Memoirs Q15: How do you celebrate Milestones in Your Life.

Most milestones are celebrated either in a Hotel Buffet, or we privately order a ton of food and we just celebrate privately as a family. In my 60th birthday; which happened during COVID times, we just ordered food, and Barbie had baloons set up against the wall - she asked me to go to John's place and he kept me busy while they were setting up. So when I got home, I was surprised by the backdrop, and welcome.

Ten years ago, we just went to the lobby of Manila Peninsula to just have a simple meal - then the orchestra played Happy Birthday.

Now, in the family, after my birthdaym Bernice's birthday comes two weeks later... so we do the same thing. Either buy food and celebrate at home, or we go to try a Hotel Buffet. Inviting her friends to said buffet. Of course, on her debut, when asked if she wanted a celebration or a Japan trip, she chose the latter - so we went as a family.

By the ned of May, it's Bryce's celebration, and a week after is Barbie's birthday. So we do the same thing all over again. Our next mielstone? June for our wedding anniversary, and July for our other anniversary (when we became officially a couple). Those are our typical milestones celebrated yearly, with a slightly higher milestone celebration. Other than that, we always celebreate Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year - and at certain times, we would also celebrate with her family, and mine.

I don't expect. nor demand more than this. After all, it is always best to celebreate milestones with loved ones - and for me, my immediate family is my circle of loves ones.

Memoirs Q14: What role has Travel played in your Personal Development?

International Travel has always been an adventure. My very first one was in the late 70s to Malaysia, when I visited my dad. From meeting corrupt ground crew (and being victimized of a few dollars), to admiring how the Malaysian city had a very separate bike/motorcycle lane that looked a lot safer and better planned. I did not stay too long to enjoy the place, nor learn it's culture. I also got to learn more of my dad - more than the usual Sunday visits allowed. It gave me the chance to expand my horizon and see how cloistered I was.

Next was Tanzania, and boy was that an adventure. I'm used to the fact that my currency was lesser than others, so to land in a country that was less developed and with a currency less valuable than ours was an experience. Since this was an SGV project, it meant I also got SGV staff allowances. Good thing too - Dar Es Salaam may have reminded me of the Philippines in the 60's - it's lack of a steel industry amde me witness how construction of multi leveled buldings were being done - mostly by bamboo poles.

I also learned a few Swalhili words, and even went on a Safari.

My next trip was while working in I/ACT - two actually. First was Las Vegas, and attended a computer convention. Learnings? While it was just me and two other companions - my boss and a colleague who was brought along for his technical knowledge? Me? More for training purposed. But I marveled at the convention's size. I also marveled at Las Vegas - we were part of a contingent and I was not too keen to get to know anyone else. I was too engrosed with what I was seeing. There were some dissapointments, though. For one, I expected to hear what was new in the music scene. Unfortunately, I came in at the time when retro was in full swing. So listening to the airwaves and getting a doze of 70's songs like Funky Town was surreal. It was like the Tilight Zone. I guess the fact that we were billeted in Circus Circus did not help remove the retro vibe.

Second was in Singapore - to attend a talk. Problem was, it was my first experience with Singlish and the different tone. So I was being distracted with the pronunciation of the speaker to appreciate the talk. What a waste - oh well, at least there was the Night Safari where ironically I saw more lions than in the Mikumi park back in Tanzania. I also learned that Barbie's body grew real fast (being pregnant with Bryce) and that few days travel showed a very distinct change to her bulge - she seemed very very pregnant. I guess you don't see such change when you witness it on a daily basis.

From there, it was a long haiatus for travel - my next trip was a family vacation to Hong Kong, courtesy of Barbie. This time, it was a great experince to bring the kids to Disneyland, and I smiled and even teared up with my first experience with a real 3D movie. But I likes the overall experince - and watching the kids enjoy as well was the icing on the cake.

Succeeding travels were Japan, South Korea, Taiwan. All family vacations. All exciting and wonderful as far as experiences went. Suprisingly, we all thought that a return trio to Japan would be a good idea at a future time. A Taiwan return trip would be great too.

Enriching? Most definitely. Better for it. And the experiences enriched my memories. I'm not even including my domestic travels.

Memoirs Q13: Can you recall the time when you took a Significant Risk? What was the outcome?

I'm normally a stay safe kinda guy. Not that I'm risk-averse, more that I am a realist in looking at what I can try to get away with vs. what I can lose. I also try to make sure any potential stupidity on my end will not adversely affect those I hold near and dear (i.e. my family).

But there were probably a hadnful of times I just threw caution to the wind, thinking 'to hell with it' and worried about how I'll fix things later. One that comes to mind was the work I was doing before I went ot my Asian Development Bank days. I was working for an insurance company, and reporting to the boss. My role? computer programmer - later, IT guy.

Thing is, aside from being the IT guy, I was dragged around and introduced to the Junior Chambers. But this was not for my benefit, but for his numbers game. He did not really think of others, nor was he thinking of being a volunteer - nope, he was more concerned with getting richer, and having the prestige to get more. He was manipulative, and got people to work for him - preferably 'yes' men.

Thing is, I'm not that kind of guy. I questioned his motives internally - until I started becoming less 'yes' oriented and more, 'I'll do what I think is right', or 'what is morally right' technique. So naturally, I started drifting farther from the tight circle of trust. It simply came to a point that I just called it wuits. Did not bother to return to work, and ditched the job.

I just abandoned the work. No resignation letter. I just could not take more of working for the guy.

Lucky for me, I found the ADB work fast, and decided to go for it.

Why was this risky? Abandonment? That could have been the action taken against me - but I did not care. I guess I wasn't worth the effort. I think he also knew that I knew a lot, and did not weigh the pros vs. cons. I just made sure our orbits never crossed. When the tpoic was about him, I just kept quiet, and listened with disinterest. If it was a critique of his leadership, I would just nod sagely. But boy, did his successes seem misalligned with what I read about leadership. Then again, there can be so many suckers - specially if they don't know him.

How did this turn out? My work in ADB was lightyears better for my psychie. I became happier, and more productive. So definitely, it was worht the risk. How did this turn out>

Memoirs Q12: How have friendships impacted your Life Journey?

I would have to say that friends are the support group one has in life. In my different times, I have had different groups of friends that made life feel much better. For starters, in Grade School, recess and lunch breaks were somethigns to look forward to because it allowed me to stay with friends and either discuss hobies and interests, or play games - Vampire tag was one of them. The whole quadrangle was our turf, as we were tasked to run away from the 'vampires', the 'it' person (or people) who needed to walk around with their shirt collars turned up, so we can see the vampires from afar - and run like hell. The game ends when the bell rings, and everyone goes back to class - albeit, sweaty from all the running we did.

As we got older, and got shuffled into different classes, we met other friends - High School combined the students of Taft with Greenhills - in Greenhills, so it was a new experience meeting others. By this time my main interests and hobies were comic books, and naturally, I gravitated to one or two freinds with the same interest. But through this I also met new friends - mostly from familial connections. It wasn't easy tranferring home and uprooting your life and friends, but that is what happened when we transferred from Life Homes, where I had a group fo friends, to Cubao - oh well, at least I still had my school friends - this time, the ones I met in College.

It was also by this time I got involved with Gaming... specifically, TSR's Marvel game, and through it, later on, Dungeons and Dragons. I helped form the loose gaming group called SAGA (Society of ANachronosts, Gamers and Adventurers) composed of gamers from La Salle, Ateneo and UP. This was our first chance of learning and sharing with each other - oh yeah, and we weren't just from those three schools either. Just majority of us came from there, but we had great friends who came from St. John's as well. We would meet and play in San Juan.

Some of these guys became close like brothers (and sisters), we invited each other to our weddings, celebrated familial milestones, some even became my kids; God Parents.

Funny thing is, some friends - due to life taking us in different ways, disappear, and reappear - others are, unfortunately, living abroad, and I wonder if we will ever see them again - unless they visit the Philippines or if I go to their place.

Now I meet new friends in Toastmasters - sharing the love for public speaking, leadership, learning, mentoring, and helping the organization - via District 75, enrich other's lives.

So how do Frienships impact my life? I would say that friends adds a lot of colors to an otherwise mundane existence. It is the stuff that brings memories that we go back to reminisce about things - be they funny, sad, inspiring... and I love each and every memory I have had with friends - and pplan to continue to do so. in years to come.

Memoirs Q11: How do you Define Success, and how has that definition evolved over time?

In different times of my life, I would say success has been attached to things I desired to get or achieve. For a long time, at a younger age and point in my career, it was achieving success at work. Early on, that would mean learning what I needed to learn and be able to use / train others to use these. A programming language, a program I create shifted to being able to share this knowledge to others and make them empowered with using the new learnings.

An example would be to teach others the advantages of dBase III+ dot commands, as opposed to just relying on basic Lotus 123. I showed my students back then that dB3 was more flexible with the use of data, specially with the sorting and filtering of data for reports. Yes, yes... that comes across as too shallow nowadays - specially with the visual basic aspects embeded into Excel these days, thus allowing pivot tables... but back then, this was the equivalent knowledge level in a pre-windows world.

Another measure of success - one thrust upon us as a training team, was the satisfaction survey of the perticipants / customers, giving a score range form 1 (the worst, or poor), to 5 (the best, highly satisfied). So I strove to get high scores... if not fives. My pride drove me... I needed to prove this to myself, and show it to others. This made me look and be accepted as a great facilitator - maybe not the best, but definitely one of the best.

Evantually, I got tired of getting the high marks - it seemed superflous, and I shifted my focus for success in being able to ensure I could lead the team, do proper knowledge transter - if not from me, then from others in the team. I needed to make everyone better at being skilled to teach differing topics. My aim was redundency - should someone call in sick, I would hope that someone else can jump in on short notice and take the absent person's place and continue the lessons from there. So you could say, my focus and measure of success - at least for me, was to be a better leader, supervisor, mentor to my team.

I already shared my experience in Tanzania - I would have to point out that my stint in the Asian Development Bank, exposing me to different nationalities and cultures, helped me tackle diverse audiences. Ironically, it was not to ignore the differences - but learn about them, and find similarities. Or share knowledge of how these differences,make me get to know each individual even better.

So my view of success changed based on what I deemed as important to get the job done.

However, when I got married, and barbie and I started raising Bryce and Bernice, my priorities and measure for success, likewise shofted once again. This time, it was to be a good provider, a good husband and a good parent. I opted to be a good example to my kids.I needed to be a batter partner to Barbie - to prove we could be a loving family. I was painfully awar of the difficulties I went through as a child in a broken family, so I used staying together as a family, and making things work, as a measure of success. To date I still work with making the family stay together, and I may have been lacking in some things, but I compensate in other means.

As a Toastmaster, I've had some metrics to follow as well, and though I may not be able to achieve everything I wanted, I still focused on some intangibles. I made HOLA shine, and I made Division N feel more solid as a community.

Now? My measureof success is to make things better, to anake people better - to coach, mentor , lead, work side-by-side with. I need not go after millions - and I would think twice about that if it would sacrifice my family's wholeness or happiness, or my personal integrity as a civic leader.

So yeah, now success is about building a better world, one step (or action) at a time. Build a legacy - but cotinue learning, improving, and caring, sharing, celebrating life when I can - though responsibly. As much as possible. I want to enjoy life within my means. Accept what I have, and challenge myself with what I can change.Stay humble, stay simple, stay grounded - follow my true north, and live life the way it should be dome - peaacefully. happily, responsibly.

Memoirs Q10: What have been the Most Rewarding Experiences in your Career?

I had to pause and think about this. For starters, I neede tothnk about what rewarding is about. It couls be possible that my definition of reward wold have been different as the decades came and went. Thus my concept of what was rewarding - in hindsight, may prove difficuly to discern. Career may also mean things outsidfe from just work. This really made me think - and to this day, as I tyle this out, I am still wondering what highlights I might have, that would define 'rewarding' and experience.

I could surmise that it had to deal with overcoming a challenge - to prove myself to otehrs (and myself as well). So what can I place in that category? I could say my trip to Tanzania. It was a challenge to go there and teach sometihng I was not too familair with - I mean, I knew Systems Analysis - but it was not something I taught rgularly bavk then. But teach it I did - with Nelda (my training partner taking teh major modules of Analysis and Design, while I took the rest. I covered Infl Planning, Data Analysis, Ststem Security, and Relational Databases, among others - all in a span of three weeks. When Helda talked, I assisted - specially in the exercises protion of the workshop.

Through sheer grit, some hutspah and tapping into real life knowledge, I got to complete the training. Nelda left a week earlier when her workshops were done, and I stayed on. I was married with Barbie on her last trimerster - but I knew I had a lot more time to spare before her giving birth to Bryce. We even had a long distance conversation - and boy, did we pay for that.

In the end, though, I was able to save up a bit, and got Barbie the watch she wanted - actually, I gifted her with the higher version. Somethign I was able to buy in Dubai Duty Free. So there was a little monetary reward. That was a nice time. I successfully completed an assignment. Proved myself to my boss, and in the process showed people that I was a highly competent and dependable instructor for I/ACT/

Second most rewarding experience would be my capability of handling my team - two different teams, two different times, two different companies. Why do I emphasize this? Oh nothing... just the fact taht I was able tomake them highly productive and close - a team that woulc collaborte with each other, help each other out, and I'd like to think that I was ale to do this with a good enoug Business model (Situational Leadership), and even whe I was not the lead on a third comapny, I still found people gravitating to me because I knew how things were run in training sessions.

hree... my ability to absoerb and teach new stuff - be the technical or people skills related. Something I still can do. This makes me confident about accepting assignments that are training-related.

Lastly? Maybe my Hall of Learners Advanced Toastmasters experience - oth as VP or President. This was a great team of individuals - leaders or influences all. When you are surrounded with highly capable, positive and eager to help indivisuals, leading becomes a breeze. Not to say it was alsways easy, but it was great to see people work and collaborate. This is the kind of team I wouldn't mind leading any timr.

Memoirs Q9: Can you share a Significant Challenge you faced, and how you overcame it?

I can share two - both work related. Both while I was with I/ACT (the Institute of Advanced Computer Technology). These happend sometime early to mid-Nineties. The first one was when I was assigned to teach in the Asian Development Bank (ADB) as part of the Computer Training group. My boss approached me one day to ask if I still know my Systems Analysis training from my I/ACT days as a student. I said vaguely... but I could refresh myself. She said I could sit in some night courses to refresh myself in Makati. Reason, she wa thinking of sending me as part of a two-person team to teach staff from the National Bank of Commerce, in Tanzania.

Apparently, I was noticed when I volunteered to teach weekend classes aside form my ADB assignment. This showed initiative, which she liked. Hence sshe thought of me for this project. I would be flying to Tanzania and stay for about a month. Both to teach and assist in the courses. I asked if there was a training manual I could use, and without batting an eyelash, she said yes. I would have to bring the manuals and transparencies (those acetates can really be heavy).

The challenge was that when I was already in Tanzania - at Dar Es Salaaam, I realized that he manuals were less helpful than I jhoped for. I ended up studying at roughly 1am, after a few hours of sleep, and thinking, wondering, connecting what I read, with what I knew about businesses, and the IT world. At times, I was just a day ahead of my students. Boy, was that challenging. To make matters worse, telecommuncation from Dar Es Salaam to Manila was not that efficient, and it was exxpensive too. So I couldn't ask for help for people back home to help explain cetain concepts to me.

Bottom line, I was able to conenct things in a practical way, and this was how I presented the ideas to my students. I didn't know it yet, but I apparently was using a prefered manner for knowledge transfer by connecting the ideas to practical applications. So, yey me!

Challenge number two.

The comapny underwent new management, and I stayed on to help the new managers run the business side of Training. I was now the boss in the first scenario. Unfortunately, there woudl be some decisions by the owners that would not be easy to sell. One particular case was with our Hardware training line up of business. This was a series of three classes - one week each. Highly technical. It was also run by a part-timer, J H. I hide the identity to keep this person safe, but I'm sure people working back then with me, will know who it is I'm reffering to.

The prblem started when managment decided on a price increase - naturally, the students taking up the first module saw the price increase and complained. Unfortunately, Jun did not help placate them, and even sided with them. Though they had valid reasons, Jun's style fanned the flames of anger and frustration of the class - then turned the problem to Marketing, who could not control the angry class. So they asked my help.

I already saw that this was a situation mishandled by the instructor, and Marketing was not able to control. They simply had no say in the price increase. So my first act was to remind everyone in the room not to shoot the messenger. I listened to their concerns (liek i said, they were legitimate ones) and promised to raise the issues with the new owners. I left feeling frustrated, and sought the owner - explained the reasons, and asked they consider keeping the price back to it's original one for the current students - so long as they would continue to the next scheduled classes.

To me it was simple - keep the prices as it was and have a guaranteed two more weeks of classes, or possibly lose these two due ot disgruntled students. Luckily, Management agreed, and I went back to the class to give htem the good news. I received a room full of applause, and that sort of assuaged my stress earlier. So... great work, me. I listened to the customers, showed my concern, said I would talk on their behalf - though no promises were made. Then I got to present their concerns to Management, and got the exemption to the price increase for hte current class... no thanks to the instructor, who washed his hands form the problem.

Memoirs Q8: What was your first job, and what did you learn from it?

My first job was as a developer in EESSCOM - I forget the aronym, but it was a PC assembly company that sort of repackaged, painted, then sold the PCs. I was hired as part of the software developemnt team, but also became part of the after sales service team. Part of the package back then was for every PC sold, there would be a free training in some software. These were DOS, Wordstar, Harvard Graphics and maybe even Lotus 123... just enough to make the buyer able to use the PC they bought.

What did I learn? FOr starters, that the business wasn't totally honest with what they sold. THey had two lines of PCs - one more expensive thatn the other - but the inner workings were all the same? The difference? The other was a dark gray colored casing (all painted internally, of course), so what the customer was paying for was just paint for the more expensive line. I also learned the need to test the PCs after, by keeping them on overnight - complete with monitors looping certain displays - their version of a hardware stress test.

I learned that if you were not in sales, you were not important in tihs company. I even participated in a 'fixed' bidding for a province, wehre we were supposed to represent different companies bidding for a hardware sale to the province. i was given the task fo representing one company (we were all formone company though, and I believe the Governor knew this). Man... I didn't enjoy that.

Given the chance, I got out to seek better employment.

Memoirs Q7: Were there any pivotal moments in your life that altered your path?

I will need to reflect on this a bit. Will update when I think of such things.

Okay. It really depends on what we mean by pivotal moments here. A time when I had a bad moment that made me realize I should be better than this? Sure, it happened. When I was in Grade School I got away with shoplifting - it became easy for me - unitl I got caught. Boy was that a humiliating moment for me. If I could run away, I would have. Anyway, I stopped doing it because it wasn't worht the agravation to me and my parents.

Another pivotal moment? Let's see... I can't really say. Maybe I can recally bad moments. As for good moments, well... were they life altering? The forst time I held my son; Bryce, in my arms - I was present in the delivery room - I remember the doctors were even asking if I was feeling woozy. Maybe some husbands fainted in the middle of it all? I don't know. But I flet a life moment change - form that moment forth, I was officially a father... responsible for the life of a helpless child. I did not get the same feeling with my daughter; Bernice, though, because I wasn't allowed to enter - as Barbie wasn;t the only pregnant patient around that time.

Did I get other epiphanies along the way? Like the start of this entry, I'll just update it as I recall something really important.

Memoirs Q6: How did your Education shape your Worldview?

In Gradeschool,I went to La Salle Greenhills. How did this shape me? For starters, I grew up in a more often English speaking environment, so I became a fluent speaker - as the years went by, my vocabulary increased. We even had speech classes, and a laboratory where we would record ourselves and listen and our teacher would comment or correct our pronunciation. Hence I need not worry about Grammar police when writing or speaking to others. My Education in this continues to be honed and sharpened by my joining and being active in Toastmasters.

In High School, I took my status as a La Salle student for granted. I did not see why others saw it as an asset in society. Guess that was because I was exposed to the environment all the time - I've seen what was good, and bad, and how I did not put this matter on a pedestal as others seem to take it as. It really did not get me to win dates with the girls... though that was also because I was not in any position to use it.

In College, I experienced a different world. Suddenly we wer co-ed, and I had friends taking differnt courses. I was taking Commerce - with an initial focus on Marketing, but I was seemingly immersed in something alien to me. Marketing needed someone who could talk, sell, convince others to buy - that wasn't me. I was more an introvert. Later I switched to Finance. Better... though I really did not like worksheets, and journals, and just appreciated spreadsheets better because they allowed for quick computations. But really, I wasn't too keen on learning the ropes about business, and I just graduated out of sheer determination. But boy, did I feel like a fish out of water. So how did this shape me? I dunno... it was a confusing time in my life - lucky for me I had friends.

Beyond College, I took a comprehensive Computer course in the Institute of Advanced Computer Technology - this was where I learned computers, programming in BASIC, a but of COBOL (too clunky for me, and I did not finish it within the given timeframe) and Systems Analysis - which I loved. I absorbed the concepts, the PERT chart, the Critical Path, I liked planning, and problem solving. This, I could do. So yeah, I got technical.

In my rather first job, I was a programmer - but I was also introduced to the Junior Chambers, wehre I learned about leadership, and thinking of projects with zero budget - needing to source these. The club taught me politics - which I did not like, and gave me a chance to be a trainer, when I took the training for trainers program. This gave me the needed skillset that I would be using for decades.

So how did all these shape me? For starters, it helped me realize more about people skills - and in so doing, become less an introvert, and more an ambivert. It helped me communicate, understand and even teach. Because I had great comprehension of English, I enjoyed reading books from a varied of genre - SciFi, Fantasy, Adventure... not much on Horror or Love Stories. Epics... depends. I got to Finish Gone With The Wind, Frank Herbert's Dune saga (all six original books), Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, even soemthing seeming as technical as the Tom Clancy books. I have a small library and I continue to add to it - though slowly nowadays... prefering audio books these days, or digital copies. Space became a concern, so I even have some disassembled book shelves. Just waiting to find the proper location for them, and my books.

So... I'm a searcher for knowledge, a wanderer for advanture, but I am also tethered to reality, can understand fianncials, can understand computers and the IT industry, and have built my comunication skills. I can lead when the need arises, I have a conscience and heart. I value integity, because I know how fallible we can be. I know I can be flawed - but despite this, I strive to be better.

Memoirs Q5: What Values were most emphasized in your upbringing?

We weren't given values straight forward like. No posters, or kumbaya chantings, nor were there oaths uttered. Not really. So the values instilled were mostly learned through others' actions (or non-actions).

We start with Respect - of elders, of other people, of family. I guess that would have been ingrained. This later extended to realizing that respecting otehrs with what we say or do to them - hence the Golden Rule of 'Do unto others what you want done to you' - respect by calling people by their name (assuming we can rememebr their name - but even here, there is a matter of respect by trying to make the effort to remember their names. Nowadays, it is alos respect of otehrs' feelings, life choices, beliefs. Seeing others as people - as equals in society's eyes. Having an open mind about things, and others. Respect was ingrained in us early on - and it serves me well when I practice it on others in life.

Partnering this would be something that is likewise ingrained - though admitedly, something I at times forget to do. Responsibility, Knowing what you ar responsible for, and knowing how this may affect others if you do, or do not enact this practice.

Then there's valueing truth, or integrity. Being consistent with what you do, and say, and making sure that these are based on truthful knowledge. No pandering of falsehood. This doesn't mean I'm a saint... far from it. But when I am in front of others - what they see is what they get. No pretentions, no deceptions. If I were to foster trust in others, I need to show them that I am dependable, and truthful.

As a boy scout, we had these laws that we uphold. Turstowrthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful Thrifty, Brave, Clean and Reverent. These were the values we expect to follow - and I was in he scouting movement for the better part of my Grade School and High School. I'm surprise I remember them.

I also got some of my values from comics, books, and maybe even TV shows and movies. The concept of heroism - of doing good. Persevering. The Hardy Boys gave me a sense of advanture - a love for mystery and problem solving. It also exposed me to the concepts of friendships, family, and community.

I'm sure they could be others. But these were my early values - most of which I still practice to this day. They form my moral compass.

Memoirs Q4: What are some of your Most Cherished Childhood Traditions?

The automatic response here would be Christmas gatherings. We ould - back in the days, make sure we were together for Christmas. At the least, as a family. But since our family could not get together for Chirstmas, we'd spend the eve preparing for Christmas - even at times going to midnight mass, so when we got home in time for the midnight hour, we'd eat of our Chirstmas feast. This would usually have ham, fruit salad, possibly pasta, and ube halaya which I would have been responsible for making.

Then on Chirstmas day, it would a trip with my dad to our Lola's place, or a relative's where everyone else would be gathered together. to continue the Christmas celebration with my dad's side of the family.

But the nice thing about Christmas, which is why it was my favorite tradition, was the carols that would permeate the airwaves in radios and malls - okay, maybe not so much the malls - except for COD and it's displays. The setting up the tree, and at an early age, I wanted to help set it up, so my mom taught me how to fix the lights before they went up the tree. That was my role. So when the tree went up for all to admire, I could say I helped via making sure the lights were all working and blinking. Oh yeah, not forget the presents. As kids we looked forward to presents, and were either happy with what we got, or disappointed.

Because of all that, the other traditions could not hold a candle to Christmas.

Holy week, for example taught us about Christ's sufferings. But as a kid, a;; I rememebr were that TV and radios would go silent. We would have to fast from a meal - taking on just bread and water, if needed. Plus abstaining from meat- at least until Easter Sunday. Sunday would be celebrating again - sometimes with an egg hunt in the gardens, later... these eggs would be turned into chocolate eggs - as opposed to the hard boiled eggs (I mean, one can eat only so much hard boiled eggs - but chocolates? No such limits. And because things were kinda boring for a few days, Easter wasn't as fun to look forward to.

Oone tradition my dad instilled in me was the love for reading books - I would read a book about the Hardy Boys, and once this was finished, he'd offer to get me another one. I later transferred this to my kids... a trip to the bookstore at around payday, and they could choose any book in the bookstore for me to buy for them. In my dad's case, it was coincidental perhaps... in mine, it was deliberate as I wanted my kids to enjoy reading.

Memoirs Q3: Who had the most significant influence on your life during your formative years?

I'd have to go with my mom. She was the family's pillar She may not have been perfect - and I did share that she could be strict and inflexible... with a my way or the highway kid of mindset. Still she taught me all these things - either as a way to emulate - or vow not to do to others. Either way, I formed my moral compass by these terms.

I learned to be good to others. Not to take advantage of others. To respect others. To keep one's promise, or word. To have a sense of honor - and do unto others... yes, even a healty respect for Religion. But as I said, I also learned a few things like being diplomatic about things, specially when my dad asked about my mom, and my mom asekd about my dad. I knew that saying the wrong thing would fan flames - so i carefully crafted my messages.

Mom also caried her sense of honor too high at times. She owuld quit a job when slighted - not bothering to fight back - thus losing out on others who wanted to ease her out. That would be a mistake, as her family suffered. I guess, she wasn't practical and when she decided... come hell of high water, she'd stick to it. I learned to be flexible and measure all the outcomes before making my final decision. I knew when ego needed to step back. When silence was golden, and what to do - and not do in times of conflict... mostly by dealing with my mom. So yeah, she was a great influence... but not in all the ways she might have wanted.

Memoirs Q2: How would you describe your family dynamics growing up?

Hookay... when I read this question last night, I just had to pause. I felt I was not in the right mind to answer it when I'm tired. I needed to reflect on this, as it would not be a 'happy' nor an 'ideal' story. No there are no deep dark secrets - but it won't be an ideal one either. So here goes...

My family life - growing up, wasn't an ideal one - we would be reffered to later on as a broken family. My mom left my dad while he was gone - and just brought us kids, and our grandma our of the house in San Juan (the H. Lozada one) and we just transferred to a place in Mandaluyong Capitol. The reason and story is fuzzy to me - oh there were depositions made about it when they went through a Church Annulment proceeding, but back then, my mom did not want us to read her statement because we'd lose respect for my dad> I guess she was shielding us from some painful truths. But that would happen much later.

As I said, we left. From my dad's viewpoint we abandoned him and tihs put him on a low point in life where he just wanted to srink and carousse with friends nightly - that is until Lola Nena, his mom, got him to move into her place. There were possibly several reasons for this separation - one of them was when my dad went home and beat me up with a metal hanger, accusing me of taking his wallet. I may have been a relatively naughty kid - no saint, but I did not do that. Still, I got black and blue welts - my mom nearly shot my dad for it. My Lola Nena asked to care for me, and I ended up recovering at her place for weeks. I guess you could even say all this made for a possibly nice TV drama.

But there we were - a broken family. My mom and dad were not on speaking terms, but she, and Lola Ruby had to work expenses through with the rented house. Me? Well what could I do? I will possibly admit I was afraid of my dad after that beat up incident. To this day, I try to stay independent of him. I rarely ask for his help. My sister, Bing bing, who was very close to him - as in she would sneak into his room whenever he got home back then - she was the most affected - possibly with a sense of abandonment as well. Then she felt hope when he invited her to spend some time with him in Malaysia, my other sister, Tizza - the youngest, was close to Lola Ruby, so she did not feel lost, or abandoned. She went with Bing bing to Malaysia. I had gone ahead of them and back - a chance for me to stay with him some time - and he brought me to a doctor to inquire why I wasn't growing up much - and I had just flunked out of College back then, so as far as he was concerned, I was drifting around.

That drifting was most likely because I did not have the needed support that a whole family would have experienced. I entered a course i really had no interest in -I was thinking Medicine... my Grandpa convinced me to take Commerce instead. There was no Syyap in medicine, he said... and I got swayed. Anyway, back to Malaysia, I kinda enjoyeying there... different culture, food was great, and sleeping in a flat - I experienced my dad's life as a top executive for SC Johnson on a reginal scale. I saw how friendly he was to people - with a dash of naughtiness as well. I statred seeing him as a person.

From High School to College, I wasn't the athletic type - I was bullied at times in Grade school. No familes to help me in campus. I had to fend for myself - I had a handful of friends, and we shared similar hobbies - comics being one, and a pleasure to play tag, but with a twist - the 'it' person would be a Vampire, and when you are tagged by a 'bite mark' on the neck (using our hands to mimic the sinking of teeth) - well, now there'd be two of you. Happy times in those brief times in school.

From Mandaluyong, we moved Pasig Kapitolyo, then to Life Homes in Pasig - this was where I got to meet some friends in the neighborhood, and spent my High School years meeting some girls too. We stayed until my College days arrived, then we moved to Cubao, near the Mariposa area. I had a few friends this time, outside of school and in school. My gaming group - SAGA, and my SA barkada. Needless to say, this latter group had me spending time away from home, and not concentrating on studies, until I got too many accumulated failure units, and had to leave, and transfet to the College of Career Development (later called College of Saint Benilde), which was night school.

But back home it was always me being the eldest helping out with house chores. We would have Sundays reserved with my dad - and he would bring us to Lola Nena's place - where I would spend time with my cousins. THere would be times I would even have summer classes with them, liek Karate and Swimming - but that did not last, and I was the quiet, distant cousin. This was because I was never with them long enough to get to know them completely and form bonds of freindships. There would be a slight awkwardness, I guess - having my dad and mom's situation as a non-spoken topic. But I also saw their family dynamics and wondered why we couldn't be that way too.

So... living with mom, who could not answer everything I needed to know. She treid her best to be a good disciplinarian too... sometimes, I'd have felt that she was too strict - but this helped me form my moral compass as well. I saw her look for companionship - but her marriage was a burden that always kept her from enjoying life. She looked happy at times, but these partnerships couldn't last... hence the need for the Annulment. Unfortunately, she did not get the annulment. There would have been times taht I felt the church was too rigid, and her and my dad's life did not check all the needed boxes to get annuled. So she ended up being alone a lot. But she kept trying - unfortunately as I said, sometimes being too controlling and demanding. There was a time I hated her for forcing me to clean the bathroom regardless of how late it was. My sister got married at 28 - and my mom blamed us for pushing her ot that decision... not for once seeing that she was at fault for being controlling, bitter and less empathetic.

Still she was mom, and I tried to make her happy by giving her what she asked for. But when I married and Barbie and I lived for a while in Cubao - hoping to save up and find a different place, her rules made our lives misserable at times. So I was also happy - for Barbie's sake and Bryce, to move elsewhere. Had she been more open and sharing, we could have stayed and helped her and Bingbing out. Later, because of mounting rental debts, she had to leave and transfer to Cuenca, Batangas - with Tizza and her family. Had she been more empathetic, she wouldn't have had to leave Cubao. Ah well... c'est la vie.

My priority was now 'my' family. And I would do whatever it takes to avoid the mistakes my parents had. Being abroken family wasn't fun, endearing and robbed us of the necessary support system to grow into complete and mature individuals. I, at least, had a loving wife, and got exposed to some great corporate lifestyles. I also had some learnings with first, the Junior Chambers, and later, the Toastmasters - so these things helped shape me for who I am. Yer, I can be naughty... but for the most part, I stay carefully respectful of others.

As I said, this might have been an emotional sharing - and a not too organized one too. But it happened. I'm sure I left out a ton of other things - mostly some fun tidbits... but who knows? I might share those as answers to the other possible questions. Yes, I don't peek at the questions in advance, and will answer them one at a time.

Memoir Q1: What is your earliest Childhood Memory?

When I am asked this, I haev to really dig deep into my memories - these were usually about life in San Juan - less the house in N. Domingo vs. the one in H. Lozada. N. Domingo was our place - but I vaguely remember how the house looks. Nope... I jus rememerb snippets connected to emotions.

I vaguely remeber falling down a ladder of sorts and my foot got caught, which left me hanging for I don't know how long - how I was finally rescued and brought ot the hospital, and how this led me to times when (and this was years later), I experienced needing to stop myself from habitually twisting my foot and somehow making it feel painful again - I needed to stretch it, turn it... but in doing so, I was making it feel painful again. Why? I don't know. I just had to will myself not to do this.

Then there was the time I rode a tree stump like a horse, and started giddy yupping, and feeling some pain on my leg whenever I moved it - until I looked and saw a hairy catterpilar with a good number of it's hair (or needles) stuck on my leg already. This was also painful later, because the way they removed the hair was to drip candle wax on my leg - definitely not fun at all... and it had to be done several times until there seemed to not have any hair any more.

I think I also saw a ghost one night ago. I was in the bed room when I woke up, looked at the door and saw an ethereal floating head. I just hid under the blanket hopeing whatever it was would not see me.

In H Lozada, whoch was connected to the N Domingo property via a back driveway.Both properties formed a big L-shaped property. I think the H Lozada property was my grandmother's property. Mom's mom - Loal Ruby> I vaguely remeber walking from one howse to the other.

In the H Lozada house, wehre we later stayed - unsure why we moved and when back then, I remeber haivng a long stair, and I would use a box as a car, and ride it down from the top of the stair.

I also remeber San Juan Fiesta - and throwing water to all passersby. Not sparing anyone. I even tossed water on a bus filled with nuns (I was a kid, so anythign goes), I was later tod that I shouldn't have done that. Worse? I found the faucet slow in filling up the pail, so I got water from the fish pond. Oh lordy, now that I think about it...bot, did that stink.

I also remeber the stick my mom used to discipline us - that was painful, until I learned to place a notebook under my pants.

Thise are my early memories. I'm sure there are others, if I think about it. I sometimes see baby pictures and youngling pictures - but tehy are simply pictures - with no connected memories. So yeah, I kinda remember these because of an emotion connected to them. But they are vaguely remebered memories. From a chronological standpoint, the N. Domingo memories are earlier ones.

Time to make Memoirs? Hmmm...

One Social Media advertisment states that by the age of 60, a person should start making their memoirs, By this time, they have had a lifetime of experiences, and "hopefully" the memories to recall them.

I'll admit to this making me curious. So what did I do? I checked out the advertisment and their approach would be to ask fifty (50) questions, and after you answer them, they will publish your answers intoa book - making up your memoirs. You can then make this a legacy of sorts for your loved ones, and maybe even friends.

I did not follow through with the needed payment for the services they offered. But it got me to wonder... what would ahve been these questions? I can imagine some of them would focus on one's chronological life... but is that it?

That said, I asked ChatGPT to come up with 50 questions that would help a person make their memoirs as they answered them, and I plan to answer them here. I may not have them published - but who knows? At least here, I can share theme to anyone.

So, I will do this, and in the process, likewise discover a bit of myself - maybe ask other friends to do the same.

An unexpected spotlight

Last Saturday evening, Toastmasters of District 75 had it's Turnover Ceremony, where the District Officers of TM year 2024-2025 were discharged (Yehey! I no longer am Division N Director?), and the District Officers for TM year 2025-2026 got sworn in. I officially became the District Disciplinarian - yes, that was how I was introduced.

Normally, I'd say I'm not too heavy on pomp and pageantry - I'm a 'keep it simple, and get things done, so we can work' kinda guy - but I understand the need for protocol, so we went through the steps, following the program. It was basically a night to honor Director Jot Chiongbian for his leading the District for one year. It may not have been a banner year with respect to getting hin=gh marks to brag ot TI, but looking at our performance within the region, our numbers were not too bad. We were a stable District showing growth wehre others were content with their status quo. Anyway, I digress.

What was different about this evening happened when Director Jot started his Valedictory Address. He discussed his term's achievenets - humble as they may seem, they were positive still. He thanked the people surrounding him, His clubs, his supporting staff, his PQD and CGD. Then he begged permission to give thanks to his Division Directors, starting with Director Jolo for Division A, and leading to me as last, for Division N. Each portion segmented to a Director was short - possible three sentences of praise, congratulations and heartfelt thanks.

Now, Division N did not grow, as we failed to add one club to our numbers. Sure there were prospects, and one even in the pipleline - but it took too long, so this club will officially join the next term, and not be part of mine - them's the breaks... at least, we tried. What we made sure of was to clean up non-performing clubs, and support the active ones. There were two stragglers whom we tried helping reform... one of them a new club - which was rather frustrating. Needless to say, I could not see any plus points for Direk Jot to add when he came to talking about me, so I was expecting a token thank you for your effort.

What happended, though was that he thanked me for certain qualites he saw in me as I was working with him - then he unexpectedly said this was something he dahred with his sister - but never shared with anyone else... I, that is, the way I acted, maybe even moved, reminde him of his dad. He saw in me qualities he related with his father who was a few years past away. I was stunned - yes, jokingly, I though... oh no, now I'll be the 'tatay' of the district. Not anymore a cool 'pogi' director admired by many, and loved by lots.

Okay, back to reality. I did however realise that Director Jot was honoring me the way he did not honor the other Directors. His father was influential, and even became responsible with him becoming a Toastmaster - so seeing in me the qualities that reminded him of his dad was a profound gift to me. I was somehow placed in that pstiion of honor by process of comparison. It was something others could not remove, nor dispute. It probably gave me some presitge points... as an elder statesman. I guess I'll take it. After all, if I were anything like his father, then that means if I play my cards right, my kids may one day be leaders in Toastmasters too... just like Jot and Pria are.

One a personal note, I nearly cried. But that's okay - I saw Jot nearly cry when we sang to him, gave him a card with a personalized poem, a bunch of roses, and an electronic album filled with pictures of us working with him for the year. So we're even in that regard. Not that I'm keeping score.

The Urban Legend

Have you ever heard of certain Urban Legends? It's funny how these things seem to have a life of their own in their retelling. Some can be suspenseful or down right frightening - others come with lessons learned. Maybe even acutionary tales. But what if the urban legend is about you? Or in this case, me?

This talk started as an attempt to be humorous. In hindsight, of course, I can now laugh at what happened. I normally start with how the story had to be told.

One day, when I was still head of the training team for the Institute of Advanced Comtuper Tehcnology, a.k.a. I/ACT,I came upon a few of my staff. One of them opens up to me saying "Sir... si (let's call him Ariel - not his real name) nagpaalam. Di daw makakapasok kasi may hangover. Naparami nang inom. (trnslated as the staff can't come to work, because of a major hangover).

I stared at them and simply said, "Unacceptable" "If you want to know why, ask (I point to our inhouse house-cleaning staff, let's call him Terry - not his real name either). So my staff proceed to interview Terry.

THey find out about the time I went to work, sporting a major hangover. How I looked tired, and upon realizing that the manuals were not yet bound (using a plastic spiiral binder), I called Terry to ask if he know how to bind the manuals. Naturally, he said no. So I look at the equipment, assess how it is used. Experimented with one manual, with Terry all the while watching me. And I successfully bind one manual. I turn to him and ask if he cna now do them, and he says 'yes'.

Thank God... I proceed to the rest room to hurl.

Back tracking a bit. How did I get to this predicament? I was an active member of the Junior Chamber of the Quezon City "Capitol" chapter. It so happened that at that time, I was a Director of the club, and we had Japanese counterparts in the country. Naturally, we had to take care of them - and this meant entertaining them - meaning a binge night out. One that lasted too long (at 2am), and with too many to drink.

I was meaning to call a counterpart to take my place for a class the next day - a Saturday. Unfortunately, I got too busy to call. Sooo... I got home really drunk - it was a wonder how I drove home - but drive (oh so slowly and carefully) I did. I noticed my wife was asleep, so I went to take a shower... and hurled... with the presence of mind to hurl in the toilet bowl and not the sink. I was still lucid enough to know that if I used the sink, it would clog. I even hugged the bowl lovingly because it felt cool to my acheing head.

I wnet to bed exhausted. and slept soundly.

Until I bolted up four hours later. I realized I had a class and no one to replace me. So I took a cold shower - anything to wake me up and make me aware. I drove to work (in Greenhills) still smelling the alcohol in my breath despite the toothbrush. I needed to get to work and try calling my colleague form there. If he could take my place, that would be great. If not, at least I'm there.

It was a whole day of lecture, with just manuals to distribute - yes, those manuals that remained unbound in the technician's room.

It seemed that Terry did a great job, and he noticed my favoring the water dispenser - drinking a lot of liquid. I finally called my colleague, and got an answering machine instaed. He was being cute and composed the message this way. "Woof woof, hehe, this is Gali (the dog), my master isn't home right now, but if yo leave your message and contact details, he will get to you as soon as he returns.

Out of frustration I said "Gali, this is Butch, please tell your boss to come to the office as soon as he hears this message. I;m not feeling well, and I need him to take over my class." I was impatiendt and used a rather pissed tone.

I then got ready to start the class - but before I did, I hurled again in the rest room. Wet my face, and wiped - then proceeded to do the lessons. The topic was Into to Local Area Networking, a topic I know in and out... but that morning, it was difficult to compose my thoughts - but I soldiered on.

Eventually, the morning break happened - which gave me a moment to rest my head. I think I asked for a paracetamol, or something. There was none, so I asked Terry to buy some in the nearest drug store. I took in more water, then prepared my next set of lectures.

To say that the day was difficult would be an understatement... but to my credit, I was able to bridge the topics together ans still sound believable (at least I hoped). Come lunchtime my colleague - Gali's boss, finally came. Thing is there was just around two more hours of training left, so it seemed useles for him to still take over. I said I could continue - though I explained the situation to him. To his credit, he did not laugh at me - his boss.

My addled brain being what it was, I had a participant who looked intersting, and started oepning and closing her legs - I don't know if she was aware of what she was doing, and honestly... I was not in my right mind to appreciate it. :D The class eventually ended, my colleague stayed on - just in case, and when we studied the evaluation forms, I averaged 4 out of 5 in my scale... five being Excellent, and four above average. I couldn't care less. I went home, exhausted but having done my job despite my predicament. I think I slept when I got home. I'm sure I did.

Now... imagine how Terry saw things.

Wanting to impress upon my staff, he most likely told everything he observed. How I helped him with the manuals, how I went to the restroom to hurl several times... note, I was careful not to make a mess, lest any guest use the rest room and complain. And how I soldiered on despite experiencing a hangover. How I taught despite my condition, and still got good eval results.

How my staff realized how things went and how their colleague really could not use a hangover as an excuse, because if I could come in and teach in that predicament, i would not accept such as an excuse form them. :D

Thanks to Terry, my urban legend; that of being a tough as nails professional - 'take and give no excuse', show up even with a real bad hangover kind of trainer. was born.

I cna now laugh about it - and when I tell the tale, I'm sure my friends would laugh about it as well. My staff's resepct for me rose by sevearl notches. :D

It pays to be an urban legend.

Understanding Me

This is a project that I've done at least three times before. So I try to find a different angle or way to tackle the project. In this case, I tried a different approach - going outside the box to describe my style. It makes the project feel fresh, at the very least.

How do I communicate? That is a question I rarely ask myself. After all, we’re taught to talk at an early age. But talking isn’t communicating. After all, Communicating is a sharing of ideas - and talking is just one of two sides… the talker, and the listener.

So… am I a listener? Any Toastmaster can be a talker - we’re trained to talk… and talk real good. But are we also trained to listen?

Yes. After all, if we are to give feedback later, we need to listen, we need to absorb, discern what we heard, then consider alternatives to making the talk better… then, and only then can we give feedback.

But how about outside of Toastmasters? Do I practice this as well? Here’s how I’d look like in a meeting.

I’m quiet:

I am normally the quiet guy - but not because I’m shy. If I need to report, I can easily do that - but I’m not one to hog the limelight and speak for hours in front of others. Not that I can’t mind you - I have been a Corporate Trainer for decades. I’m used to lecturing for hours.

So when I say I’m the quiet guy in the room, it doesn’t mean I can’t participate - on the contrary, I am participating by listening, understanding, maybe asking a clarificatory questions. I’m in absorbing and observing mode - specially during team meetings.

I’m a sponge:

Soaking up the ideas and or contents presented me.

Given what I hear or get shared with, I can think, I can extrapolate - then squeeze out what I’ve absorbed - I share what I know, or understand… maybe even infer some things.
This is another speech I composed for a Toastmaster Pathwya project. One that focuses on communication styles.

This is me showing you that I listened, and understand.

I’m like crystal… or I’d like to be.

I try to break down complex ideas into something easier to understand. Again, this is from my background as a Business Analyst.

I know how systems work (with procedur)
I know how developers think (logically),
I know how business owners think (what is easier to implement and does not cost too much),
I know how end users think - okay… maybe that last one can be a challenge.

But I can explain to them in simple terms what the system, as designed, is suppose to help them.

In that sense, you could say I’m an interpreter. I tell management what can be done and how things can be more logical - and I tell the developers what needs to be done… what rules need to be followed - even if they sound illogical.

Lastly… I can be a conductor.

Communicating how to put things together - which must come first, and why.

I appreciate a symphony - not cacophony. And you get such symphony when people collaborate smoothly.

If that happens, I know I communicated well. If not… well, we try again.

Bonus (if there is time), I do a plus / delta analysis with my team, always emphasizing the lessons learned… and great things we could repeat

This is me… this is what I do, and how you can understand me.

How about you? Have you given yourself a thought? Do you understand you?

Pasigarbo DisCon - Sunday: B Reunion, International Speech Contest Finals, lunch, and back to Manila

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A bit of a confession. I drank a lot Saturday evening, so much so that I felt it Sunday morning. In fact I was thinking of sleeping off the morning. However I had a shceduled Division B past Governors and Directors reunion with Dennies Siongco, a Cebu-based past Governor at 7am. You could say I did not really enjoy my buffet breakfast that morning. I enjoyed the reunion, but was in passive mode the entire time.

I even felt like hurtling in the middle of the get , so I excused myself and went to the rest room to hurle my breakfast - thankfully, Dennies and the otehrs did not really notice how I looked and felt (yes, I did not shower for this reunion either - but that's okay since my room was airconditioned, and I did not really sweat.

The next activity was a talk by Aaron Beverly, but I opted to go back to sleep some more. Get up later and attend whatever else I can. I dozed for at least two more hours - took a hot shower, then showed up late at the pavillion. After all, it wouldn't do any good for me to skip the rest of the DisCon. I had to represent N in whatever capacity I still could.

I would like to thank, my good friend Glenda, who offered to return to her hotel room to get me a bottle of water mixed with Berocca. This really helped me counter my hangover, and I could continue with the day. The rest of it was breezing through the International Speech contest, and taking group shots because we know after luch would be the closing ceremonies, and wveryone would then be getting ready to check out and leave for the airport.

While I was having lunch, my HOLA colleagues went to ollect me so we could finally get a group picture by the beach. You see, we'd planned this since day one, but we were all too busy with different things to get the gang together.

As my flight was around 9pm, and apparently, was in the same plane as Dan and a few other Toastmasters, we were to be brought to the airport around 7pm. Meanwhile, it was enjoy the rest of the day. At the airport we again saw Toastmasters - all ounging around, waiting for their respective flights. Ours was a much delayes one though, and what was supposed to be a 10pm arrival at Manila, turned into a 4am arrival instead. Man, that was bad. But as you can see, while waiting at Mactan airport, we were still all smiles - that was until we had to crowd around to board the plane. That in itslef deserves anotehr entry. After all, it shouldn't affect the overall positive vibe of Pasigarbo sa Sugbu.

Daghang Salamat to all the organizers of this DisCon. It was highly enjoyable and meorable despite some hiccups. Looking forward to the next Discon, this time, in Angeles, Pampanga.

Now I just have one question... what do I do with all these new wardrobes?