. THe more important aspect would be to recognize the better criteria to use.

If it affects more than myself, then I may ask others equally affected (or to be affected) for their options - then go for consensus. The problem begins when I want some data that I feel are important, and don't have access to. I consider if not having this is a deal breaker - if yes, then I wait, or set aside the need to make a permanent decision - likely because I won't be trustiung enough of what I see. This may come across as taking long to decide. Well, better slow, but sure, vs. fast and coming into trouble later.

Memoirs Q23: What are your thoughts on the Importance of Mental Health?

First of all, Mental health is important. Physical health is easy to see - thre are visible manifestations - not so on mental health. Yet one's mental wellness is very important. This is why people need to focus on wellness - to make sure they are able to cope with everyday stress, and can avoid breakdowns. Tihng is, many people may be suffering form mental health issues without either knowing it, owning up to it or even admitting it. Depresion for example is a mental health problem. It isen't easy to solve because many deny it as an issue. It doesn't have visible signs, and some don't even know they are undergoing depression. Yet once you have it, it will be difficult to get out of the funk.

A person needs mental wellness - some owuld even say grit. Others need a helping hand, a listening ear and compassionate person t talk to - someon who can listen.A person who goes around thinking they are losers, will be helpless to help themselves - this is because their reality demands that they are losers, and don't see any alternatives to this. If things start getting better, they might deny it as a fluke and look for ways to find the loer mentality, because that is what they are used to. THen they blame others or tlife in genenral for making them losers. These people cen be in denial. It isn't healthy.

I don't blame others when avoiding toxic people - after all, they are just protecting their mental health. Some have learned after being hurt once. Some continue to take risks if what they truly want os worth prusuing. Others may just give up. I'm all for perseverance, but we also need to make sure what we are pursuing is healthy for us. I know a friend who was mostly miserable during collage because he was chasing after a women who never reciprocated his attention. Some time in those years, it might have been better had he decided that this was not a healthy relationship to pursue. Good to know that he finally found somebody different and got married. But why you look at lal those college years, would that be considered a waste? A positive mindset will look for the good that happened. The lessons learned. THe weak psychie? They'd probably hate college for what it did not give him. Ignnoring possible lessons learned, and denying that there were otehr memories that made College life 'not so bad'.

Bottom line, stay positive, stay mentally healthy. You'll live longer for it.

Memoirs Q22: Can you describe a moment of Profound Happiness you experienced?

Even with this 'Happy' focused question, I feel the need to pasue and think. When was I really happy. and why? There were times I remeber someting and think was I happy back then? Or did the memory of it make me feel happy now? For example, I remember when I was with friends and we were volunteers, guarding ballot boxes in Makati City Hall - the da beofer that, some goons tried stealing the ballot boxes, and even hust someone defending them. So back then things were so tense - not a cause to feel happy, But... while guarding the ballots in the dead of the night, I found myslef describing to a friend who had not collected comics for some time and was confused with what he read from my collection. So I gladly filled in the missing portions - explaing stories that happened, how characters changed, and in hindsight, as I remembered that night, I could honestly say that my knowledge of comics and the sharing of said knowledge in a meaningful and yes, despite the topic, a serisou discussion, helped keep us busy, awake and distracted from the worries of what might happen. How my sharing of m comics knowledge helped us continue ot be brave.How my being ac comic geek found a practical, and if I were even exagerate a bit, a heroic application to life. That makes me proud, and happy. It may be shallow... but how many people get to say that they defended democracy, and comics stock knowledge kept me brave, entertaining others while facing an unkown possibility of fear, yet still staying there anyway?

Other times, I felt such happiness in the middle of a family vacation, when I would look at where we were, how we were enjoing our time together as a family - the bliss of just relaxing. Sometimes this was through some introspection, like the time I stepped out our hotel room - into the balcony, hot cocoa in hand, Enjoying the blissful early morning, watching the sunlight chase the night away, and I just listening to the backgound noise of the birds waking and chirping. Knwong that my family was complete and peacefully asleep in the room. This time of introspection comes few and far between. Sure I probably checked my phone for some stuff.... but the overall cool, quient and peaceful mement was priceless.

Another? My 60th birthday, and the surprise I got upon arrving home - coming from John's house - not knowing this need for me to go out during a relaxed COVID moment, was it itslef a treat for me. But Driving home to a surprise set up with ballons, 80's dance music, and a greeting family. THe surprise, when I was just expecting amundane time to eat... that made me happy. Knowing that this little surprise was done because, my wife and kids loved me. I even danced around while coming into our home.

One profound happiness moment that happened was my last Birthday, it was a HOLA Toatmasters meeting, and i was not announcing it to anyone - not that it was a secret, mind you. Anyone that follwed my Social Media I 'm sure got a reminder about it. Anyway, in the middle of the informal program, everyone present started singing a Happy Birthday. If others did not know it yet - they surely did now. But that wasn't the clincher. One by one, in an impromptu manner, each Toastmaster started to share their thoughts and gratitude to me for being who I am as a leader, mentor, inspiration... t was definitley heartfelt, and I sorely wish I had te presence of imd to record that session. Alas, I did not - but the memory remains. This was probably the ifrst time I experienced colleagues sharing their gratitude with me, about me. It was touching and I had some watery eyes moments. Lucky I did not cry right there and then. That was something, indeed.

The latest was an unexpected sharing by Outgoing District Director Jot Chiongbian when he was thanking his Division Directors for their efforts in leading District 75. I, being the Division N Director, would be the last one he would omment on - most everyone had a one-liner, a moment of success done and accomplished. I expected a simple thank you, as my Division had not produced any exemplary moments. Instead I had a heatfelt sharing by Jot, of how I reminded him of his dad - even getting Pria to agree that he did indeed see similarities in how I acted, who I was, and most likely, the shared values I displayed. So this was not just a thank you for your service, but a thank you for reminding me of my dearly departed father, as well. Wow... that was different, unexpected and a bit embarasing sa it was shared with the whole District representatives listening in. I'm not hard to please, and I'm not demanding. Simple moments of peace and tranquility - ones I know are not your everyday moment, like walking in a field full of pine trees in weather pperfect temperature, or trying to capture the sunrise in various locations, abmiring the beautiful sunset colors, sharing timeless stories of role palying adventures with friends, a laughter and drinks... all these are snipets of happiness that I experience at random (which can be more meaningful), or possibly part of a planned experience. They can be unpredictable - but when they happen, they can feel like magic moments. I wish there would still be more, and I hope others experience similar profound happy moments.

Memoirs Q21: What role does Community play in your life?

When it comes to community, I interret this as more than just the neighborhood we live in. But I'll start wtih this one first. Our family transfered to Cavite last year. Prior to that, we stayed in Manila for nearly 30 years - specifically in Bacood. You could say that this was in the heart of Manila - with easy access to Makati, San Juan, Quezon City and Mandaluyong - we lived in the central parto fo the Metro. Of course, that meant we also experienced how dense the population was, how noisy the streets were, how you could literally see delivery vehicles race through the streets.

Aside from a select few people, we never interacted with our community. We were too busy with work, and the few socials we would attend. Our netwrork of friends were scatttered - and I had a handful of neighbors I was familar with. You could say we were wary of strangers who could rob us - Lord knows there were instances when a break-in happened. And you had to worry about torential rains bringing in flood waters all the way into the house. It was simply a tight communty in terms of population. It was also a frustration that the local politicians dug up an otherwise okay street to have drainage improvement porjects. Though the claim was for the improvement of everyone's convenience, these projects were anything but convenient. The city was alive with the noise of activities. I guess we just got used to accepting the bad with the convenient.

The kicker though was COVID. This was where we were literally cooped into staying in our appartment, and not going out - with exception to me to do Grocery and Drug Store runs. Mind you, we had internet, and it was a great factor knowing we were all present, safe and accounted for - but even that was not an assurance to not contacting the disesase by a casual discussion with neighbors. It was also frustrating that a lot of people did not care that they were spreading the disease by not following protocols - to the possible detriment of everyone else. The city's density was working against it.

So with that concern, plus the flooding factors, we decided to seek beyond Metro Manila for a place we could find - one more peaceful, safe, quiet. We ever searched as far as Laguna, and lucky for us, we found a place in Cavite that was suburban enough. THe place was quiet, you hardly saw neighbors hanging around the streets - most everyone would be waking early to get to work, and everyone else left were too busy tending to their domestic lives. This was a gated community - with controlled ingress and engress and security that matched some high class villages in the Metro - this meant there was a safety aspect. A clubhouse and administrators that collected mnothly dues for services, and a homeowner's associatoin that does not mind us too much, but keeps the streets clean, the neighborhood safe and orderly and can assist when needed. There's also a community pool and small parks - but we rarely bother with that. The best part? Not congested... hot humid because there is still a lot of free space and wind, it's quiet and peaceful - and the neighbors are polite, but we stick to our own. Last Christmas went by peacefully with few houses showing bright and noisy decors, New Year was a but noisy, but not for long, and the smoke did not linger. Lastly, I can walk my dog without too much worry for strays, and let's face it, a German Shepherd demands respect from other local dogs - size difference is a big factor.

Overall, after a year of living here, I'm glad. I do not miss the old haounts. The only minus factor is that it's far from the usual workplace, but not inaccessible. The long drives take just as long as the old 'stuck in traffic' frustrations, and at least the drive is continuous, so it isn't taxing. There are malls around, so we can enjoy dinner out, and a movie. Delivery riders reach our place, so it's not as if we're in Timbuktu - and we have internet access. so I' not wanting in entertainment and news.

Community feeds the psychie, it's something you live with, live around, and adjust when needed. It can strengthen you - or drain you. Give you peace of mind, or make you worry to an early grave. It can be healthy, or draining. In my case, our old haunts in Manila gave us convenience, but congestion. Cavite gives us freedom to breathe, it offers some tranquil moments, but allows conveniences to still be acccessible. It's not a far off retirement place like Tagaytay or even Sagada, but it has a good balance of everything else, We don't feel isolated - some palces may feel far, but if we really needed to, we have cars to allow us to drive there. Community can add to one's wellness and sanity, or slowly strip it away. Bacoor, Cavite is the former. I'm glad we transferred here.