Memoirs Q40: What are the most important Societal Changes you've witnessed in your lifetime?

I would automatically mention the EDSA revolution of 1986. You could say I was a front and center witness to things that transpired then. I saw history in the making. I was experiencing the hardships of the country with the low trust factor the county was experiencing from the International community from the conjugal dictatorship of the Marcoses. Then I witnessed the events leading to the Aquino assasination, the snap elections that Marcos decided to happen - Cory Aquino becoming the oppostion front runner - how the houswewise, challenged the (not so) strongman -it was rumored he was not well. How the election results were not going his 'as expected' lopsided way, how the nation suddenly rejected his party's path to continuity of power.

There were so much anomalies, that it seemed so 'thick-skinned' for the politicians supporting them to continue the narative of being transparent. Then it happened... as I was about to go out for a Saturday night, the Ramos-Enrile group decided to break away form the government. There are so many narratives to the reasons, but the fact was, these two - and their supporters decided to break away from the Marcoses and their cronies. Enrile the Defense Minister, who knew a lot and even participated in some propaganda moves, and Ramos - the West Point trained General witht he highest integrity, who probably got tired of General Ver's dictates. They started a miliraty movement to break away. They were soon supported by the Catholic Church, through Jaime Cardinal Sin, and later joined forces with the Aquino-Laurel faction.

What seemed a war of attrition and civil disobedience suddenlt turned into a peaceful demostration that blocked the busy streets of EDSA - a major thoroughfare in Metro Manila. For several days, people were out in an act of civil disobedience. Bakc then I was a graduate with no job - as there was a dearth of emplyment opportunities. So I was desperate for any change. Needless to say I supported the EDSA peaceful revolt, staying... guarding in the night til morning, at first alone... then with some friemends.

Irony of it all? I was a student of La Salle, and hung around with a group of Ateneans gaurding one of hte possible gates of Aguinaldo - doing our poart to make sure the 'loyalist armies' did not cross to Camp Crame where Ramos and Enrile holed up while calling anyone and everyone to support them. It was while I was with this group, that I saw helicopters storm into Crame - expecting bombardment of the HQ, only to realize that these helicopters joined the rebels. That was a turning point. From then on the momentum shifted away from the Marcoses, unitl they were forced to flee Malacanang.

To Marcos' credit, he never ordered Ver and his army to attack the civilians. Opting instead to be airlifted to Paoway, but then brought to Hawaii. Again, the optics can get muddled. But one thing for sure is that a great reason for the people turning against the Marcoses were because of the irregularities and abuses by Imelda Marcos and General Ver - both ruling with impunity when the then Presdent was too sick to know what was happening.

Yes, it was a historic bloodless revolution that to this date was still seen as miraculous from the point of it being nearly bloodless. And as I said, I was in the middle of it all. Why? Because we lived close ot Crame back then. Friends would even call me to find out what was happening.

What an experience indeed.

Memoirs Q39: How do you Define Happiness, and what brings you Joy?

Happiness to me is having what you want - what you need. That would be health, family, and any activity that I can enjoy.

What brings me joy these days? Chilling with my family - meaning my wife and kids. Even if it's just staying home to enjoy cooked meals. Doing home chores to make sure the house is enjoyable. Pets are also cause for joy - caring for them, be they our cats or dogs. My tropical fish aquarium would give me a sense of serenity, so I like just staring at the fishes swim. Walking my dog - even giving them a bath, seeing them happy as I pet them, letting them sleep at the bed. Reading books, or comics in a quiet nook. Listening to music. Wathcing a good movie, either in the theaters with the family, or at home with a good enough home theater set up.

There are other things I'd like to try, but time can be fleeting. I enjoy solving jigsaw puzzles - be they the 500 pieces or even the 1,000 pieces. I would like to get back to sketching, drawing, maybe even painting someday.

Oh yeah, I find fulfillment in helping others - sharing time with my Toastmasters colleagues. Visiting relatives whom I know welcome me. Reunions are cool too... so long as there is openness, and no drama. After all, Life is too short to waste on needless arguments.

When you think about it, my needs are simple. Just the comforts of life - a vacation once is a while - preferably with the family. A learning experience, either from trainings, symposiums, discussions, or books. Inspirational books that help feed the brain and the soul. Those kinds of things. Depending on what I would like to focus on, I can expound on certain things. You need but to ask me.

Memoirs Q38: What are your views on the Balance between Work and Personal Life?

Work-Life balance is important for me. For example, I don't want to be part of work that demands too much time of me so as for me to have no time at all to share with my family. Even if it's an uneventul weekend at home, the point is it's a break from the office. It was a chance for me to bond with my family. I wouldn't want to be too busy to skip important events like birthdays, Parent-Teacher meets, my kids extra-curricular activities, campings wehre I agreed to be a parent chaperone, family vacations. Family time was precious to me.



"Me time" is also important - so I don't mind staying in a quiet place to read a book, or listen to music.

But if a real need to spend more work time is needed, I don't mind putting the extra hours, so long as I'm given enough warning that such will be needed. Likewise I try to resepct my people's personal time. I don't impose on them. But should hte need arise, I do ask for their understanding. Ironically, in Fujitsu, my team loved doing overtime - the work was a lot, so we avoided getting work piled up. I'm sure my people didn't mind the overtime pay either... but there was one time I asked them to take a break - let them enjoy the weekend with their respective families or friends. Why? Because I know that even if they did not see it, they needed to rest.

So yes, I wouldn't mind spending more time at work, but we need to watch our health. We need to keep our familiar relationships strong, specially with kids. After all, we can't tell them we love them in absentia. Too many broken homes have kids going astray because the parents were never around to help, ro even just talk with them.

To summarize, work is needed - but not to the point of sacrificing health, family and sanity. We need to take breaks, so we can recharge.

Memoirs Q37: Can you share an instance when you had to Advocate for Yourself or others?

I can't really think of an instance when I needed to advocate for myself - or others, at least in a dramatic sense. I would, for example write reccomendations of a friend to others, or maybe even write a reccomendation in general for a colleague in, say, LinkedIn. So does that count? If it does, I would normally say how I know the person, his or her strengths - things taht would make them an asset ot a company that they are applying in. I don't stretch the truth either because I wouldn't want my own name dragged by some falsehoods - so I won't lie for anyone. I won't exaggerate, either.

But when you read certain reccomendations coming form others about me - reccomendations that I did not neccessarily ask for. Ones volunteered by them, I find the things that they say absolutely amazing, and I would love to shake their hands and thank them profusely. This is how they see me... and I am humbled by it.

You see, I don't brag about myself. I've never been comdortable raising my own image. I'd rather let my actions speak for me. I won't promote myself. Maybe during job interviews, I would expound on some qualities - explain my responsinbilities, but I focus on facts. No exagerations. If I have statistics or metrics to prove my point, I can use that. I would like to say that I answer with intergrity.

One example I can share about this was when I was reccomended by Lina, an ADB employee whom I worked closely with one year, but had to terminate my connection witht eproject once the comapny I was connected to ended it's contract of service with ADB. Lina contacted me ans asked if I was still interested to work with the project. I said yes, and she then reccomended me to I/ACT by virtue of my training evaluation metrics. She spoke up for me. Of course, I/ACT still interviewed me, but imagine your client saying they wanted me in the project. That was powerful backing right there.

One specific example I can give on advocating about myself was when the HR manager asked me what my greatest weakness was... I looked around his officew and saw how cluttered his background was and said, we have the same weakness - the capability of cluttering up work files. So I pointed out that yes, I tend to have that problem - just like him. It was the easiest thing that came to mind because I had a reminder right there, and it made me have a connection with him... some similarity. I did not brag, but pointed out that I'm not perfect either. In that sense, I advocated for myself by saying "we're alike and relatable, in that sense".

Memoirs Q 36: What Aspirations do you have for the Future?

A hope or ambition of achieving something... you'd think that at my age, I have no aspirations, or if I had - and not yet achieved them, I'd have given up. Instead, time and age, have made me adjust some of these aspirations. For one, I wanted to be an astronaut. Blame Flash Gordon and the likes. I wanted to explore strange new worlds and be a pulp hero. Yeah, lots of imagination. Well, science has disproven having life on Mars or Venus - unlike the Edgar Rice Burrough days. And I found it highly stacked against me to qulaify for a space program. After all, we were not a space age country with the needed scientists and fundings... much less, the opportunitues to pursue such. Heck, even now, I can't afford a space ride - it's too expensive.

So what else? I've wanted to be a Disco DJ. For a while, I was doing that - though not professionally. Just in High School parties. I would be the guy who know the great dance music - compile them and record in cassetes for continuous play for people (myself included) to dance with. But Life happened, and I could not enjoy those without sacrificing schooling. Even if I did not really like the course I took, I still needed to push through with a college degree, and hopefully land a lucrative job. But definitely not as an accountant.

I had thoughts of being a Doctor - I could help people. Heal. But my dad, and grandfather had other ideas - and disuaded me from pursuing such. The irony of this was that when my dad and his side of the family was getting older, they started lamenting the fact that there was no Doctor in the immediate family. Fools... definitely a lack for foresight. I doubt they remember that crossroad in my life.

I did find the ability to help. Maybe not heal, but definitely help - as a trainer. I imparted knowledge to others. This was what I did for decades. In fact, when I aspire for something, it is usually with the intent of helping others get better in their needed skills. As a Toastmaster, I've found opprtunities to help people improve.

But my greatest aspiration? To see my children - my legacy, improve to be better than me, and be leaders and influences in their chosen fields. My son is in IT, and my daughter in HR. I hope they find both success and happiness in their chosen lives. Meanwhile, I hekp where I can. One feedback at a time.

Memoirs Q35: How has your Cultural Background influenced your Life Choices?

Hmmm... It is an interesting question. I would have to first consider what my cultural background consists of. Let's start witht he obvious. I'm a Filipino. That already gives me a few identities. For starters, I grew up with a Catholic religious belief - with that, I practice what the church asks it's believers to practice. I go to church 'religiously', or at least, as religiously as possible. I am not a dye in the wool, deep practicioner. I tend to have a few practicalities in me - I guess that also means I may question certain logics - but not to the point of being an agnostic. I practice becasue it makes me a better human being - one with a consicence. I follow the tenets of Jesus, and though it may be difficult, I do what I can to make sure I stay in the light of grace. I do unto others what I would want them to do to me (a.k.a the golden rule), I resepct and practice teh Beatitudes, I recite the lord's prayer, hail Mary, appostles creed... but I don't strictly follow holidays of obligations.

As a senior, I am excused for doing fasting - but do abstain when needed. I practice What would Jesus do, or say - given certain situations. I would like to think that this believe and practice has given me a strong moral compass. One that guides me through some uncomfortable situations. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I'm no saint either - though I have not had any mistresses, but this is also because I came from a broken family, and despite everything that religion says, it could not solve my family's dillema. Because of this, I considered Divorce as a needed law... to lessen the sufferings of people 'stuck' in a bad or not-wokring relationship.

Because of this, I've come to the conclusion that God is infallible (by my believe), but his shepherds (priests and religious orders) are all too human and fallible. So I weigh what I see and hear. I also explore... I've read a few books on witchcraft (though have not really practiced them), read up and once owned the Tarot cards - gave it to my mom. (maybe I should get it back, now that she's passed away). I read, and even join Role Playing adventures that some lay practitioners would frown upon - Dungeons and Dragons is possibly taboo. But so is Lord of the Rings for their Wizards - neven mind that the story is about heroism and fighting for the survival of Middle Earth's soul. So this is where I question certain validities... practices, and Church stance. What then, does this make me? A partially practicing Catholic? Should there be a percantage mentioned? Simply put, I'm Catholic... but you can't call me a prude.

Next... I'm Chinese by name, but not by doctrine - at least, not Communist. I don't agree with their kind of governance where we have unism, nor do I accept their strong arm tactics to enforce a double standard between the Party leaders and the peasants. There is obvious exploitation and propaganda to cloud the minds of the masses. I grew up in a (pseudo) Democracy, but despite our government's many flaws - by the politicians, and not the laws, I prefer the freedoms I enjoy. Of speech, of learning, of reading - of having an open mind, and not having Big Brother control my life. Oh, Government is needed to put things right, to leverage equality and fairness - but not control and stifle. No to too much order and rules - but no to total chaos either. So what does that make me?

As a Filipino, I live in a country that is not totally unified. We have so many differences. Language (dialects), beliefs - both from Eastern and Western cultures, and in today's world - there seems to be a Globalized cultural acceptance. Just to give an example, my Grandparents grew up hating Japanese for the atricities of war they experienced. Items made in Japan were of inferior quality. Now? Anime - a Japanese form of cartoons and Manga (Japanese comics) are papular to the younger generations. They pride themsleves in being able to understand the language. Back in my early years, I would not have chosen to understand Japanese - maybe Frentch. As it is, because of college, and my upbringing, I understand a bit of Spanish. I am highly fluent in English. I prefered comic books, or Greek mythology vs. Asian mythology - was this because I grew up oin a family that enjoyed American products? Anyone remember hte Blue Seal cigarretes? I do - because I saw how relatives would smile when receiving them - not me though... I did not (thankfully) pick up the habit. Now? I enjoy Anime, and K-drama. I marvel at the fantasy stories, and mystical nature of certain tales. So I guess, I'm not too lod to learn new likes.

I could go on... but I think this entry's long enough.

Memoirs Q34: Can you tell me about a book or film that has Profoundly Impacted you?

So many to choose from.

I kid you not. From a character-building moment, I would have to say the Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien, I mean who wouldn't want to be part of such a selfless adventure to save one's world? Thogh it may be a fantasy genre, the characters shine here. Who did I relate with? That would have to be Strider. Mysterious, serious, capable, with a hint of dangerous. I mean, he is the reason I started liking Rangers as a class. You come and go, help in the periphery - fend off evil with nary a realization by others that you are doing this for their benefit - in other words, not for getting famous, not for seeking publicity.

Then as the story moves forward, we learn that his leadership may have a sense of destiny. He may be a naturally born leader - but since he's from a family that sort of failed to end the problem they now face... well, he does have a need to prove himself. He offers his sword, and we know his word is his bond. He picks up freinds - not because of who he is, but more of how he treats others. Yup. Strider a.k.a. Aragorn was someone I wanted to emulate.

Naturally, when the movie came out, I was elated. I mean I first read thr trilogy in the 80s during my College days, then reread it again some time in the 90s, and again in the 3000s - at least until the movies came out. From here on then, I watched the movies and marveled at the production quality. Did the movie do Aragorn right? Well there isn't much to compare with, so I guess Vigo Mortesen rendered Aragorn just right.

So both from a book and moview aspect, LOTR is up there in influencing me.

Is this the only book, though... not a chance. From a self-improvement perspective, I would have to mentioned Steven Covey's 7-Habits for Highly Effective People is an influential tome t understand how one gets better. It isn't easy to follow in totality either - but what it mentions is logical, and should be emulated, if you want to improve your inter and interpersonal self.

Another book? Situational Leadership by Paul Hersey, It gave me a great model to follow in terms of leading others. 've been using it since the 90s. So that's how influential it really was.

Memoirs Q33: What Legacy do you hope to Leave Behind?

I have been thinking about this... to be frank, it has been drifting in and out of my thoughts a lot in the past years. I initially thought about the idea of leaving a legacy behind when I read through Stenven COvey's Seven Habits and part of this was to knw what I wanted - my 'why', and what would I want people to remember me by.

I have not had the opportunity to directly affect such a move towards a legacy, though. Then again, perhaps it's because my goals change - and with that, the legacy I plan to leave behind. First of all, I hope that my kids become better leadersa dnd communicators = at least to as much as I can help influnce or chape them. Bernice seems to be more level-headed in this regard, and Bryce seem to be struggling. Intelectually, he's good. He's ana avid absorber of ideas - but there seems to be a disconnectbetween his applying his knowledge to common sense. I hope this gets better soon. Either way, their becoming mature and capable adults is slowly shaping up. This was an old dream/goal ever since they were in their promary ediucation. Now they're working adults. The dream still holds. I don't want to control them - but nudge them towards certain paths.

My next one is a doozy... lead like a Starship Captain. Yes, I am currently not in a strong Leadership position - but there are times I am asked to lead a group. Just a few months ago, I led the Hall of Learners Advanced Toastmasters to reach the President's Distinguished club recognition - the highest a Toastmasters club is given. I also led Division N, making it a better division with a livelier community than when I entered. Not everything was successful, mind you - but I strove to make the best of what I could get my hands on. What I could control. I would say the Division being in better shape is a plus factor. So the journey for leadership continues.

Lastly, to help contribute to making the world a better place - one converssation at at time.There are too many miscues, and misallignments happening and because of these, arguments, wars... it gets frustrating when world leaders focus on ego, selfishenss, power frabs and avarice to effect changes that have global ramifications. It can be so easy to say forget about all this shit, but there cannot be a place so remote enough that you wont' get affected by commone politican's stupiduty. I am still in an impasse to address this - much less start the journey. Instead, I do small actions that affect the people near me. To prove that positivity is not naivette, nor is it a weakness. It is a streth to forge to a better and brighter future, rathen than just giving up and letting ll this shit go to the dogs.

Memoirs Q32: How do you stay Motivated during Challenging Times?

If it were easy, it wouldn't be a challenge.

How indeed tdo I tackle challenges? FOr starters, I don't worry. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. It does not help, mor does it promote a solution. Instead of worrying I may do reserach on how others might have tackled such a challenge. I may research on historical figures, or people closer to home (if one is available - getting advise may help, but I also need to validate that such suggestions are worth doing given the sicrumstance.

I break doen the challenge into manageable aspects. Looking at any project can be daunting, so a project manager needs to identify phases, and within these phases, the necessary detailed actions to be done - hten the solution becomes real and practical. As the saying goes, how do you eat an Elephant? One Bite at a time. (with all due resepct to Elephants).

So to reiterate... don't get into worrying. Look at things logivally, see if hstory has dealt with this in the past. Get ideas. Study the challenge and break it donw into manageable and smaller pieces, orrage these into parts or milestones - ones you can better handle or even delegate to others. Then - like a project manager, tackle the challenge one step at a time.

Memoirs Q31: What are some misconceptions people have about you? (updated)

"Oh, yes. I'm the great Pretender..." Impostor syndrome sometimes creeps in on me when I'm in a project. There are times I'm just a few slides or lesson plans ahead of my students, but I get to come across as confident, competent and in control. If only they knew, I'm just good at looking calm and collected - but I get to push things through. I get to practice in break times, do a google search when I give them assignments. My mind is on overdrive to understand? Guts... maybe even foolhardiness... I sure have lots of those.

But I challenge myself to deliver - I may have learned something just the night before, but I research about it, and around it, so I have a practical or working idea, and not just 'textbook explanations'. That way, I can give out of the box ideas - talk tangent, yet still related topics, and ask my students questions that they apprecaite realizing the answer to. I research, and always look at things from the 'user', or the student's viewpoint. I try to answer "Why would they need to know this?" or maybe even "How do I get to explain things in an understandable, and relatable manner." - specially for technical or abstract ideas.

So misconception one? I'm well versed in so many things.

Well... not really. A few really deep cut - that's possible. I sound confident - perhaps because of my Toastmasters training. Plus the books I've read, or the videos I've wathced. I mean, if you want ot learn something? You can google search write-ups about it. Or watch how to videos in YouTube. Seek ideas? Watch a TED Talk. I know I've done it before.

One time, I learned how to assemble a PC just by watching YouTube, I did not even have a dsimantled PC to practice with while I was watching. But I realized that you just need one tool - a Philips screwdriver - the rest? Just like a jigsaw puzzle - each item has a specific connector type, so it would be near impossible to mistake connecting what shouldn't connect. Armed with this realization, I then taught it the next day in class. Mind you, the only reason I did this was because I couldn't find anyone to lecture about it in time. Surprising thing was, I even got the comment that I really knew what I was talking about.

Imagine that... I can sing about the Great Pretender and make it mean several things in various parts of my life, because I have been a great pretender several times over.

Highly knowlegable? Vastly competent?

I wish... I'm just resourceful, an avid learner, and know where to look. Other than that, I may be good at presenting, and talking about leadership - but this is after years of reading aand teaching about them. I also tend to cross reference ideas. That's me. But being an expert in anything? That can be a stretch... and a misconception that goes around.

A great leader.

Still debatable, far as I'm concerned. Yes, I can lead teams, manage stuff, set goals, and make follow-ups. But I still don't have a track record of having been successful in my own business. This is because I am still at a quandray as to what I can do... what I like to do. I may even lack the initiative to do things I need to do. Procrastinating? That is a big possibility. Something I need to find out why.

To be fair, I am good at certain things too - in other words, I'm not a total loser... I'm resourceful, able to research and learn, communicate and do technology or knowledge transfer... I seem well capable in this. Thus I come across as credible - because I know how to communicate to others. That is my real advantage... and what I need not say is a misconception at all.

Memoirs Q30: How do You cope with Change and Uncertainty?

I would liek to think that I am not easily fazed by change. I know that not everythign stays the same, so there will come a time when I either introduce change, and take it as a challenge to meet the chance in as positive a way I can. Learn from the lesson - then move on. Or if change is suddenly heaved to me... even if it is somwewhat devastating - like retrenchment... I don't lash out and cry 'why me?', nope I think okay... not he end of the world - now what? I try to spin something positive to this and not sit down and worry. Worry won't solve anything.

As for uncertainty? I live one day at a time. This happened during the COVID times. As the world was affected by the pandemic, as everyone was reeling from all the sickness and deaths of this strange, and deadly virus - with no cure in sight, we were all in a state of isolation. It was hard for many - but lucky for us, our family was intact, we stayed at home - followed safety protocols with respect to keeping indoors. I was the only one allowed to go out, for medicinde and groceries. I would wear a face shield, a face mask, and even at the early days, some surgical masks. We had to take every precaution, and the news was not positive - daily statistics of death, stories of how other countries were reacting - the deadly tableu happening around the world. At some time, I stopped watching the news - I knew I was getting overwhelmed, and I needed to focus on other things. My sleeping habits were getting affected - so much so that I stayed awake at night and slept through the day. I guess it was a form of escapism.

So what did I do? I focused on what I could do. Luckily, my family still continues working at home. Laptops and an internet connection became crucial. Zoom became the new tool - allowing people to meet virtually.This allowed us a way to keep connected with relatives, friends, and though we were unsure how long this pandemic would last, we discussed what we did, and planned for what we would like to do should all this go away, and life return to a semblance of normalcy. I bought stuff online - comics, books, even downloaded videas - series tha I've not seen for a long time. Many shows were being broadcst for free - a public service for people to at least enjoy. We all live together became a desparate cry for hope.

We continued living the best we can. Sure, Barbie and I got affected, but luckily, procedures to battle the sickness started filtering in. Strong antibiotics, throat meds... even when the vaccines were starting to come in. We did not follow the government mandate to get the Chine-made Sinuvac - I mean, we did not trust it. Better to wait a while longer as we heard there were other vaccines awaiting approval. Barbie and I were given priority, and we were lucky to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

So living life, one day at a time. Staying focused on routines, watching positive-focused shows. Praying... reading books and comics, listening to music, watchign some classic TV series - like Batman '65 (yes, the Adam West batman show). All these to battle negativity and depression. We talked, shared ideas, plans with each other - it was a tightly closed bonding experience. We celebrated birthdays! Kept i touch with whomever we could.

I remeber attending three funeral services for different people. But later, I just zoned out. We could commiserate. But it was hard to share, to empathize and listen - I needed to zone out for my sake. But Barbie and I talked a lot at night. We comforted each other, It was enough that we could all sleep beside each other - we shared one room back then. So despite all the undertainties, we felt close, and we know everyone else was safe. That was enough for the day. We worry about the next day, when it starts.

Memoirs Q29: Can you discuss a Mentor or Role Model who has influenced your Personal or Professional growth?

I wish this was one question I could easily, and positively answer. I've even had at least four chances for me to deliver a speech to share my thoughts about being an apprentice in one way or another. But it's hard when you can't specify having a mentor, role model or sensei. No one has ever earned the right to be called said role model, it just is. I would have wnated one - lord knows that could have helped me during my early years as a professional. Unfortunately, I never had one. Sure, I had a few friends who could give me advice - but never a mentor.

James from I/ACT acted as a hands-off lead so long as he saw that you were competent. Even Cris was, on occasion, someone who helped - but otehr friends said he wasn't really a friends to me - or spoke unkidly when I was not around. Ah well... Then among friends, I had peers - but never a mentor. Sure, we'd teach each other some life lessons once in a while, but this was more a friend sharing his experience for our sake, and not someone taking me under their wing. Dave, John, EJ (Jingo) - these firends from different groups conversed with me, gave advice,asked for mine as well. As I said - more of peers sharing colective experience best practices.

Now in terns of books... ah, here's where I learned a lot of ideas from varios authors. Steven Covey - thru his 7 Habits for Highly Effective People may be the most influencial. Then we have the Hersey-Blanchard tandem for Situational Leadership, Seth Godin, Robert Cialdini, Tom Peters, just to name a few. I learned mostly by reading - and in the process, collated ideas, best practices and practical tips from a variety of authors. They can be considered my literary mentors.

Memoirs Q28: What experiences have shaped your views on Diversity and Inclusion?

I wouldn't usually give half a mind to consider any politics as it is being mentioned or even exploited. But I also agree that people are people. So when people take action to defend what is supposedly their right, I would defend their right to demand an life of respect, acceptance and love.

This is why I don't mind all the efforts to demand recognition. Gay people are still people, after all.

I also have had, and still have friends who are part of the LBTQ++ (lord if I know all the letters and their meanings), and they have shown the right mentality, intelligence, moral stance even... they have, for all intents and purposes proven their lives to be worth knowing - their friendship worth keeping, and their conversations worth listening to. I'm glad to be friends with these people.

I've had conversations with them, admired how they dance - even had someone propose a possible relationship with me. I politely declined, of course. There was enve one time I was propositioned in the restroom of the Sheraton, and I told him I wasn't intersted. But afterwards, I felt like a sex beast... too bad I had no girlfriend that time, I would have used up my raging testosterone with her. Ah well. So, abyway... bottom line, I respect them. I can accept them as friends - after all, like anyone else, they tend to have colorful personalities. They can be the life of a conversation, but deep inside, they may be doing this as a defense mechanism. I wish them well.

Memoirs Q27: How has your Understanding of Love and Relationships Evolved over time?

As a Teenager, I was filled with idyllic concepts of seeing women in a romantic vein. Of wooing and maybe even saving a damsel in distress. So when I met ladies during our brother-sister class activities, they seemed underwhelming. I honestly was not expereinced talking with ladies - heck, I hardly talked with my cousiins, so knowing what ladies liked was, well, a mystery. Note to self, I may know a lot more now - but understanding women is still a mystery, so I just give up trying.

I never had a chance to have a girlfriend during College, even. I felt deprived at times, why were some people getting action while I was still, well... a virgin. For someone who was a romantic, and not getting any... that was frustrating. I met a woman in the old neighborhood, and this was where I realize that 'Good Guys don't alwasy end with the girl', and what could have been my first romatic relationship ended up in a 'she got tired of waiting and answered someone else'. There were other opportunities, but I had limits - no phone, far from 'civilization' (relatively speaking, knowing I had some admirers, but was never told who).

I finally met my wife-to-be via a job interview. Charming, and this time, we were living in a more accessible locale, and yes... I had a phone. More so, I still visited a friend close to my old Alma Mater - this allowed me to have conversations with her without having my mom lingering nearby. What I liked about my 'getting to know you better' conversations with Barbie was how she seemed level headed, had a good moral standing, and wasn't too egotistic, nor seemingly a majordoma. She was not totally opinionated - I would even consider comparing her to a Maria Clara of the old Rizal novel.

So how did my realization of love come to fore? Getting to know someone, always treating her with respect, and having a lot of simple quiet time with eahc other. It eventually led to getting to know each other intimately. Meanwhile, we were thinking in terms of future plans. We loved each other enough to plan for our future. Marriage, a family, and thoughts of having kids.

Now I can say, I have a more realistic concept of love. Partnership, Companioinship. The mindset of having someone to enjoy life with. Less sex, more leving and loving. Yeah, I still look at PYTs. But it was more admiration - not conquest. I stand by my partner out of love, appreciation and respect.

Memoirs Q26: If you could relive any moment in your life, what would it be and why?

This question got me thinking. Should I consider a time I made a mistake and wanting to go to that place and time to change it? Was there one? The reason I mentiond this is because mistakes add to wisdom and character. That I am the sum of all these experiences - mistakes included. So changeing something might change me entirely. Then again, that was the point. It sould be somethin I want changed - erased. But what?

The other situation would be the opposite. Something I was blissful about, and would want to repeat again - if just once. Where to go for this? What do I want to do... again?

Then again, should this have to be a one time thing? Tempting.

So... I can't really think of any time I would want to cahnge the outcome. Most things I feel as mistakes or even tragedies would be things I had little control over. Failing in Accounting so many times? Not really worth a revisit and reversal - unless it was to reverse results of a test. Was there a time I chickened out , and wondered what could have been? Possibly. Like my backing out of trying to join Kundirana. However, with what I know now, it might have been a fool's journey, since apparently, it wasn't just talent to get in - but connections, and unfortunately I don't think my family connections were to give such needed clout.

On the other hand... those Happy moments could use some tweaking. For example, our trip to Japan felt rushed - even if it was a wonderful experience. Maybe a trip back to suggest foregoing a packaged tour in exchange for a longer stay, a more relaxxed pacing? Same with our other trips? Are we capable of doing this in a more independanet manner? This will most likely be the case. I wouldn't mind reliving those memories, and annexing more in terms of what happened.

Memoirs Q 25: What are the Values that guides your Major Life Choices.

On top would have to be love for Family. I have it ingrained that I would give my family the prioirty for my life choices. Call it a reaction to my childhood trauma with a broken family - but this is something I want to make sure I am able to work with. Family first.

Next would be the want to 'help others' a.k.a. Servant Leadership. This has been ingrained in me for how long? I don't know. Maybe it's an offshoot of reading all those super heroes comic books stories. I'm not a total loon who must fight everyone for Truth, JUstice and whatever was the current option of bleeding hearts. I like Cpatain America, and beleive for what his character represents, but I won't be like him to step out of m way to help others - unless I see abuse happening in public. You can say that I have a moral compass.

It just so happens that I'm already in the middle of the Toastmasters organizational experience, that helping can be easily focused on a Role Taker assignment, or an officer position, or being a mentor. Of course, I also need to manage my time with them - I don't want to be too busy with Toastmasters, that U don't have time for family. There were times just a few months ago where I was limiting my choosing to accept invitations, because they were comming in too often and too close to each other.

I'm wondering if there is a third value? It seems to intersect with the second - which is about having friends. Yes, I have Toastmsaters friends, but I also have non-Toastmaster friends. I enjoy get togethers - but other situations with friends had to be set aside becasue of a Toastmaster activity, or with my preference to spend time with family. An example would be the Band of Bastards. I love hanging around with them, and making music magic. It's just that I had to prioritize Toastmasters activities, and reserve the weekends with family. Funny thing is, sometimes, we as a family don't really do anything - but staying home and chilling with them is still enough. Knwoing that there may be a time - maybe next year, when we won't be complete anymore because our kids may be working elsewhere in a different hemisphere. So I guess I'm enjoying them while I still can.

If I were to adhere to core values, Integrity would be one of them. Respect as well, Loyalty? Depends... this need be reciprocal, and unquestionable. I will probably come back to this some day to update and adjust my answers to this query.

Memoirs Q24: How do you approach Decision-Making in your life?

It depends. IF this were simply a trivial decision making aspect like chossing between two ice cream flavors to buy; and we can't get both, I can simply toss coin - or buy one, then get the otehr next time. Less stress and no need to worry about rpercussions. Choose where to eat between two places? This may take a little bit more thinking. It would depend on mood and preferences. So a toss coin may not be enough.

In choosing something from a handful of options, I could consider which is better between two, then they proceed in round two, etc. I can always use a decision table as well - just consider what the criteria may be. So yes, as the decision becomes more far reaching, more important or life-changing, I would ask to weigh the differing criteria selections. THe more important aspect would be to recognize the better criteria to use.

If it affects more than myself, then I may ask others equally affected (or to be affected) for their options - then go for consensus. The problem begins when I want some data that I feel are important, and don't have access to. I consider if not having this is a deal breaker - if yes, then I wait, or set aside the need to make a permanent decision - likely because I won't be trustiung enough of what I see. This may come across as taking long to decide. Well, better slow, but sure, vs. fast and coming into trouble later.

Memoirs Q23: What are your thoughts on the Importance of Mental Health?

First of all, Mental health is important. Physical health is easy to see - thre are visible manifestations - not so on mental health. Yet one's mental wellness is very important. This is why people need to focus on wellness - to make sure they are able to cope with everyday stress, and can avoid breakdowns. Tihng is, many people may be suffering form mental health issues without either knowing it, owning up to it or even admitting it. Depresion for example is a mental health problem. It isen't easy to solve because many deny it as an issue. It doesn't have visible signs, and some don't even know they are undergoing depression. Yet once you have it, it will be difficult to get out of the funk.

A person needs mental wellness - some owuld even say grit. Others need a helping hand, a listening ear and compassionate person t talk to - someon who can listen.A person who goes around thinking they are losers, will be helpless to help themselves - this is because their reality demands that they are losers, and don't see any alternatives to this. If things start getting better, they might deny it as a fluke and look for ways to find the loer mentality, because that is what they are used to. THen they blame others or tlife in genenral for making them losers. These people cen be in denial. It isn't healthy.

I don't blame others when avoiding toxic people - after all, they are just protecting their mental health. Some have learned after being hurt once. Some continue to take risks if what they truly want os worth prusuing. Others may just give up. I'm all for perseverance, but we also need to make sure what we are pursuing is healthy for us. I know a friend who was mostly miserable during collage because he was chasing after a women who never reciprocated his attention. Some time in those years, it might have been better had he decided that this was not a healthy relationship to pursue. Good to know that he finally found somebody different and got married. But why you look at lal those college years, would that be considered a waste? A positive mindset will look for the good that happened. The lessons learned. THe weak psychie? They'd probably hate college for what it did not give him. Ignnoring possible lessons learned, and denying that there were otehr memories that made College life 'not so bad'.

Bottom line, stay positive, stay mentally healthy. You'll live longer for it.

Memoirs Q22: Can you describe a moment of Profound Happiness you experienced?

Even with this 'Happy' focused question, I feel the need to pasue and think. When was I really happy. and why? There were times I remeber someting and think was I happy back then? Or did the memory of it make me feel happy now? For example, I remember when I was with friends and we were volunteers, guarding ballot boxes in Makati City Hall - the da beofer that, some goons tried stealing the ballot boxes, and even hust someone defending them. So back then things were so tense - not a cause to feel happy, But... while guarding the ballots in the dead of the night, I found myslef describing to a friend who had not collected comics for some time and was confused with what he read from my collection. So I gladly filled in the missing portions - explaing stories that happened, how characters changed, and in hindsight, as I remembered that night, I could honestly say that my knowledge of comics and the sharing of said knowledge in a meaningful and yes, despite the topic, a serisou discussion, helped keep us busy, awake and distracted from the worries of what might happen. How my sharing of m comics knowledge helped us continue ot be brave.How my being ac comic geek found a practical, and if I were even exagerate a bit, a heroic application to life. That makes me proud, and happy. It may be shallow... but how many people get to say that they defended democracy, and comics stock knowledge kept me brave, entertaining others while facing an unkown possibility of fear, yet still staying there anyway?

Other times, I felt such happiness in the middle of a family vacation, when I would look at where we were, how we were enjoing our time together as a family - the bliss of just relaxing. Sometimes this was through some introspection, like the time I stepped out our hotel room - into the balcony, hot cocoa in hand, Enjoying the blissful early morning, watching the sunlight chase the night away, and I just listening to the backgound noise of the birds waking and chirping. Knwong that my family was complete and peacefully asleep in the room. This time of introspection comes few and far between. Sure I probably checked my phone for some stuff.... but the overall cool, quient and peaceful mement was priceless.

Another? My 60th birthday, and the surprise I got upon arrving home - coming from John's house - not knowing this need for me to go out during a relaxed COVID moment, was it itslef a treat for me. But Driving home to a surprise set up with ballons, 80's dance music, and a greeting family. THe surprise, when I was just expecting amundane time to eat... that made me happy. Knowing that this little surprise was done because, my wife and kids loved me. I even danced around while coming into our home.

One profound happiness moment that happened was my last Birthday, it was a HOLA Toatmasters meeting, and i was not announcing it to anyone - not that it was a secret, mind you. Anyone that follwed my Social Media I 'm sure got a reminder about it. Anyway, in the middle of the informal program, everyone present started singing a Happy Birthday. If others did not know it yet - they surely did now. But that wasn't the clincher. One by one, in an impromptu manner, each Toastmaster started to share their thoughts and gratitude to me for being who I am as a leader, mentor, inspiration... t was definitley heartfelt, and I sorely wish I had te presence of imd to record that session. Alas, I did not - but the memory remains. This was probably the ifrst time I experienced colleagues sharing their gratitude with me, about me. It was touching and I had some watery eyes moments. Lucky I did not cry right there and then. That was something, indeed.

The latest was an unexpected sharing by Outgoing District Director Jot Chiongbian when he was thanking his Division Directors for their efforts in leading District 75. I, being the Division N Director, would be the last one he would omment on - most everyone had a one-liner, a moment of success done and accomplished. I expected a simple thank you, as my Division had not produced any exemplary moments. Instead I had a heatfelt sharing by Jot, of how I reminded him of his dad - even getting Pria to agree that he did indeed see similarities in how I acted, who I was, and most likely, the shared values I displayed. So this was not just a thank you for your service, but a thank you for reminding me of my dearly departed father, as well. Wow... that was different, unexpected and a bit embarasing sa it was shared with the whole District representatives listening in. I'm not hard to please, and I'm not demanding. Simple moments of peace and tranquility - ones I know are not your everyday moment, like walking in a field full of pine trees in weather pperfect temperature, or trying to capture the sunrise in various locations, abmiring the beautiful sunset colors, sharing timeless stories of role palying adventures with friends, a laughter and drinks... all these are snipets of happiness that I experience at random (which can be more meaningful), or possibly part of a planned experience. They can be unpredictable - but when they happen, they can feel like magic moments. I wish there would still be more, and I hope others experience similar profound happy moments.

Memoirs Q21: What role does Community play in your life?

When it comes to community, I interret this as more than just the neighborhood we live in. But I'll start wtih this one first. Our family transfered to Cavite last year. Prior to that, we stayed in Manila for nearly 30 years - specifically in Bacood. You could say that this was in the heart of Manila - with easy access to Makati, San Juan, Quezon City and Mandaluyong - we lived in the central parto fo the Metro. Of course, that meant we also experienced how dense the population was, how noisy the streets were, how you could literally see delivery vehicles race through the streets.

Aside from a select few people, we never interacted with our community. We were too busy with work, and the few socials we would attend. Our netwrork of friends were scatttered - and I had a handful of neighbors I was familar with. You could say we were wary of strangers who could rob us - Lord knows there were instances when a break-in happened. And you had to worry about torential rains bringing in flood waters all the way into the house. It was simply a tight communty in terms of population. It was also a frustration that the local politicians dug up an otherwise okay street to have drainage improvement porjects. Though the claim was for the improvement of everyone's convenience, these projects were anything but convenient. The city was alive with the noise of activities. I guess we just got used to accepting the bad with the convenient.

The kicker though was COVID. This was where we were literally cooped into staying in our appartment, and not going out - with exception to me to do Grocery and Drug Store runs. Mind you, we had internet, and it was a great factor knowing we were all present, safe and accounted for - but even that was not an assurance to not contacting the disesase by a casual discussion with neighbors. It was also frustrating that a lot of people did not care that they were spreading the disease by not following protocols - to the possible detriment of everyone else. The city's density was working against it.

So with that concern, plus the flooding factors, we decided to seek beyond Metro Manila for a place we could find - one more peaceful, safe, quiet. We ever searched as far as Laguna, and lucky for us, we found a place in Cavite that was suburban enough. THe place was quiet, you hardly saw neighbors hanging around the streets - most everyone would be waking early to get to work, and everyone else left were too busy tending to their domestic lives. This was a gated community - with controlled ingress and engress and security that matched some high class villages in the Metro - this meant there was a safety aspect. A clubhouse and administrators that collected mnothly dues for services, and a homeowner's associatoin that does not mind us too much, but keeps the streets clean, the neighborhood safe and orderly and can assist when needed. There's also a community pool and small parks - but we rarely bother with that. The best part? Not congested... hot humid because there is still a lot of free space and wind, it's quiet and peaceful - and the neighbors are polite, but we stick to our own. Last Christmas went by peacefully with few houses showing bright and noisy decors, New Year was a but noisy, but not for long, and the smoke did not linger. Lastly, I can walk my dog without too much worry for strays, and let's face it, a German Shepherd demands respect from other local dogs - size difference is a big factor.

Overall, after a year of living here, I'm glad. I do not miss the old haounts. The only minus factor is that it's far from the usual workplace, but not inaccessible. The long drives take just as long as the old 'stuck in traffic' frustrations, and at least the drive is continuous, so it isn't taxing. There are malls around, so we can enjoy dinner out, and a movie. Delivery riders reach our place, so it's not as if we're in Timbuktu - and we have internet access. so I' not wanting in entertainment and news.

Community feeds the psychie, it's something you live with, live around, and adjust when needed. It can strengthen you - or drain you. Give you peace of mind, or make you worry to an early grave. It can be healthy, or draining. In my case, our old haunts in Manila gave us convenience, but congestion. Cavite gives us freedom to breathe, it offers some tranquil moments, but allows conveniences to still be acccessible. It's not a far off retirement place like Tagaytay or even Sagada, but it has a good balance of everything else, We don't feel isolated - some palces may feel far, but if we really needed to, we have cars to allow us to drive there. Community can add to one's wellness and sanity, or slowly strip it away. Bacoor, Cavite is the former. I'm glad we transferred here.

Memoirs Q20: How has Technology changed the way you communicate and interact with others?

Hoo boym where to begin? I was born in the early '60s making me a Boomer. This means I went through Grade School and HIgh School in the 70s, College until the mid-80s. Started working early '90s, went through several crisis in our country - both political and economical. Lost regular employment in the early 2000s, went through consultancy mode ever since. So as you can see, lofe has been inconsistent.

But how about technology? Let me focus on specifics...

The phones. In my childhood, they were bulk, rotary dial types - all landlines, but there was not enough lines, so sometimes we had to share the phone lines with someone else - a total stranger. It was only later that we finally had enough lines for everyone. By this time, the rotary dials were relaced with touch buttons for numbers. Numeric keypads on our phones - no party lines to clog up the need to wait until tehy were done. At least that was an improvement.

Then in the 90s... cellular phones!!! They were bulky, but wireless - also a bit expensive to use, but it allowed us to communicate when needed - prior to that there were pagers, but you had to go through a service provider / operator and it was all texts - now you could call directly. Time went and the phones got smaller, slimmer and smarter.

Then Steve Jobs introduced, the iPhone, and Nokias and Blackberry slowly diappeared. I've been using an iPhone ever since - albeit not getting the latest version. I use it, but am not addicted to it. Now I don't just call, I can text, listen to music, connect to the internet, and send email, or check social media posts of friends from differnt parts of the globe. We're all interconnected now. So yeah, even sending letters have become passe - not when it's faster to shoot an email or send texts, or make a call. Donw side? The darn contaptions have too much thigns in them, and not everything is user freindly in a visible way - some capabilities are hidden within layers of menu items.


The camera - I came in during the digital camera's time. The manuals were too expensive, plus developing costs - and there was a delayed gratification when seeing the pictures - if your picture was blurry, tough - the instamatic cameras of old also did not help alighn or center the subject - you just had to do trail and error. There was no focusing - unless you had the cameras with interchangeable lenses, and manual focus options. Nope... too much work, and trial and error - thus wasted opportunities, and at times, bad pictures.

But when the Digital Cameras came around, I saw the advantages at once. Instant gratification - the picture was a file you coud see... don't like it? Take another while you're still around. No blind developing and paying for even bad pictures. Don't like them, delete - try again. Later there even apps that alowed you to do post editing of pictures? Too dark, add brightness or lighten the picture. Color a bit off? Adjust it. Don't like pesky backgrounds, crop what isn't important.

But if you wnat to go beyond just instamatic, you can get a DSLR, and have the same capability of lens changeing, experineting with black and while is possible now. But lugging all the needed equipment like the camera, tripod, lenses - they can be heavy too. Now, they have mirrorless cameras, and suddenly you can have models that are a third of the old one's size. Others can also take videos - so you don't need a separate videocam. While at it, consdier that your phone can do most of what the photographer does with their DSLR. So the entrace to Digital Photography, or Videography is now w lot easier, and cheaper.

Music and Movies. Back in the day, want music? buy a vinyl - either a 33 (long player album - complete with dust jackets), or the 45s (smaller recors, usually containing a sinlge song. Of coure when it gets scratched, you'll hear some popcorn, or you player's needle will just jump over the scratch with a terrible noise. Movies were just in cinemas. Then the digital storage of data was possbile, we now used CDs, music at first was reorded and stored in tapes, be they the betamax or the VHS. Later still, Laser Disks were made - promising video and audio quality. I hated those need to switch storege types. I have movies or enve TV shows discs that I can't play anymore because the use of DVD options have been replaced.

You now have USB storage capacities large enough to store not just one, but several movies. Then we have streaming services - for a membership fee, you now have access to countless movie titles, TV shos, Musicals, Foreign (Korean, Japanese, Chinese) media - that is, aside form the English, British, Filipino titles. Music is also digital, so you can have access to a multitude of genre, TV series with multiple seasons. Books can now have their own digital copies - and your pad can carry a multitude of titles.


Games? We started with board games. Then they became crude computer games that had poor pixelization - doesn't mean that they weren't fun. Liesure Suit Larry, Prince of Persia, gave me hours of fun. Before that, we even had palm sized games - called Game and Watch. These were a lot more advanced and interactive than the old Monoploy, Clue or Game of Life. Risk and Battleship were fun as well. Of course, the PC games got better.

Then there was the multi player shoot em up options - so you needed a network of comptures to play. The Classic Starcraft was used to test run our Classroom Network set-up, I mean if it can withstand multiple players it could easily handle a class fileld with students studying Excel. So yes, I allowed the gaming in the school's classrooms because there was a practical reason for it. Just like we had those kinds of games in the ADB, when we had no training (during our off days). I personally enjoyed X-wing. So playing during off hours had it's precedence.

Of course, the table tops did not totally disappear - and the TSR dice games were a classic example. We used tokens or small figures, maps to rpresent adventure movement, had pre-made adventure by Gary Gygax and company, and this allowe duo forma a party quite similar to the characters in fantasy novels (yes, most of us were Tolkien fans). Now? With Internet, you can form a party from players aroudn the world - you just had to be in the same timezone, or some of you had to be nightowls. I' guess I'm too old for those games that will demand a lot of time investment between ou and others. i just use my phone to play soduko.


Meetings have changed - in fact were were forced to change because of the worldwide pandemic. Before that, we needed board rooms to have a meeting, you needed to use facilitation tools to get people's ideas and build consensus. Then with the internet, virtual session could now be used. COVID forced us to use online as the rule, rather than the exception. It became a point where we now prefer these virtual meetings as tools for people in different parts of the city - or the world. They're real time, and one needs only worry about poor Internet connections that will make you lag. But a lot of us like this, rather than facing hours of traffic.

In a funny way, this made people focus on buying tops and not much on clothes below the waist because others won't see your bottom clothes anyway. But there you have it... even a large conference can happen virtually - an impossibility, one would have thought just several years ago. So... should we thank the pandemic for this?


Lastly, at least for me. Online shopping - sure, I still go to malls and stores - but I probably buy a lot of things (liek clothes) online - used to be I had to hunt for clothes - more so, those of my size. Department stores seemingly just make it an afterthought to stock up on my size options - unless they have a plus-sized stall. Not to forget the time to travel, heat, traffic or exptreme rainfall. All add to the hassle of brick and mortar shopping. Nope... nowadays there are at least four online store platforms I can check for any kind of product. No wait period when buing online books. I can now buy shirts, and business attire - even a few fashionable coats, shirt, and accessories.

Because of this, I've updated my wardrobe - something I also needed to do during my year as a Division Director. Just this morning, I ordered dog food. I expect delivery by tomorrow, or a day later. Online payment also made this easier to do. No need to carry cash around, just your ATM card, or your phone.

Memoirs Q19: Who are the Most Important people in your life today, and why?

Hands down, I will always say my partner in life - Barbie, is th most importnat person in my life. She is my rock, my conscience, my constant reminder of things I forget or lapse - she makes me be a better person than I would not have been.

Next would hae to be my two kids. Bryce and Bernice, and I hope that Barbie and I raised them well enough that they can live life possibly without us. Maybe not yet... but when the time for tehm to be totally indepnedent arises, they can live properly, with a strong internal compass, and a good enough set of brains and street smarts to survive what life has in store for them.

I have treid to instill in them some skillsets taht the can find useful by joining Toastmasters. But they are in charge of their career choices. I guided and helped them when asked, but I definitely did to them what my parents did not for me. I guess it helped that ours in not a broken family. Thank God for that.

After these three, I would start putting my friends John, Fred and Gerry - knowing that these three will help my family in case I cannot be around to do so. My sisters, Tizza and Bing bing - after all, they are still family - but we are far form each other, and I just visit them once in a while. From there, I still ahve some relatively loose set of friends, a lot of them from Toastmasters - not people I will approach for help, but people who might help one way or another. I would put Boyet, Tony, Dave here.

Only after these people do I put my dad in the mix. Not because I'm estranged with him - more like I know he's got his own set of life challenges with his otehr family. I tried being close with them - but lately, I felt the distance they'd rather have with me and my sisters. Sure, among us three, I might be the most welcome there - but at times, not so much either. Similarly, I feel a bit of distance with my dad's side of the family. I was not invited to reunions, and I don't want to push it.

So it can be a bit ironic that blood isn't thicker than water - with exception to my family (Barbie and the kids). Then again, this could be because of how my mom kept us separated from them. Hence I was not that close with my cousins. Sad, really. But that's life. You can't rely on anyone but immediate family. And a handful of real clse friends. The rest are just acquaintances.

Memoirs Q18: How do you Manage Stress and Maintain Balance in your life?

Back in the day, when I was Training Head of the Institute of Advanced Computer Technology, I would go through many iterations of training my instructors. It wasn't because I was losing them to the competition - rather they were being tapped to teach in St. Charles, Illinios. Becoming faculty to the school for Andersen Consulting - later Accenture. Natrually, they would jump to the opportunity to go to the U.S. earn in Dollars, and be part of a highly technical school training future Consultants. Simply put, it was a more positive, challenging and addictive enough that those that experienced the school alwasy wanted to go back. One wat to go back was to quit, wait for 6 months, then apply directly to St. Charles. Returning to I/ACT was not something they wanted.

Unfortunately, this seeming one-sided situation alwasy put me in the need to hire and train people - only to see them go when they were good at training already. I did not even have control with saying it couldn't be done because that project was raking in the dollars. What was worse, the other department was being recognized for the profits while mine was always affected. Sure I got to get thigns done - but I never got to experience any technology or knowledge transfer from the people who came back.

So how did I destress? For starters, I did listen to music - at times, loud enough to lose myself to the music. I read comics, or books. At times, I would go out with my office mates, but not much. By then, I was already married, so I had to get home to my wife... and later still, to my family. So enjoying the moments with the kids was a destresser of sorts. We would do a weekend staycation - enjoy the pool or simply stay in teh airconditioned room and order food.

I also had, on occasion, been part of a gaming group - the Society of Anachronists Gamers and Adventurers. We were role palying Dungeons and Dragons... unfortunately, I was unable to stay until the early hours of the morning like what otehrs did to continue the adventures. So it was also a bit frustrating. I would have some drinking sessions with my friends - mostly drinking at home.

Later, I would add caring for tropical fishes via an aquarium. This allwed me to aquascape and populate the aquarium with fishes that I would love to watch when I got home. Seeing the fishes and mini shrimps move around in a planted environment was cathartic. It wa also a form of pride that my aquariums were great to look at. I really should get back tosetting one up some time soon. We had to bring it to my brotehr-in-law's place, for lack of a place to put them in our current place.

Of course, now i don't have too mcuh pressure or stress at work these days. Going into a domestic routine that being retired does. Oh yeah, before I forget... having a dog was also a good way to destress. There was alway a nice aspect of having someone lovingly gret you when you got home. I had that when we were in Cubao, and I have one now as well.

Memoirs Q17: What are some of the Key Lessons you've learned from your Failures?

I will, once again, need to think on this one.

First of... I needed to think of a failure in life. For this, I had to go back to College. First, I had failed Accounting, not once... not twice, but thrice. The third time was the most frustrating because I did not reach teh cut off by two points. Why did this happen? I'll just have to chalk it up with disinterest on the subject. Commerce was not a choice I wanted in College. Probably because I did not find an interest in business back then. But my dad and grandfather did not want me to opt for Medicine, so there I was... in a course I was unsure of... taking a subject that was all about records-keeping. I was uninterested - yet this wa a major subject I needed to pass. I eventually did, but how did I do it? I beat the system - and learned to cheat. That's right... if trying to learn things did not work, I needed some code which I learned to slightly write in between the worksheet's lines using a light pencil - so small it was almost invisible.

Was I proud of this? Fuck yeah... I flunked College the first time because of accumulated failure units - and Accounting was basically a strong reason why it happened. So if you can't learn it... find a way around it. Sometimes, finding cheat codes makes for a better answer than being honest. That was one lesson. I learened how to be street smart.

Another failure I had happened early in my team lead days - I thought one style would work for all. This was before I learned about Situational Leadership - and by the time I read and learned about it, I laready had practical experience on what does not work. I just did not know why. And for a while, I thought I was a lousy leader. Not true... I just did not know how to lead for any situation. Now i know - different folks, different strokes - thogoh in this case, strokes is about Leadership styles. I may have learned about this a bit late to help myself and others prevent frustration. Not anymore. Now I teach leadership because I don't want others to go through the leadership trap thatis a one style fits all technique. You don't ram a square peg into a round hole.

Lessons? Be true to yourself - it can spare you from a lot of frustration. Come prepared, make your needed cheat codes. People are people - they have different personalities, different inspirations, different expectations and maybe even different learning styles. Yes, I can read financial documents - but don't make me make them. I eventually graduated witha course on Finance - not Accounting. I alwasy say the accountatn would painstakingly do checks and balances and will make sure every penny is accountted for. The fiannce guy will thing all those hours will be a waste of time, effort and resources - and will take out the penny from his pocket and say, there... now it's balanced. I preffer practical over correct.

Memoirs Q16: What Hobbies or Interests have you pursued that bring you joy?

For a long time, since Grade School, my answer would be collecting comic books - specifically the Marvel Comics group. I can trace my early interest back to my Grandmother, bringing home comics, and there would be a pile on the bedside for her, and her partner, to read (her husband died during the war). One fo the early memories I have was Captain America struggling against the Fourth Sleeper - he was so outclassed, yet he persevered.

I recognized Cap and other heroes because of the classic marvel cartoons - the one where they literally get a panel from the comics then move parts of it for action movement, while adding action sound effect ballons. This started my love for Marvel comics. Of course, I also got introduced to groups like the Fantastic Four, Avengers (of whom I knew several characters like Captain America, Iron Man and Thor), and the X-men.

It was in the middle of High School when they introduced the All New, All Different X-men - and I really used this as a starting point to collect a title continuously. The FF and Avengers were great - but I could not just start them because the issue numbers were too large - too many back issues that I could not find. In that same regard, I collected the Defenders. When John Buscema returned to the Avengers, I used that as a jump on point as well.

I would naturally copy, and learn to draw, some artists - chief being Neal Adams - loved his X-men, his Kree-Skrull Was (Avengers), and across the Distinguished Competition, Batman / Detective Comics. I also liked Jim Starlin, George Perez, John Buscema, Jim Aparo, Dick Giordano, Terry Austin, John Byrne, Jack Kirby (though more his older stuff), John Romita Sr. I can talk about comics for hours. Yes, I finally started collecting DC titles starting with Crisis on Infinite Earths (and boy was I confused with so many characters), I also strted collecting Teen Titans by Marv Wolfman and George Perez. Those were masterful stories. The Judas Contract has to be one of the best slow burn stories ever.

I have a small sense of pride seeing people now recognizing the cahracters and stories I grew up with - though I would be utterly disapointed when the stories do not follow the characters - which is why to this date, I have not watched the 3rd Fantastic Four movie (what were they thinking of?), but will highly reccomend Fantastic Four First Steps.

Another passion, if you can call it that, is music - yes, I got into the Disco era by knowing the music - I could say I had a sens for great music... not just dance music but Folk Rock and Country. I collected records, as I wanted to be in charge of the party's music. Since we had casssettes, I would create a cassete full of dance or slow music. Then when I place the cassete in, I would rush to the woman I would like to dance with and ask her for the dance even before the music started. Call it a sort of insider information. Hey, I would have to come all the way from behind the DJ's booth, so I needed the early knowledge. I was active with my love for music from late High School to Early College.

Another passion - something I always wanted to try, but did not have the finds to pursue back then was Photography. It was later, when Digital Cameras started becoming cheaper, that I jumped into finally try my hand with photography. I went in deep - but not as deep as I would have wanted. Still, to help practice and get myself into the groove, I set up a Project 365 blog. This tacked blogging and photography - two interests in one. I tried Black and White photography, colored. My one frustration - one I'll hopefully get to try some day are photography with models - hopefully nudes. But even if not, I would like to practice with models - and not have to force my family to pose, or take stolen shots. As it is, I take pictures of my pets... at least they don't complain.

One more passion would be reading - I am an avid reader, though nowadays I seem to gravitate more to ebooks and audio books. Call it a need for space. I have plastic boxes filled with books I can't display, but if and when they're up - I would love to hang around my books. I love Fantasy, Science Fiction, some Self-help books. I even had a complete collection of the hardbound Hardy Boys - until termites got to them. Ah well...

Is there anything else? Well... one more... Role Playing Games. Dungeouns and Dragons with friends. But I was known for running the TSR Marvel game - of course. I used my deep knowledge of the characters to help enrich the games.

Is there any connection to them all? I'm sure there is. But I will have to think on it.

Memoirs Q15: How do you celebrate Milestones in Your Life.

Most milestones are celebrated either in a Hotel Buffet, or we privately order a ton of food and we just celebrate privately as a family. In my 60th birthday; which happened during COVID times, we just ordered food, and Barbie had baloons set up against the wall - she asked me to go to John's place and he kept me busy while they were setting up. So when I got home, I was surprised by the backdrop, and welcome.

Ten years ago, we just went to the lobby of Manila Peninsula to just have a simple meal - then the orchestra played Happy Birthday.

Now, in the family, after my birthdaym Bernice's birthday comes two weeks later... so we do the same thing. Either buy food and celebrate at home, or we go to try a Hotel Buffet. Inviting her friends to said buffet. Of course, on her debut, when asked if she wanted a celebration or a Japan trip, she chose the latter - so we went as a family.

By the ned of May, it's Bryce's celebration, and a week after is Barbie's birthday. So we do the same thing all over again. Our next mielstone? June for our wedding anniversary, and July for our other anniversary (when we became officially a couple). Those are our typical milestones celebrated yearly, with a slightly higher milestone celebration. Other than that, we always celebreate Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year - and at certain times, we would also celebrate with her family, and mine.

I don't expect. nor demand more than this. After all, it is always best to celebreate milestones with loved ones - and for me, my immediate family is my circle of loves ones.

Memoirs Q14: What role has Travel played in your Personal Development?

International Travel has always been an adventure. My very first one was in the late 70s to Malaysia, when I visited my dad. From meeting corrupt ground crew (and being victimized of a few dollars), to admiring how the Malaysian city had a very separate bike/motorcycle lane that looked a lot safer and better planned. I did not stay too long to enjoy the place, nor learn it's culture. I also got to learn more of my dad - more than the usual Sunday visits allowed. It gave me the chance to expand my horizon and see how cloistered I was.

Next was Tanzania, and boy was that an adventure. I'm used to the fact that my currency was lesser than others, so to land in a country that was less developed and with a currency less valuable than ours was an experience. Since this was an SGV project, it meant I also got SGV staff allowances. Good thing too - Dar Es Salaam may have reminded me of the Philippines in the 60's - it's lack of a steel industry amde me witness how construction of multi leveled buldings were being done - mostly by bamboo poles.

I also learned a few Swalhili words, and even went on a Safari.

My next trip was while working in I/ACT - two actually. First was Las Vegas, and attended a computer convention. Learnings? While it was just me and two other companions - my boss and a colleague who was brought along for his technical knowledge? Me? More for training purposed. But I marveled at the convention's size. I also marveled at Las Vegas - we were part of a contingent and I was not too keen to get to know anyone else. I was too engrosed with what I was seeing. There were some dissapointments, though. For one, I expected to hear what was new in the music scene. Unfortunately, I came in at the time when retro was in full swing. So listening to the airwaves and getting a doze of 70's songs like Funky Town was surreal. It was like the Tilight Zone. I guess the fact that we were billeted in Circus Circus did not help remove the retro vibe.

Second was in Singapore - to attend a talk. Problem was, it was my first experience with Singlish and the different tone. So I was being distracted with the pronunciation of the speaker to appreciate the talk. What a waste - oh well, at least there was the Night Safari where ironically I saw more lions than in the Mikumi park back in Tanzania. I also learned that Barbie's body grew real fast (being pregnant with Bryce) and that few days travel showed a very distinct change to her bulge - she seemed very very pregnant. I guess you don't see such change when you witness it on a daily basis.

From there, it was a long haiatus for travel - my next trip was a family vacation to Hong Kong, courtesy of Barbie. This time, it was a great experince to bring the kids to Disneyland, and I smiled and even teared up with my first experience with a real 3D movie. But I likes the overall experince - and watching the kids enjoy as well was the icing on the cake.

Succeeding travels were Japan, South Korea, Taiwan. All family vacations. All exciting and wonderful as far as experiences went. Suprisingly, we all thought that a return trio to Japan would be a good idea at a future time. A Taiwan return trip would be great too.

Enriching? Most definitely. Better for it. And the experiences enriched my memories. I'm not even including my domestic travels.

Memoirs Q13: Can you recall the time when you took a Significant Risk? What was the outcome?

I'm normally a stay safe kinda guy. Not that I'm risk-averse, more that I am a realist in looking at what I can try to get away with vs. what I can lose. I also try to make sure any potential stupidity on my end will not adversely affect those I hold near and dear (i.e. my family).

But there were probably a hadnful of times I just threw caution to the wind, thinking 'to hell with it' and worried about how I'll fix things later. One that comes to mind was the work I was doing before I went ot my Asian Development Bank days. I was working for an insurance company, and reporting to the boss. My role? computer programmer - later, IT guy.

Thing is, aside from being the IT guy, I was dragged around and introduced to the Junior Chambers. But this was not for my benefit, but for his numbers game. He did not really think of others, nor was he thinking of being a volunteer - nope, he was more concerned with getting richer, and having the prestige to get more. He was manipulative, and got people to work for him - preferably 'yes' men.

Thing is, I'm not that kind of guy. I questioned his motives internally - until I started becoming less 'yes' oriented and more, 'I'll do what I think is right', or 'what is morally right' technique. So naturally, I started drifting farther from the tight circle of trust. It simply came to a point that I just called it wuits. Did not bother to return to work, and ditched the job.

I just abandoned the work. No resignation letter. I just could not take more of working for the guy.

Lucky for me, I found the ADB work fast, and decided to go for it.

Why was this risky? Abandonment? That could have been the action taken against me - but I did not care. I guess I wasn't worth the effort. I think he also knew that I knew a lot, and did not weigh the pros vs. cons. I just made sure our orbits never crossed. When the tpoic was about him, I just kept quiet, and listened with disinterest. If it was a critique of his leadership, I would just nod sagely. But boy, did his successes seem misalligned with what I read about leadership. Then again, there can be so many suckers - specially if they don't know him.

How did this turn out? My work in ADB was lightyears better for my psychie. I became happier, and more productive. So definitely, it was worht the risk. How did this turn out>

Memoirs Q12: How have friendships impacted your Life Journey?

I would have to say that friends are the support group one has in life. In my different times, I have had different groups of friends that made life feel much better. For starters, in Grade School, recess and lunch breaks were somethigns to look forward to because it allowed me to stay with friends and either discuss hobies and interests, or play games - Vampire tag was one of them. The whole quadrangle was our turf, as we were tasked to run away from the 'vampires', the 'it' person (or people) who needed to walk around with their shirt collars turned up, so we can see the vampires from afar - and run like hell. The game ends when the bell rings, and everyone goes back to class - albeit, sweaty from all the running we did.

As we got older, and got shuffled into different classes, we met other friends - High School combined the students of Taft with Greenhills - in Greenhills, so it was a new experience meeting others. By this time my main interests and hobies were comic books, and naturally, I gravitated to one or two freinds with the same interest. But through this I also met new friends - mostly from familial connections. It wasn't easy tranferring home and uprooting your life and friends, but that is what happened when we transferred from Life Homes, where I had a group fo friends, to Cubao - oh well, at least I still had my school friends - this time, the ones I met in College.

It was also by this time I got involved with Gaming... specifically, TSR's Marvel game, and through it, later on, Dungeons and Dragons. I helped form the loose gaming group called SAGA (Society of ANachronosts, Gamers and Adventurers) composed of gamers from La Salle, Ateneo and UP. This was our first chance of learning and sharing with each other - oh yeah, and we weren't just from those three schools either. Just majority of us came from there, but we had great friends who came from St. John's as well. We would meet and play in San Juan.

Some of these guys became close like brothers (and sisters), we invited each other to our weddings, celebrated familial milestones, some even became my kids; God Parents.

Funny thing is, some friends - due to life taking us in different ways, disappear, and reappear - others are, unfortunately, living abroad, and I wonder if we will ever see them again - unless they visit the Philippines or if I go to their place.

Now I meet new friends in Toastmasters - sharing the love for public speaking, leadership, learning, mentoring, and helping the organization - via District 75, enrich other's lives.

So how do Frienships impact my life? I would say that friends adds a lot of colors to an otherwise mundane existence. It is the stuff that brings memories that we go back to reminisce about things - be they funny, sad, inspiring... and I love each and every memory I have had with friends - and pplan to continue to do so. in years to come.

Memoirs Q11: How do you Define Success, and how has that definition evolved over time?

In different times of my life, I would say success has been attached to things I desired to get or achieve. For a long time, at a younger age and point in my career, it was achieving success at work. Early on, that would mean learning what I needed to learn and be able to use / train others to use these. A programming language, a program I create shifted to being able to share this knowledge to others and make them empowered with using the new learnings.

An example would be to teach others the advantages of dBase III+ dot commands, as opposed to just relying on basic Lotus 123. I showed my students back then that dB3 was more flexible with the use of data, specially with the sorting and filtering of data for reports. Yes, yes... that comes across as too shallow nowadays - specially with the visual basic aspects embeded into Excel these days, thus allowing pivot tables... but back then, this was the equivalent knowledge level in a pre-windows world.

Another measure of success - one thrust upon us as a training team, was the satisfaction survey of the perticipants / customers, giving a score range form 1 (the worst, or poor), to 5 (the best, highly satisfied). So I strove to get high scores... if not fives. My pride drove me... I needed to prove this to myself, and show it to others. This made me look and be accepted as a great facilitator - maybe not the best, but definitely one of the best.

Evantually, I got tired of getting the high marks - it seemed superflous, and I shifted my focus for success in being able to ensure I could lead the team, do proper knowledge transter - if not from me, then from others in the team. I needed to make everyone better at being skilled to teach differing topics. My aim was redundency - should someone call in sick, I would hope that someone else can jump in on short notice and take the absent person's place and continue the lessons from there. So you could say, my focus and measure of success - at least for me, was to be a better leader, supervisor, mentor to my team.

I already shared my experience in Tanzania - I would have to point out that my stint in the Asian Development Bank, exposing me to different nationalities and cultures, helped me tackle diverse audiences. Ironically, it was not to ignore the differences - but learn about them, and find similarities. Or share knowledge of how these differences,make me get to know each individual even better.

So my view of success changed based on what I deemed as important to get the job done.

However, when I got married, and barbie and I started raising Bryce and Bernice, my priorities and measure for success, likewise shofted once again. This time, it was to be a good provider, a good husband and a good parent. I opted to be a good example to my kids.I needed to be a batter partner to Barbie - to prove we could be a loving family. I was painfully awar of the difficulties I went through as a child in a broken family, so I used staying together as a family, and making things work, as a measure of success. To date I still work with making the family stay together, and I may have been lacking in some things, but I compensate in other means.

As a Toastmaster, I've had some metrics to follow as well, and though I may not be able to achieve everything I wanted, I still focused on some intangibles. I made HOLA shine, and I made Division N feel more solid as a community.

Now? My measureof success is to make things better, to anake people better - to coach, mentor , lead, work side-by-side with. I need not go after millions - and I would think twice about that if it would sacrifice my family's wholeness or happiness, or my personal integrity as a civic leader.

So yeah, now success is about building a better world, one step (or action) at a time. Build a legacy - but cotinue learning, improving, and caring, sharing, celebrating life when I can - though responsibly. As much as possible. I want to enjoy life within my means. Accept what I have, and challenge myself with what I can change.Stay humble, stay simple, stay grounded - follow my true north, and live life the way it should be dome - peaacefully. happily, responsibly.

Memoirs Q10: What have been the Most Rewarding Experiences in your Career?

I had to pause and think about this. For starters, I neede tothnk about what rewarding is about. It couls be possible that my definition of reward wold have been different as the decades came and went. Thus my concept of what was rewarding - in hindsight, may prove difficuly to discern. Career may also mean things outsidfe from just work. This really made me think - and to this day, as I tyle this out, I am still wondering what highlights I might have, that would define 'rewarding' and experience.

I could surmise that it had to deal with overcoming a challenge - to prove myself to otehrs (and myself as well). So what can I place in that category? I could say my trip to Tanzania. It was a challenge to go there and teach sometihng I was not too familair with - I mean, I knew Systems Analysis - but it was not something I taught rgularly bavk then. But teach it I did - with Nelda (my training partner taking teh major modules of Analysis and Design, while I took the rest. I covered Infl Planning, Data Analysis, Ststem Security, and Relational Databases, among others - all in a span of three weeks. When Helda talked, I assisted - specially in the exercises protion of the workshop.

Through sheer grit, some hutspah and tapping into real life knowledge, I got to complete the training. Nelda left a week earlier when her workshops were done, and I stayed on. I was married with Barbie on her last trimerster - but I knew I had a lot more time to spare before her giving birth to Bryce. We even had a long distance conversation - and boy, did we pay for that.

In the end, though, I was able to save up a bit, and got Barbie the watch she wanted - actually, I gifted her with the higher version. Somethign I was able to buy in Dubai Duty Free. So there was a little monetary reward. That was a nice time. I successfully completed an assignment. Proved myself to my boss, and in the process showed people that I was a highly competent and dependable instructor for I/ACT/

Second most rewarding experience would be my capability of handling my team - two different teams, two different times, two different companies. Why do I emphasize this? Oh nothing... just the fact taht I was able tomake them highly productive and close - a team that woulc collaborte with each other, help each other out, and I'd like to think that I was ale to do this with a good enoug Business model (Situational Leadership), and even whe I was not the lead on a third comapny, I still found people gravitating to me because I knew how things were run in training sessions.

hree... my ability to absoerb and teach new stuff - be the technical or people skills related. Something I still can do. This makes me confident about accepting assignments that are training-related.

Lastly? Maybe my Hall of Learners Advanced Toastmasters experience - oth as VP or President. This was a great team of individuals - leaders or influences all. When you are surrounded with highly capable, positive and eager to help indivisuals, leading becomes a breeze. Not to say it was alsways easy, but it was great to see people work and collaborate. This is the kind of team I wouldn't mind leading any timr.