Memoirs Q50: How has your definition of Family changed over the years?

One would think this to be an obvious question. I mean my family has always been my wife (Barbie) and two kids (Bryce and Bernice). I would make sure that my everyday living focuses on how I can help them in any way possible. Specially since they are still working, and I am staying home.

By extension, of course, I would include my sisters and their family (Bing, Tizza, Patty, Migz, Eli). Likewise, Barbie's siblings and mom (Rose, Bart, Bernadette, Bea, Brian, Ben) plus their own families. I don't really included my dad because he has a family of his own, and I don't think I am fully welcome into that family. I know I am not a priority to them - so I likewise reciprocate the feeling.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, I would put Beowulf, our German Shepherd. At a lower rung, the cats Bluey and Bruno. Our pets are after all also family - sort of. Though Beowulf is moch closer to us that he cats.

Then I hae my close friends whom I would consider an extended family. Gerry, Fred are god parents to my kids for a reason. I'm sure they will help my family when needed. John is a friend I can count on to help me when I'm in a bind, though not as close as the first two. Then there's Tony, Boyet and Dave - more like College days freinds, whom I've shared some 'adventures' with back in the days.

Most these guys will be willing to help me an my family should the need arise. So yes, they are bothers.

Then there's my Toastmasters family. People I've worked with for some time now - people I can trust, and they can trust me as well. They're a wonderful bunch, and rarer than one thinks. For starters, most of my HOLA co-members - not all, mind you, but a good number of them. Some from other Divisions and Clubs.

That said, adding all these people to be my extended family proves you can indeed choose who to be family with.

I did it! 50 questions... compiling answers to various topics. Woohoo! Will I share this with others? Well... its not exactly typed out in a very private location. Anyone who does some internet detective seach can probably stumble upon this. I must say, though, having gone through this, someone can learn a lot about me... but not all of me.

Memoirs Q49: What impact do you hope your Life will have on Others?

To leave a LEGACY. This was one of Steve Covey's maid points when he asked people to create their Journey mission statements, and I tried the exercise. The entire statment can be seen here: My Journey Mission Statement

So what did it make me say about my Mission Statement? It may sound a bit dramatic... but for starters, I wish to -

"Explore what the universe has to offer as captain of a Starship:

I see my life as a journey… an exploration – meeting new people, experiencing different and new cultures, if at all possible. I would like to think that I can meet challenges and any need for change head-on, and I see myself like a legendary Starship Captain of Star Trek – with the roles of leader, peace keeper, and ambassador of goodwill.

I trust in what I can do, and the resources I can muster and keep the counsel of trusted and capable friends and family. I’m not afraid to make decisions that will affect my life – but I will tread a bit more carefully when it will involve the life of my family – for they should not suffer for possible mistakes I may stumble on.

As would a Starship captain – I would boldly go where no one has gone before… yet making sure that all moves are calculated properly, for the lives of a Captain’s crew and their family rests on his decisions and actions that he will take."

Next?

"Build a legacy for better understanding and tolerance:

I aspire to make the world a better place, by emphasizing on improving communication and espouse better understanding of others. These can be better practiced with tolerance of what does not meet one’s norm or expectations, and the understanding of others’ viewpoints – to better realize where they are coming from – in this regard, I follow Steven Covey’s statement – “Seek first to understand, then be understood”. That can lead me through difficult situations, that, if not treated carefully, could easily escalate into an argument.

Had I been less receptive and open-minded, I’m sure such things would happen often.

Exerting effort for negative actions are equally tiring – if not more so than positive efforts. It put one on the defensive and extra effort may be necessary to provide safety. Why bother wasting time on negatives when positives are easier to focus on – help me get inspired and in the process energize me with adrenaline and inspiration… the natural high.

I would rather be living on a positive note than on negatives. Respect for others… their beliefs and their right to practice such beliefs, so long as such does not undermine mine or another’s belief in one way or another. Mutual respect will have to be practiced, accepted or at the very least, tolerated with a surplus of patience, and the need to ably put one’s self in the other’s shoe.

Too often do I see indifference, bias… I strive not to add to these global woes.

Mind you, I'm copy-pasting the words from there.

Lastly...

"Ensure my children’s future as successful and independent caring leaders:

My children are my real legacy – they should and will endure, long after I am gone. My main responsibility in life is to give them the important lessons of wisdom and intelligence – those two traits that can make them strive for a better life, and allows them to be better human beings – to be looked upon as great and caring leaders.

Independence is important and I strive to make them learn to stand on their feet – knowing full well that they are capable of whatever challenges life will throw at them.

My children will continue in this world when I am gone – they will need all the rules and guidelines that they can use in life – I can’t promise to be with them forever nor be beside them at all times… I can make it a point though, that even if I’m gone, my lessons – my beliefs will continue to help ensure their safety… their living, and act as a solid value-driven foundation for their growth, and for their world."

I'd say this sums thigns up nicely. Once in a while I check if anything has changed with my prefered legacy. But there you have it.

Memoirs Q 48: How do you Engage with your Passions Outside of Work?

Outside of work... well, most of my time is directed to house chores now - given that I have no professional work related activities these days. It's called 'retirement' after all. So what do I do when not working at home? For starters, I just finished two roles in Toastmasters - that being the President of the Hall of Learners Advenced Toastmasters Club, and concurrenlty taking on the Division N Director role. That said, most of my free time was dedicated to either the club or the division. So yes, helping other Toastmasters is a passion of mine. Giving them opportunities to learn and grow, while I made sure my club was hitting its goals. The division was harder though... not everything was easily under my influence or control. We had to make hte best of what we had. You can only do so much. In such a situation, I would say, do what we can and not worry about what we can't address... help where we can, but not get frustated if things don't go the way we want.

Given these activities, I had a team that, I could say, were great at what they did. It took a little adjustment on my end - and most times, I had to just approve great ideas. Having a well motivated team was great. That was what I was taking advantage of in one instance, and what I was trying to form in the other. Call it luck, or meeting our goals through persistence - but we got to build a good team in time for the turnover.

Another passion would be photography, though nowadays its a bit downgraded. Years ago, I would practive on a daily basis to take pictures - to study great composition, but I have to be honest, I normally took pictures at the moment - not really considering angles, styles or arrangements. This was more a natural progression. Unlike say what my wife does - she takes pictures - study the image, and if it does not fit her accepted image, a rshoot is in order. Me? I take several shots and hope I get a 'golden' one amongst the ones I took. So which is the better procedure? I suspect both need to be combined.

Bakc then I would have my DSLR, my IPhone, my iPAD - three cameras, and the DSLR had three different lenses ready to be switched. I would lug all these, plus two types of tripods - let's just say they were not exactly light. But that was my learning phase. Yes, I took a lot of golden pics - I even experimented with infrared filters and black and white methods. The only thing I did not get to practive was model photography - and maybe some protrait and landscapes. But for some of these, I would have needed other equipment. Not only that, there came a time I really needed to upgrade my camera. But not being a professional photographer made buying new equipment - more so a newer camera, a bit pricey. Okay, not a bit... a lot.

Still, I learned, and now i'm just down to my phone cam. Do I miss my old equipment? Sometimes. But the convenience pf just having my phone cam ready is just enough for everyday use.

Anotehr passion I've had - something on hold for now due to a lack of space is my aquarium. I plan to get back to it some time soon.

Another? My comics and books. I always loved having a personal library. It makes me look learned. :D But it kept me updated. Once ina while I still look at my books for reference or for entertainment purposes. Unfortunately, the library is also on hold in my new place, and I've had to lessen purchasing books - though these past years, since the pandemic, I've switched more to ebooks. Too bad I can't dislplay them on a shelf - but it's convenient to carry the iPad around with said books... and comic books.

So how do I engage in them? Consider... some passions allow me to be alone. I like that. Others demand I communicate and impart knowledge with others - either face-to-face or online. But I try to find time for them. They are part of a life balance.

Memoirs Q47: Can you describe a situation where you had to reconcile differing viewpoints?

This happens more often than you think. It is a challenge to do so as an arbiter amongst colleagues or friends - mor cahllenging still if you are one of the parties involved in the differing viewpoints.

So how do I do this? I use empathy. I try to see the other person's viewpoint - where they're coming from. Just because we don't see eye to eye does not mean I'm right and they're wrong. For all we know, both sides, when seen at different angles, can be right. Let's not let bias cloud our ability to reason and understand each other.

This can be chalenging, specially if there is a looking deadline, and you're too wrapped up in a convenient solution. Unfortunately, the convenience mqy be just one way. We need to realize that. Is what they're saying important? Not evenything can be logical, too. Is there an underlying emotional dimension here? Is there a need to compromise for the greater whole's win.

In my ealry days of managing a team, I was tasked with mamaging a much larger team - and naturally, people saw me as the 'go to' person to help solve issues. Upon discussions we found a solution - wht I forgot to do was include the person who was the outgoing head. Unfortunately, she did not see this as a solution-finding situation, but a bypassing of her authroity situation. She did not forgive me for that. Unfortunate. As I said, I was not wrong, and we resolved a concern - good for the business. Was it an ego thing? Perhaps. To this date, I wouldn't have changed the dicision - but maybe considered looping her in on what happened. See, I was busy with a lot of other things too... but I could have respected her want to follow a timetable more. Ah well...

Memoirs Q46: How do you celebrate your achievements, no matter how small?

Achievements, big or small, are best shared with others - be they family, or friends (or both, even). It can be as simple as sharing a meal or dessert, or having a feast. Heck, if everyone is not able to be in the same room, celebrations can still happen - food can be delivered to different locations, so people can feel they are part of the celebration. This becomes highly important if the cause for celebration is because of a successful collaborative project, a birthday or just a team time out.

Milestones like birthdays or project activity completion (not necessarily the project's ending itself - these small wins give people the impetus to want to celebrate some more. It need not even be expensive - a pizza treat, or a pie is sufficient. The people will need to know you care, and also want to know that their efforts are being recognized. I used to do random treats to a class when I saw how hard they were studying,

As for family, any reason is appropriate. One thing we did during the pandemic was to make sure we celebrated small things... have a charcuteire, some wine, some food or even dessert - simply because we could. The fact that we were together, all safe, was reason enough. Now, in time when we need not worry about life threatening diseases, our outlook has not changed. Celebrate when we can, where we can - just by being together.

We shouldn't take life for granted, We shouldn't take things for granted. Enjoy each other's company, celebrate wins, celebrate trivial stuff while we can - because we simply can. Make life and experinces more enjoyable. Look for reasons to celebrate - then do so.

Memoirs Q45: What are the Biggest Challenges you foresee for Future Generations?

WOW... this is definitely a great question. Firstly, am I qualified to answer this? I'm not a futurist, or at least I don't see myself as one. But I'm not coping out either. Let me chew on this a while, though.

In a world where people can seemingly get all the answers, services and products they need at the tip of their fingertips via the Internet and the countless websites adhering to a business that caters to such needs, what would the future generations need to have? First would have to be 'Critical Thnking'. Why? Simple... one can get innundated by so many information - the real test now would have to first be sifting fact from fiction or opinions. For example, if one weree to doa search for something generally accepted in culture, say an explanation of the Virgin Mary... how many of the sites and given enteied could be considered canonical to Catholic beliefs? How many would be considered untruths? Misrepresentations? The problem here is there may be a dearth of factual information - so what fo we accept and believe?

Having the skills for Critical Thinking may not give you all the answers - but they can at least remove the untruths and let you end up with acceptable choices. They train you to ask 'why?', 'how?' and sift through untruths, biases, and other misinformation. It helps you sift through what can be false, what can be considered possible... what are probable truths, if not downright facts. Of course, in this particular example, you'd still have to weigh in faith. Accepting the answers now becomes a test of what you will accept. But at least, having critical thinking will help you sort through things. In an Internet filled with so many entries, opinions and downright fraudulent 'facts', they will need to know how to sift through the garbage.

Next? Patience. Given that tehy can have near instant access to so many things, waiting may be something they will not have to endure. But the thing is 'waiting' may make things better in some instances. Waiting for a cake to be baked, for example - or the creation of a Micheline Star dish... these may be worth the wait. Similarly, not everyone is always ready with an answer to everything. It may take a few moments - and maybe more, to get accurate information, or give the better opinion. The future generations need to cultive the art of waiting and patience.

Lastly, just to limit this to three... the 'Human touch'. This covers people facing skills. Talking or communicating clearly, showing empathy, and maybe sharing a lesson or an idea... the art of convincing others of your ideas. After all, people will still need to deal with each other.

Memoirs Q44: How has your Perspective on Failure shifted throughout your experiences?

Call it maturity... call it additional wisdom... call it an offshoot of age, wehre I don't feel that any mistake will last a lifetime, and if it did - well, it won't be as lng as it would have been had this irreperable mistake happen much earlier in life. Besides, I have skirted away form irreperable mistakes in my life - or I've been highly lucky in avoiding them or slipping past them. I would like to think it's because I have a good head on my shoulders too. So I thank a great education, social background - incuding family upbringing. I mean, they may not be perfect - but they gave me a great moral compass to use in life.

that is a roundabout wya to say that the stigma of making failures have lessened a whole lot. Back say when I was fresh form High School, I would consider the possibility of failures to really be a burden - something unsurmointable, hence also the connected risks of doing certain actions that could lead to such failures - and unfortunately, not risk the posibility of successes either.

Now I know better, I can take calculated risks. I have a way to assess situations; lessen the possibilities of unknowns, then take on an informed (as much as possible) decision. And if I fail, so what? It's not the end of the world - I just learned something else, an can always try again. So why do we tumble down? So we can pick ourselves up again. I think I got that form a Batman movie. So we don't fail... we learn. This puts a greateer positive spin on the concept of failure. That's the big difference with my current perspective.

Edit update (11/26/25)

I retrospect, I would not feel like makeing BHAGs - that's Big hairy audacious Goals, as per Covey Institute's ideas. But then again, was I someone to make such big things? I had limited resources, and a limited sense of worth - so I was careful with what I did, or did not do. I was cautious.

Now? still cautious... but not afrain to try thigns and make mistakes - just... not the financially big ones. Or not without having to consult my life partner / wife, before I embark on such. Failure still scares me, I guess... more so when I don't know what to do, nor where to go.

Memoirs Q43: What advice would you give to your Younger Self?

I guess it would depend on how young we're talking about. I would like to think that I was sensitive and had a good sense of empathy even in younger years, so I would have to either focus on reaching out in that regard - or make my younger self realize that I would need to strengthen certain aspects of myself more.

I would certainy tell myself to invest in stocks. Apple, Amazon, Meta and the likes. :D From a life lesson perspective, I would say have patience. There wa a time I was wondering why I wasn't getting a girlfriend - that's okay. I would be meeting someone real special around my late 20s, and she would turn out to be my wife. We'd be married a whole lot longer than my parents, so no worries about perpetuating the same mistakes.

But honestly, I would also mention a few things I might need to do better. No highly dramatic mistakes to avoid - thank God for that. So yeah... patience, stay grounded, you're doing fine. No need to get rich at he expense of losing your soul.

If I met my grade school self, maybe help my younger self learn to be more assertive - learn some self defense. Help build confidence level. Thing is, I don't want to overly exagerate a change either. After all, any mistakes made allow for wisdom to step in. So that would be important too. If I were to talk to my fresh into college self, maybe suggest going out less - and focusing on studies more. Maybe shift to Lia Com which would allow me to have more time to adjust into college life, and have a double major. Heck, if I could change life entirely, maybe pursue my initial interest fo Medicine - but that could be too radical a switch.

I would try to keep a lot of things together and not change them if possible - my family for starters. I would love to preserve them.

Edit addition (11/26/25)

I have remembererd how frustrated I was with my family's dynamics - that is, the failed mariage between my Dad and Mom. By the time I was in my latter grade school, I was getting sued to the fact that my mom, with ny maternal grandma, lived separately with us kids - as we moved from place to place, while my dad stayed with my paternal grandma. This is not to say that we did not see him. Out of mutual agreement, he could pick us up on Sundays, and we would spend the day with him.

But there were definitel constraints. There may have been times I would have benefited from a father's presence when dealing with... well, puberty. And life in general. I don't know if what I got instead was the short end of a stick, or a blessing I was unable to see - or was I ust turning lemons into lemonade? I don't know.

Suffice to say, my younger self was adrift in that regard... frustrated. So, had I the chance, I would have sat down with him to assure him that things would get better - not between them, but with me... through the lessons learned from the experience. I would apprecaite love and support of family - that would in turn make me a better dad. It wouldn't be the answer my yuounger self may have wanted... but at least, maybe I would have added more hope to his life.

Maybe I will turn this into a speech. It's too good not to share.

Memoirs Q42: Can you describe a moment when you felt Particularly Proud of Yourself?

From a self-fulfilment or professional achievement, I will always point out to my being able to teach Systems Analysis and Design for the first time, in Tanzania. Having achieved that was something not everyone would have been able to pull off. Not only that, the trip allowed me to save up for a wonderful Gicci watch for Barbie. See, she had told me she wanted such a catch for herself, but it was too expensive for her to buy. Remember, this was the time we were newly weds, and she was pregnant with our first baby - Bryce. So we had to save up for our new family.

The watch I gave her was the one that allowed for a change in color of circular bands around the watch. Simple designm but it was a cute symbol to have such a watch. Anyway, after Tanzania, I had a relatively few hours stopover in the Dubai airport, so I sought out the watch - see if I could afford it. Just curious, actually... with no real plan to purchase it.

What I saw, and eventually bought, was a different model - the more elegant and expensive model, with the band colors a bit richer. She did not expect this - neither did I, but when I saw it and asked how much, I knew I had to get her something. Probably the first real gift I bought for her. i had it wrapped as a gift, and when I finally got home, I howed it to her with the specific instructions that she not open it 'til Christmas. She could not wait tht long, of course, but she did ask permission to open it sooner. Naturally, I allwed it.

The look in her face was priceless. She adored the gift because it was somethign she wanted - and more. If anything, this gift made the sacrifice of being apart form each otehr for five weeks, worth it. Yesm seeing her happy - wearing the watch to work the next day, and obviously showing it off to her friends. I felt proud that I was able to make my wife happy.

I would say that self fulfillment is always good - but making a loved one happy is more fulfilling... therefore feeling prouder of my actions, or achievements, when seeing how it affects others. That bears more weight to me.

Memoirs Q41: How do you cultivate Meaningful relationships in your Personal and Professional Life?

So many ways to choose from, that I first will need to reflect on this.

On a professional level, I focus on respect. A spirit of camaraderie and collaboraiton. Clear expectations and communication. I either find a way to help when needed, or steer clear so as not to be a hindrance to someone's work. Focus on servant leadership and flexibility when dealing with differnt people. For this I need to observe people and consider their Social Styles and adjust my approach form there. Then I consider where they are in a situational leadership model and lead appropriately.

Do they need help? Guidance? Someone who can show the way?

On a personal relationship factor, I try to understand their interests, hobbies, find any commonalities - at least for new acquaintances. For those who are already friends and acquaintances, I can be seen as a quiet person. I am. I speak when I need to say something or share ideas. Otherwise, I'm normally in one side, or corner - in observation mode. if we share a common hobby or interest, I can help with the continuous conversations. for example, I would love talking about pets (my dog, cats and aquarium fishes), comic books, streaming shows - specially SciFi or Fantasy,

Toastmasters has taught me to open up,concerse with others, show interest(s), and Listen - that latter part shows you respect for them as a person, their interests, and their time.