Memoirs Q18: How do you Manage Stress and Maintain Balance in your life?

Back in the day, when I was Training Head of the Institute of Advanced Computer Technology, I would go through many iterations of training my instructors. It wasn't because I was losing them to the competition - rather they were being tapped to teach in St. Charles, Illinios. Becoming faculty to the school for Andersen Consulting - later Accenture. Natrually, they would jump to the opportunity to go to the U.S. earn in Dollars, and be part of a highly technical school training future Consultants. Simply put, it was a more positive, challenging and addictive enough that those that experienced the school alwasy wanted to go back. One wat to go back was to quit, wait for 6 months, then apply directly to St. Charles. Returning to I/ACT was not something they wanted.

Unfortunately, this seeming one-sided situation alwasy put me in the need to hire and train people - only to see them go when they were good at training already. I did not even have control with saying it couldn't be done because that project was raking in the dollars. What was worse, the other department was being recognized for the profits while mine was always affected. Sure I got to get thigns done - but I never got to experience any technology or knowledge transfer from the people who came back.

So how did I destress? For starters, I did listen to music - at times, loud enough to lose myself to the music. I read comics, or books. At times, I would go out with my office mates, but not much. By then, I was already married, so I had to get home to my wife... and later still, to my family. So enjoying the moments with the kids was a destresser of sorts. We would do a weekend staycation - enjoy the pool or simply stay in teh airconditioned room and order food.

I also had, on occasion, been part of a gaming group - the Society of Anachronists Gamers and Adventurers. We were role palying Dungeons and Dragons... unfortunately, I was unable to stay until the early hours of the morning like what otehrs did to continue the adventures. So it was also a bit frustrating. I would have some drinking sessions with my friends - mostly drinking at home.

Later, I would add caring for tropical fishes via an aquarium. This allwed me to aquascape and populate the aquarium with fishes that I would love to watch when I got home. Seeing the fishes and mini shrimps move around in a planted environment was cathartic. It wa also a form of pride that my aquariums were great to look at. I really should get back tosetting one up some time soon. We had to bring it to my brotehr-in-law's place, for lack of a place to put them in our current place.

Of course, now i don't have too mcuh pressure or stress at work these days. Going into a domestic routine that being retired does. Oh yeah, before I forget... having a dog was also a good way to destress. There was alway a nice aspect of having someone lovingly gret you when you got home. I had that when we were in Cubao, and I have one now as well.

Memoirs Q17: What are some of the Key Lessons you've learned from your Failures?

I will, once again, need to think on this one.

First of... I needed to think of a failure in life. For this, I had to go back to College. First, I had failed Accounting, not once... not twice, but thrice. The third time was the most frustrating because I did not reach teh cut off by two points. Why did this happen? I'll just have to chalk it up with disinterest on the subject. Commerce was not a choice I wanted in College. Probably because I did not find an interest in business back then. But my dad and grandfather did not want me to opt for Medicine, so there I was... in a course I was unsure of... taking a subject that was all about records-keeping. I was uninterested - yet this wa a major subject I needed to pass. I eventually did, but how did I do it? I beat the system - and learned to cheat. That's right... if trying to learn things did not work, I needed some code which I learned to slightly write in between the worksheet's lines using a light pencil - so small it was almost invisible.

Was I proud of this? Fuck yeah... I flunked College the first time because of accumulated failure units - and Accounting was basically a strong reason why it happened. So if you can't learn it... find a way around it. Sometimes, finding cheat codes makes for a better answer than being honest. That was one lesson. I learened how to be street smart.

Another failure I had happened early in my team lead days - I thought one style would work for all. This was before I learned about Situational Leadership - and by the time I read and learned about it, I laready had practical experience on what does not work. I just did not know why. And for a while, I thought I was a lousy leader. Not true... I just did not know how to lead for any situation. Now i know - different folks, different strokes - thogoh in this case, strokes is about Leadership styles. I may have learned about this a bit late to help myself and others prevent frustration. Not anymore. Now I teach leadership because I don't want others to go through the leadership trap thatis a one style fits all technique. You don't ram a square peg into a round hole.

Lessons? Be true to yourself - it can spare you from a lot of frustration. Come prepared, make your needed cheat codes. People are people - they have different personalities, different inspirations, different expectations and maybe even different learning styles. Yes, I can read financial documents - but don't make me make them. I eventually graduated witha course on Finance - not Accounting. I alwasy say the accountatn would painstakingly do checks and balances and will make sure every penny is accountted for. The fiannce guy will thing all those hours will be a waste of time, effort and resources - and will take out the penny from his pocket and say, there... now it's balanced. I preffer practical over correct.

Memoirs Q16: What Hobbies or Interests have you pursued that bring you joy?

For a long time, since Grade School, my answer would be collecting comic books - specifically the Marvel Comics group. I can trace my early interest back to my Grandmother, bringing home comics, and there would be a pile on the bedside for her, and her partner, to read (her husband died during the war). One fo the early memories I have was Captain America struggling against the Fourth Sleeper - he was so outclassed, yet he persevered.

I recognized Cap and other heroes because of the classic marvel cartoons - the one where they literally get a panel from the comics then move parts of it for action movement, while adding action sound effect ballons. This started my love for Marvel comics. Of course, I also got introduced to groups like the Fantastic Four, Avengers (of whom I knew several characters like Captain America, Iron Man and Thor), and the X-men.

It was in the middle of High School when they introduced the All New, All Different X-men - and I really used this as a starting point to collect a title continuously. The FF and Avengers were great - but I could not just start them because the issue numbers were too large - too many back issues that I could not find. In that same regard, I collected the Defenders. When John Buscema returned to the Avengers, I used that as a jump on point as well.

I would naturally copy, and learn to draw, some artists - chief being Neal Adams - loved his X-men, his Kree-Skrull Was (Avengers), and across the Distinguished Competition, Batman / Detective Comics. I also liked Jim Starlin, George Perez, John Buscema, Jim Aparo, Dick Giordano, Terry Austin, John Byrne, Jack Kirby (though more his older stuff), John Romita Sr. I can talk about comics for hours. Yes, I finally started collecting DC titles starting with Crisis on Infinite Earths (and boy was I confused with so many characters), I also strted collecting Teen Titans by Marv Wolfman and George Perez. Those were masterful stories. The Judas Contract has to be one of the best slow burn stories ever.

I have a small sense of pride seeing people now recognizing the cahracters and stories I grew up with - though I would be utterly disapointed when the stories do not follow the characters - which is why to this date, I have not watched the 3rd Fantastic Four movie (what were they thinking of?), but will highly reccomend Fantastic Four First Steps.

Another passion, if you can call it that, is music - yes, I got into the Disco era by knowing the music - I could say I had a sens for great music... not just dance music but Folk Rock and Country. I collected records, as I wanted to be in charge of the party's music. Since we had casssettes, I would create a cassete full of dance or slow music. Then when I place the cassete in, I would rush to the woman I would like to dance with and ask her for the dance even before the music started. Call it a sort of insider information. Hey, I would have to come all the way from behind the DJ's booth, so I needed the early knowledge. I was active with my love for music from late High School to Early College.

Another passion - something I always wanted to try, but did not have the finds to pursue back then was Photography. It was later, when Digital Cameras started becoming cheaper, that I jumped into finally try my hand with photography. I went in deep - but not as deep as I would have wanted. Still, to help practice and get myself into the groove, I set up a Project 365 blog. This tacked blogging and photography - two interests in one. I tried Black and White photography, colored. My one frustration - one I'll hopefully get to try some day are photography with models - hopefully nudes. But even if not, I would like to practice with models - and not have to force my family to pose, or take stolen shots. As it is, I take pictures of my pets... at least they don't complain.

One more passion would be reading - I am an avid reader, though nowadays I seem to gravitate more to ebooks and audio books. Call it a need for space. I have plastic boxes filled with books I can't display, but if and when they're up - I would love to hang around my books. I love Fantasy, Science Fiction, some Self-help books. I even had a complete collection of the hardbound Hardy Boys - until termites got to them. Ah well...

Is there anything else? Well... one more... Role Playing Games. Dungeouns and Dragons with friends. But I was known for running the TSR Marvel game - of course. I used my deep knowledge of the characters to help enrich the games.

Is there any connection to them all? I'm sure there is. But I will have to think on it.

Memoirs Q15: How do you celebrate Milestones in Your Life.

Most milestones are celebrated either in a Hotel Buffet, or we privately order a ton of food and we just celebrate privately as a family. In my 60th birthday; which happened during COVID times, we just ordered food, and Barbie had baloons set up against the wall - she asked me to go to John's place and he kept me busy while they were setting up. So when I got home, I was surprised by the backdrop, and welcome.

Ten years ago, we just went to the lobby of Manila Peninsula to just have a simple meal - then the orchestra played Happy Birthday.

Now, in the family, after my birthdaym Bernice's birthday comes two weeks later... so we do the same thing. Either buy food and celebrate at home, or we go to try a Hotel Buffet. Inviting her friends to said buffet. Of course, on her debut, when asked if she wanted a celebration or a Japan trip, she chose the latter - so we went as a family.

By the ned of May, it's Bryce's celebration, and a week after is Barbie's birthday. So we do the same thing all over again. Our next mielstone? June for our wedding anniversary, and July for our other anniversary (when we became officially a couple). Those are our typical milestones celebrated yearly, with a slightly higher milestone celebration. Other than that, we always celebreate Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year - and at certain times, we would also celebrate with her family, and mine.

I don't expect. nor demand more than this. After all, it is always best to celebreate milestones with loved ones - and for me, my immediate family is my circle of loves ones.

Memoirs Q14: What role has Travel played in your Personal Development?

International Travel has always been an adventure. My very first one was in the late 70s to Malaysia, when I visited my dad. From meeting corrupt ground crew (and being victimized of a few dollars), to admiring how the Malaysian city had a very separate bike/motorcycle lane that looked a lot safer and better planned. I did not stay too long to enjoy the place, nor learn it's culture. I also got to learn more of my dad - more than the usual Sunday visits allowed. It gave me the chance to expand my horizon and see how cloistered I was.

Next was Tanzania, and boy was that an adventure. I'm used to the fact that my currency was lesser than others, so to land in a country that was less developed and with a currency less valuable than ours was an experience. Since this was an SGV project, it meant I also got SGV staff allowances. Good thing too - Dar Es Salaam may have reminded me of the Philippines in the 60's - it's lack of a steel industry amde me witness how construction of multi leveled buldings were being done - mostly by bamboo poles.

I also learned a few Swalhili words, and even went on a Safari.

My next trip was while working in I/ACT - two actually. First was Las Vegas, and attended a computer convention. Learnings? While it was just me and two other companions - my boss and a colleague who was brought along for his technical knowledge? Me? More for training purposed. But I marveled at the convention's size. I also marveled at Las Vegas - we were part of a contingent and I was not too keen to get to know anyone else. I was too engrosed with what I was seeing. There were some dissapointments, though. For one, I expected to hear what was new in the music scene. Unfortunately, I came in at the time when retro was in full swing. So listening to the airwaves and getting a doze of 70's songs like Funky Town was surreal. It was like the Tilight Zone. I guess the fact that we were billeted in Circus Circus did not help remove the retro vibe.

Second was in Singapore - to attend a talk. Problem was, it was my first experience with Singlish and the different tone. So I was being distracted with the pronunciation of the speaker to appreciate the talk. What a waste - oh well, at least there was the Night Safari where ironically I saw more lions than in the Mikumi park back in Tanzania. I also learned that Barbie's body grew real fast (being pregnant with Bryce) and that few days travel showed a very distinct change to her bulge - she seemed very very pregnant. I guess you don't see such change when you witness it on a daily basis.

From there, it was a long haiatus for travel - my next trip was a family vacation to Hong Kong, courtesy of Barbie. This time, it was a great experince to bring the kids to Disneyland, and I smiled and even teared up with my first experience with a real 3D movie. But I likes the overall experince - and watching the kids enjoy as well was the icing on the cake.

Succeeding travels were Japan, South Korea, Taiwan. All family vacations. All exciting and wonderful as far as experiences went. Suprisingly, we all thought that a return trio to Japan would be a good idea at a future time. A Taiwan return trip would be great too.

Enriching? Most definitely. Better for it. And the experiences enriched my memories. I'm not even including my domestic travels.

Memoirs Q13: Can you recall the time when you took a Significant Risk? What was the outcome?

I'm normally a stay safe kinda guy. Not that I'm risk-averse, more that I am a realist in looking at what I can try to get away with vs. what I can lose. I also try to make sure any potential stupidity on my end will not adversely affect those I hold near and dear (i.e. my family).

But there were probably a hadnful of times I just threw caution to the wind, thinking 'to hell with it' and worried about how I'll fix things later. One that comes to mind was the work I was doing before I went ot my Asian Development Bank days. I was working for an insurance company, and reporting to the boss. My role? computer programmer - later, IT guy.

Thing is, aside from being the IT guy, I was dragged around and introduced to the Junior Chambers. But this was not for my benefit, but for his numbers game. He did not really think of others, nor was he thinking of being a volunteer - nope, he was more concerned with getting richer, and having the prestige to get more. He was manipulative, and got people to work for him - preferably 'yes' men.

Thing is, I'm not that kind of guy. I questioned his motives internally - until I started becoming less 'yes' oriented and more, 'I'll do what I think is right', or 'what is morally right' technique. So naturally, I started drifting farther from the tight circle of trust. It simply came to a point that I just called it wuits. Did not bother to return to work, and ditched the job.

I just abandoned the work. No resignation letter. I just could not take more of working for the guy.

Lucky for me, I found the ADB work fast, and decided to go for it.

Why was this risky? Abandonment? That could have been the action taken against me - but I did not care. I guess I wasn't worth the effort. I think he also knew that I knew a lot, and did not weigh the pros vs. cons. I just made sure our orbits never crossed. When the tpoic was about him, I just kept quiet, and listened with disinterest. If it was a critique of his leadership, I would just nod sagely. But boy, did his successes seem misalligned with what I read about leadership. Then again, there can be so many suckers - specially if they don't know him.

How did this turn out? My work in ADB was lightyears better for my psychie. I became happier, and more productive. So definitely, it was worht the risk. How did this turn out>

Memoirs Q12: How have friendships impacted your Life Journey?

I would have to say that friends are the support group one has in life. In my different times, I have had different groups of friends that made life feel much better. For starters, in Grade School, recess and lunch breaks were somethigns to look forward to because it allowed me to stay with friends and either discuss hobies and interests, or play games - Vampire tag was one of them. The whole quadrangle was our turf, as we were tasked to run away from the 'vampires', the 'it' person (or people) who needed to walk around with their shirt collars turned up, so we can see the vampires from afar - and run like hell. The game ends when the bell rings, and everyone goes back to class - albeit, sweaty from all the running we did.

As we got older, and got shuffled into different classes, we met other friends - High School combined the students of Taft with Greenhills - in Greenhills, so it was a new experience meeting others. By this time my main interests and hobies were comic books, and naturally, I gravitated to one or two freinds with the same interest. But through this I also met new friends - mostly from familial connections. It wasn't easy tranferring home and uprooting your life and friends, but that is what happened when we transferred from Life Homes, where I had a group fo friends, to Cubao - oh well, at least I still had my school friends - this time, the ones I met in College.

It was also by this time I got involved with Gaming... specifically, TSR's Marvel game, and through it, later on, Dungeons and Dragons. I helped form the loose gaming group called SAGA (Society of ANachronosts, Gamers and Adventurers) composed of gamers from La Salle, Ateneo and UP. This was our first chance of learning and sharing with each other - oh yeah, and we weren't just from those three schools either. Just majority of us came from there, but we had great friends who came from St. John's as well. We would meet and play in San Juan.

Some of these guys became close like brothers (and sisters), we invited each other to our weddings, celebrated familial milestones, some even became my kids; God Parents.

Funny thing is, some friends - due to life taking us in different ways, disappear, and reappear - others are, unfortunately, living abroad, and I wonder if we will ever see them again - unless they visit the Philippines or if I go to their place.

Now I meet new friends in Toastmasters - sharing the love for public speaking, leadership, learning, mentoring, and helping the organization - via District 75, enrich other's lives.

So how do Frienships impact my life? I would say that friends adds a lot of colors to an otherwise mundane existence. It is the stuff that brings memories that we go back to reminisce about things - be they funny, sad, inspiring... and I love each and every memory I have had with friends - and pplan to continue to do so. in years to come.

Memoirs Q11: How do you Define Success, and how has that definition evolved over time?

In different times of my life, I would say success has been attached to things I desired to get or achieve. For a long time, at a younger age and point in my career, it was achieving success at work. Early on, that would mean learning what I needed to learn and be able to use / train others to use these. A programming language, a program I create shifted to being able to share this knowledge to others and make them empowered with using the new learnings.

An example would be to teach others the advantages of dBase III+ dot commands, as opposed to just relying on basic Lotus 123. I showed my students back then that dB3 was more flexible with the use of data, specially with the sorting and filtering of data for reports. Yes, yes... that comes across as too shallow nowadays - specially with the visual basic aspects embeded into Excel these days, thus allowing pivot tables... but back then, this was the equivalent knowledge level in a pre-windows world.

Another measure of success - one thrust upon us as a training team, was the satisfaction survey of the perticipants / customers, giving a score range form 1 (the worst, or poor), to 5 (the best, highly satisfied). So I strove to get high scores... if not fives. My pride drove me... I needed to prove this to myself, and show it to others. This made me look and be accepted as a great facilitator - maybe not the best, but definitely one of the best.

Evantually, I got tired of getting the high marks - it seemed superflous, and I shifted my focus for success in being able to ensure I could lead the team, do proper knowledge transter - if not from me, then from others in the team. I needed to make everyone better at being skilled to teach differing topics. My aim was redundency - should someone call in sick, I would hope that someone else can jump in on short notice and take the absent person's place and continue the lessons from there. So you could say, my focus and measure of success - at least for me, was to be a better leader, supervisor, mentor to my team.

I already shared my experience in Tanzania - I would have to point out that my stint in the Asian Development Bank, exposing me to different nationalities and cultures, helped me tackle diverse audiences. Ironically, it was not to ignore the differences - but learn about them, and find similarities. Or share knowledge of how these differences,make me get to know each individual even better.

So my view of success changed based on what I deemed as important to get the job done.

However, when I got married, and barbie and I started raising Bryce and Bernice, my priorities and measure for success, likewise shofted once again. This time, it was to be a good provider, a good husband and a good parent. I opted to be a good example to my kids.I needed to be a batter partner to Barbie - to prove we could be a loving family. I was painfully awar of the difficulties I went through as a child in a broken family, so I used staying together as a family, and making things work, as a measure of success. To date I still work with making the family stay together, and I may have been lacking in some things, but I compensate in other means.

As a Toastmaster, I've had some metrics to follow as well, and though I may not be able to achieve everything I wanted, I still focused on some intangibles. I made HOLA shine, and I made Division N feel more solid as a community.

Now? My measureof success is to make things better, to anake people better - to coach, mentor , lead, work side-by-side with. I need not go after millions - and I would think twice about that if it would sacrifice my family's wholeness or happiness, or my personal integrity as a civic leader.

So yeah, now success is about building a better world, one step (or action) at a time. Build a legacy - but cotinue learning, improving, and caring, sharing, celebrating life when I can - though responsibly. As much as possible. I want to enjoy life within my means. Accept what I have, and challenge myself with what I can change.Stay humble, stay simple, stay grounded - follow my true north, and live life the way it should be dome - peaacefully. happily, responsibly.

Memoirs Q10: What have been the Most Rewarding Experiences in your Career?

I had to pause and think about this. For starters, I neede tothnk about what rewarding is about. It couls be possible that my definition of reward wold have been different as the decades came and went. Thus my concept of what was rewarding - in hindsight, may prove difficuly to discern. Career may also mean things outsidfe from just work. This really made me think - and to this day, as I tyle this out, I am still wondering what highlights I might have, that would define 'rewarding' and experience.

I could surmise that it had to deal with overcoming a challenge - to prove myself to otehrs (and myself as well). So what can I place in that category? I could say my trip to Tanzania. It was a challenge to go there and teach sometihng I was not too familair with - I mean, I knew Systems Analysis - but it was not something I taught rgularly bavk then. But teach it I did - with Nelda (my training partner taking teh major modules of Analysis and Design, while I took the rest. I covered Infl Planning, Data Analysis, Ststem Security, and Relational Databases, among others - all in a span of three weeks. When Helda talked, I assisted - specially in the exercises protion of the workshop.

Through sheer grit, some hutspah and tapping into real life knowledge, I got to complete the training. Nelda left a week earlier when her workshops were done, and I stayed on. I was married with Barbie on her last trimerster - but I knew I had a lot more time to spare before her giving birth to Bryce. We even had a long distance conversation - and boy, did we pay for that.

In the end, though, I was able to save up a bit, and got Barbie the watch she wanted - actually, I gifted her with the higher version. Somethign I was able to buy in Dubai Duty Free. So there was a little monetary reward. That was a nice time. I successfully completed an assignment. Proved myself to my boss, and in the process showed people that I was a highly competent and dependable instructor for I/ACT/

Second most rewarding experience would be my capability of handling my team - two different teams, two different times, two different companies. Why do I emphasize this? Oh nothing... just the fact taht I was able tomake them highly productive and close - a team that woulc collaborte with each other, help each other out, and I'd like to think that I was ale to do this with a good enoug Business model (Situational Leadership), and even whe I was not the lead on a third comapny, I still found people gravitating to me because I knew how things were run in training sessions.

hree... my ability to absoerb and teach new stuff - be the technical or people skills related. Something I still can do. This makes me confident about accepting assignments that are training-related.

Lastly? Maybe my Hall of Learners Advanced Toastmasters experience - oth as VP or President. This was a great team of individuals - leaders or influences all. When you are surrounded with highly capable, positive and eager to help indivisuals, leading becomes a breeze. Not to say it was alsways easy, but it was great to see people work and collaborate. This is the kind of team I wouldn't mind leading any timr.

Memoirs Q9: Can you share a Significant Challenge you faced, and how you overcame it?

I can share two - both work related. Both while I was with I/ACT (the Institute of Advanced Computer Technology). These happend sometime early to mid-Nineties. The first one was when I was assigned to teach in the Asian Development Bank (ADB) as part of the Computer Training group. My boss approached me one day to ask if I still know my Systems Analysis training from my I/ACT days as a student. I said vaguely... but I could refresh myself. She said I could sit in some night courses to refresh myself in Makati. Reason, she wa thinking of sending me as part of a two-person team to teach staff from the National Bank of Commerce, in Tanzania.

Apparently, I was noticed when I volunteered to teach weekend classes aside form my ADB assignment. This showed initiative, which she liked. Hence sshe thought of me for this project. I would be flying to Tanzania and stay for about a month. Both to teach and assist in the courses. I asked if there was a training manual I could use, and without batting an eyelash, she said yes. I would have to bring the manuals and transparencies (those acetates can really be heavy).

The challenge was that when I was already in Tanzania - at Dar Es Salaaam, I realized that he manuals were less helpful than I jhoped for. I ended up studying at roughly 1am, after a few hours of sleep, and thinking, wondering, connecting what I read, with what I knew about businesses, and the IT world. At times, I was just a day ahead of my students. Boy, was that challenging. To make matters worse, telecommuncation from Dar Es Salaam to Manila was not that efficient, and it was exxpensive too. So I couldn't ask for help for people back home to help explain cetain concepts to me.

Bottom line, I was able to conenct things in a practical way, and this was how I presented the ideas to my students. I didn't know it yet, but I apparently was using a prefered manner for knowledge transfer by connecting the ideas to practical applications. So, yey me!

Challenge number two.

The comapny underwent new management, and I stayed on to help the new managers run the business side of Training. I was now the boss in the first scenario. Unfortunately, there woudl be some decisions by the owners that would not be easy to sell. One particular case was with our Hardware training line up of business. This was a series of three classes - one week each. Highly technical. It was also run by a part-timer, J H. I hide the identity to keep this person safe, but I'm sure people working back then with me, will know who it is I'm reffering to.

The prblem started when managment decided on a price increase - naturally, the students taking up the first module saw the price increase and complained. Unfortunately, Jun did not help placate them, and even sided with them. Though they had valid reasons, Jun's style fanned the flames of anger and frustration of the class - then turned the problem to Marketing, who could not control the angry class. So they asked my help.

I already saw that this was a situation mishandled by the instructor, and Marketing was not able to control. They simply had no say in the price increase. So my first act was to remind everyone in the room not to shoot the messenger. I listened to their concerns (liek i said, they were legitimate ones) and promised to raise the issues with the new owners. I left feeling frustrated, and sought the owner - explained the reasons, and asked they consider keeping the price back to it's original one for the current students - so long as they would continue to the next scheduled classes.

To me it was simple - keep the prices as it was and have a guaranteed two more weeks of classes, or possibly lose these two due ot disgruntled students. Luckily, Management agreed, and I went back to the class to give htem the good news. I received a room full of applause, and that sort of assuaged my stress earlier. So... great work, me. I listened to the customers, showed my concern, said I would talk on their behalf - though no promises were made. Then I got to present their concerns to Management, and got the exemption to the price increase for hte current class... no thanks to the instructor, who washed his hands form the problem.

Memoirs Q8: What was your first job, and what did you learn from it?

My first job was as a developer in EESSCOM - I forget the aronym, but it was a PC assembly company that sort of repackaged, painted, then sold the PCs. I was hired as part of the software developemnt team, but also became part of the after sales service team. Part of the package back then was for every PC sold, there would be a free training in some software. These were DOS, Wordstar, Harvard Graphics and maybe even Lotus 123... just enough to make the buyer able to use the PC they bought.

What did I learn? FOr starters, that the business wasn't totally honest with what they sold. THey had two lines of PCs - one more expensive thatn the other - but the inner workings were all the same? The difference? The other was a dark gray colored casing (all painted internally, of course), so what the customer was paying for was just paint for the more expensive line. I also learned the need to test the PCs after, by keeping them on overnight - complete with monitors looping certain displays - their version of a hardware stress test.

I learned that if you were not in sales, you were not important in tihs company. I even participated in a 'fixed' bidding for a province, wehre we were supposed to represent different companies bidding for a hardware sale to the province. i was given the task fo representing one company (we were all formone company though, and I believe the Governor knew this). Man... I didn't enjoy that.

Given the chance, I got out to seek better employment.

Memoirs Q7: Were there any pivotal moments in your life that altered your path?

I will need to reflect on this a bit. Will update when I think of such things.

Okay. It really depends on what we mean by pivotal moments here. A time when I had a bad moment that made me realize I should be better than this? Sure, it happened. When I was in Grade School I got away with shoplifting - it became easy for me - unitl I got caught. Boy was that a humiliating moment for me. If I could run away, I would have. Anyway, I stopped doing it because it wasn't worht the agravation to me and my parents.

Another pivotal moment? Let's see... I can't really say. Maybe I can recally bad moments. As for good moments, well... were they life altering? The forst time I held my son; Bryce, in my arms - I was present in the delivery room - I remember the doctors were even asking if I was feeling woozy. Maybe some husbands fainted in the middle of it all? I don't know. But I flet a life moment change - form that moment forth, I was officially a father... responsible for the life of a helpless child. I did not get the same feeling with my daughter; Bernice, though, because I wasn't allowed to enter - as Barbie wasn;t the only pregnant patient around that time.

Did I get other epiphanies along the way? Like the start of this entry, I'll just update it as I recall something really important.

Memoirs Q6: How did your Education shape your Worldview?

In Gradeschool,I went to La Salle Greenhills. How did this shape me? For starters, I grew up in a more often English speaking environment, so I became a fluent speaker - as the years went by, my vocabulary increased. We even had speech classes, and a laboratory where we would record ourselves and listen and our teacher would comment or correct our pronunciation. Hence I need not worry about Grammar police when writing or speaking to others. My Education in this continues to be honed and sharpened by my joining and being active in Toastmasters.

In High School, I took my status as a La Salle student for granted. I did not see why others saw it as an asset in society. Guess that was because I was exposed to the environment all the time - I've seen what was good, and bad, and how I did not put this matter on a pedestal as others seem to take it as. It really did not get me to win dates with the girls... though that was also because I was not in any position to use it.

In College, I experienced a different world. Suddenly we wer co-ed, and I had friends taking differnt courses. I was taking Commerce - with an initial focus on Marketing, but I was seemingly immersed in something alien to me. Marketing needed someone who could talk, sell, convince others to buy - that wasn't me. I was more an introvert. Later I switched to Finance. Better... though I really did not like worksheets, and journals, and just appreciated spreadsheets better because they allowed for quick computations. But really, I wasn't too keen on learning the ropes about business, and I just graduated out of sheer determination. But boy, did I feel like a fish out of water. So how did this shape me? I dunno... it was a confusing time in my life - lucky for me I had friends.

Beyond College, I took a comprehensive Computer course in the Institute of Advanced Computer Technology - this was where I learned computers, programming in BASIC, a but of COBOL (too clunky for me, and I did not finish it within the given timeframe) and Systems Analysis - which I loved. I absorbed the concepts, the PERT chart, the Critical Path, I liked planning, and problem solving. This, I could do. So yeah, I got technical.

In my rather first job, I was a programmer - but I was also introduced to the Junior Chambers, wehre I learned about leadership, and thinking of projects with zero budget - needing to source these. The club taught me politics - which I did not like, and gave me a chance to be a trainer, when I took the training for trainers program. This gave me the needed skillset that I would be using for decades.

So how did all these shape me? For starters, it helped me realize more about people skills - and in so doing, become less an introvert, and more an ambivert. It helped me communicate, understand and even teach. Because I had great comprehension of English, I enjoyed reading books from a varied of genre - SciFi, Fantasy, Adventure... not much on Horror or Love Stories. Epics... depends. I got to Finish Gone With The Wind, Frank Herbert's Dune saga (all six original books), Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, even soemthing seeming as technical as the Tom Clancy books. I have a small library and I continue to add to it - though slowly nowadays... prefering audio books these days, or digital copies. Space became a concern, so I even have some disassembled book shelves. Just waiting to find the proper location for them, and my books.

So... I'm a searcher for knowledge, a wanderer for advanture, but I am also tethered to reality, can understand fianncials, can understand computers and the IT industry, and have built my comunication skills. I can lead when the need arises, I have a conscience and heart. I value integity, because I know how fallible we can be. I know I can be flawed - but despite this, I strive to be better.

Memoirs Q5: What Values were most emphasized in your upbringing?

We weren't given values straight forward like. No posters, or kumbaya chantings, nor were there oaths uttered. Not really. So the values instilled were mostly learned through others' actions (or non-actions).

We start with Respect - of elders, of other people, of family. I guess that would have been ingrained. This later extended to realizing that respecting otehrs with what we say or do to them - hence the Golden Rule of 'Do unto others what you want done to you' - respect by calling people by their name (assuming we can rememebr their name - but even here, there is a matter of respect by trying to make the effort to remember their names. Nowadays, it is alos respect of otehrs' feelings, life choices, beliefs. Seeing others as people - as equals in society's eyes. Having an open mind about things, and others. Respect was ingrained in us early on - and it serves me well when I practice it on others in life.

Partnering this would be something that is likewise ingrained - though admitedly, something I at times forget to do. Responsibility, Knowing what you ar responsible for, and knowing how this may affect others if you do, or do not enact this practice.

Then there's valueing truth, or integrity. Being consistent with what you do, and say, and making sure that these are based on truthful knowledge. No pandering of falsehood. This doesn't mean I'm a saint... far from it. But when I am in front of others - what they see is what they get. No pretentions, no deceptions. If I were to foster trust in others, I need to show them that I am dependable, and truthful.

As a boy scout, we had these laws that we uphold. Turstowrthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful Thrifty, Brave, Clean and Reverent. These were the values we expect to follow - and I was in he scouting movement for the better part of my Grade School and High School. I'm surprise I remember them.

I also got some of my values from comics, books, and maybe even TV shows and movies. The concept of heroism - of doing good. Persevering. The Hardy Boys gave me a sense of advanture - a love for mystery and problem solving. It also exposed me to the concepts of friendships, family, and community.

I'm sure they could be others. But these were my early values - most of which I still practice to this day. They form my moral compass.

Memoirs Q4: What are some of your Most Cherished Childhood Traditions?

The automatic response here would be Christmas gatherings. We ould - back in the days, make sure we were together for Christmas. At the least, as a family. But since our family could not get together for Chirstmas, we'd spend the eve preparing for Christmas - even at times going to midnight mass, so when we got home in time for the midnight hour, we'd eat of our Chirstmas feast. This would usually have ham, fruit salad, possibly pasta, and ube halaya which I would have been responsible for making.

Then on Chirstmas day, it would a trip with my dad to our Lola's place, or a relative's where everyone else would be gathered together. to continue the Christmas celebration with my dad's side of the family.

But the nice thing about Christmas, which is why it was my favorite tradition, was the carols that would permeate the airwaves in radios and malls - okay, maybe not so much the malls - except for COD and it's displays. The setting up the tree, and at an early age, I wanted to help set it up, so my mom taught me how to fix the lights before they went up the tree. That was my role. So when the tree went up for all to admire, I could say I helped via making sure the lights were all working and blinking. Oh yeah, not forget the presents. As kids we looked forward to presents, and were either happy with what we got, or disappointed.

Because of all that, the other traditions could not hold a candle to Christmas.

Holy week, for example taught us about Christ's sufferings. But as a kid, a;; I rememebr were that TV and radios would go silent. We would have to fast from a meal - taking on just bread and water, if needed. Plus abstaining from meat- at least until Easter Sunday. Sunday would be celebrating again - sometimes with an egg hunt in the gardens, later... these eggs would be turned into chocolate eggs - as opposed to the hard boiled eggs (I mean, one can eat only so much hard boiled eggs - but chocolates? No such limits. And because things were kinda boring for a few days, Easter wasn't as fun to look forward to.

Oone tradition my dad instilled in me was the love for reading books - I would read a book about the Hardy Boys, and once this was finished, he'd offer to get me another one. I later transferred this to my kids... a trip to the bookstore at around payday, and they could choose any book in the bookstore for me to buy for them. In my dad's case, it was coincidental perhaps... in mine, it was deliberate as I wanted my kids to enjoy reading.

Memoirs Q3: Who had the most significant influence on your life during your formative years?

I'd have to go with my mom. She was the family's pillar She may not have been perfect - and I did share that she could be strict and inflexible... with a my way or the highway kid of mindset. Still she taught me all these things - either as a way to emulate - or vow not to do to others. Either way, I formed my moral compass by these terms.

I learned to be good to others. Not to take advantage of others. To respect others. To keep one's promise, or word. To have a sense of honor - and do unto others... yes, even a healty respect for Religion. But as I said, I also learned a few things like being diplomatic about things, specially when my dad asked about my mom, and my mom asekd about my dad. I knew that saying the wrong thing would fan flames - so i carefully crafted my messages.

Mom also caried her sense of honor too high at times. She owuld quit a job when slighted - not bothering to fight back - thus losing out on others who wanted to ease her out. That would be a mistake, as her family suffered. I guess, she wasn't practical and when she decided... come hell of high water, she'd stick to it. I learned to be flexible and measure all the outcomes before making my final decision. I knew when ego needed to step back. When silence was golden, and what to do - and not do in times of conflict... mostly by dealing with my mom. So yeah, she was a great influence... but not in all the ways she might have wanted.

Memoirs Q2: How would you describe your family dynamics growing up?

Hookay... when I read this question last night, I just had to pause. I felt I was not in the right mind to answer it when I'm tired. I needed to reflect on this, as it would not be a 'happy' nor an 'ideal' story. No there are no deep dark secrets - but it won't be an ideal one either. So here goes...

My family life - growing up, wasn't an ideal one - we would be reffered to later on as a broken family. My mom left my dad while he was gone - and just brought us kids, and our grandma our of the house in San Juan (the H. Lozada one) and we just transferred to a place in Mandaluyong Capitol. The reason and story is fuzzy to me - oh there were depositions made about it when they went through a Church Annulment proceeding, but back then, my mom did not want us to read her statement because we'd lose respect for my dad> I guess she was shielding us from some painful truths. But that would happen much later.

As I said, we left. From my dad's viewpoint we abandoned him and tihs put him on a low point in life where he just wanted to srink and carousse with friends nightly - that is until Lola Nena, his mom, got him to move into her place. There were possibly several reasons for this separation - one of them was when my dad went home and beat me up with a metal hanger, accusing me of taking his wallet. I may have been a relatively naughty kid - no saint, but I did not do that. Still, I got black and blue welts - my mom nearly shot my dad for it. My Lola Nena asked to care for me, and I ended up recovering at her place for weeks. I guess you could even say all this made for a possibly nice TV drama.

But there we were - a broken family. My mom and dad were not on speaking terms, but she, and Lola Ruby had to work expenses through with the rented house. Me? Well what could I do? I will possibly admit I was afraid of my dad after that beat up incident. To this day, I try to stay independent of him. I rarely ask for his help. My sister, Bing bing, who was very close to him - as in she would sneak into his room whenever he got home back then - she was the most affected - possibly with a sense of abandonment as well. Then she felt hope when he invited her to spend some time with him in Malaysia, my other sister, Tizza - the youngest, was close to Lola Ruby, so she did not feel lost, or abandoned. She went with Bing bing to Malaysia. I had gone ahead of them and back - a chance for me to stay with him some time - and he brought me to a doctor to inquire why I wasn't growing up much - and I had just flunked out of College back then, so as far as he was concerned, I was drifting around.

That drifting was most likely because I did not have the needed support that a whole family would have experienced. I entered a course i really had no interest in -I was thinking Medicine... my Grandpa convinced me to take Commerce instead. There was no Syyap in medicine, he said... and I got swayed. Anyway, back to Malaysia, I kinda enjoyeying there... different culture, food was great, and sleeping in a flat - I experienced my dad's life as a top executive for SC Johnson on a reginal scale. I saw how friendly he was to people - with a dash of naughtiness as well. I statred seeing him as a person.

From High School to College, I wasn't the athletic type - I was bullied at times in Grade school. No familes to help me in campus. I had to fend for myself - I had a handful of friends, and we shared similar hobbies - comics being one, and a pleasure to play tag, but with a twist - the 'it' person would be a Vampire, and when you are tagged by a 'bite mark' on the neck (using our hands to mimic the sinking of teeth) - well, now there'd be two of you. Happy times in those brief times in school.

From Mandaluyong, we moved Pasig Kapitolyo, then to Life Homes in Pasig - this was where I got to meet some friends in the neighborhood, and spent my High School years meeting some girls too. We stayed until my College days arrived, then we moved to Cubao, near the Mariposa area. I had a few friends this time, outside of school and in school. My gaming group - SAGA, and my SA barkada. Needless to say, this latter group had me spending time away from home, and not concentrating on studies, until I got too many accumulated failure units, and had to leave, and transfet to the College of Career Development (later called College of Saint Benilde), which was night school.

But back home it was always me being the eldest helping out with house chores. We would have Sundays reserved with my dad - and he would bring us to Lola Nena's place - where I would spend time with my cousins. THere would be times I would even have summer classes with them, liek Karate and Swimming - but that did not last, and I was the quiet, distant cousin. This was because I was never with them long enough to get to know them completely and form bonds of freindships. There would be a slight awkwardness, I guess - having my dad and mom's situation as a non-spoken topic. But I also saw their family dynamics and wondered why we couldn't be that way too.

So... living with mom, who could not answer everything I needed to know. She treid her best to be a good disciplinarian too... sometimes, I'd have felt that she was too strict - but this helped me form my moral compass as well. I saw her look for companionship - but her marriage was a burden that always kept her from enjoying life. She looked happy at times, but these partnerships couldn't last... hence the need for the Annulment. Unfortunately, she did not get the annulment. There would have been times taht I felt the church was too rigid, and her and my dad's life did not check all the needed boxes to get annuled. So she ended up being alone a lot. But she kept trying - unfortunately as I said, sometimes being too controlling and demanding. There was a time I hated her for forcing me to clean the bathroom regardless of how late it was. My sister got married at 28 - and my mom blamed us for pushing her ot that decision... not for once seeing that she was at fault for being controlling, bitter and less empathetic.

Still she was mom, and I tried to make her happy by giving her what she asked for. But when I married and Barbie and I lived for a while in Cubao - hoping to save up and find a different place, her rules made our lives misserable at times. So I was also happy - for Barbie's sake and Bryce, to move elsewhere. Had she been more open and sharing, we could have stayed and helped her and Bingbing out. Later, because of mounting rental debts, she had to leave and transfer to Cuenca, Batangas - with Tizza and her family. Had she been more empathetic, she wouldn't have had to leave Cubao. Ah well... c'est la vie.

My priority was now 'my' family. And I would do whatever it takes to avoid the mistakes my parents had. Being abroken family wasn't fun, endearing and robbed us of the necessary support system to grow into complete and mature individuals. I, at least, had a loving wife, and got exposed to some great corporate lifestyles. I also had some learnings with first, the Junior Chambers, and later, the Toastmasters - so these things helped shape me for who I am. Yer, I can be naughty... but for the most part, I stay carefully respectful of others.

As I said, this might have been an emotional sharing - and a not too organized one too. But it happened. I'm sure I left out a ton of other things - mostly some fun tidbits... but who knows? I might share those as answers to the other possible questions. Yes, I don't peek at the questions in advance, and will answer them one at a time.

Memoir Q1: What is your earliest Childhood Memory?

When I am asked this, I haev to really dig deep into my memories - these were usually about life in San Juan - less the house in N. Domingo vs. the one in H. Lozada. N. Domingo was our place - but I vaguely remember how the house looks. Nope... I jus rememerb snippets connected to emotions.

I vaguely remeber falling down a ladder of sorts and my foot got caught, which left me hanging for I don't know how long - how I was finally rescued and brought ot the hospital, and how this led me to times when (and this was years later), I experienced needing to stop myself from habitually twisting my foot and somehow making it feel painful again - I needed to stretch it, turn it... but in doing so, I was making it feel painful again. Why? I don't know. I just had to will myself not to do this.

Then there was the time I rode a tree stump like a horse, and started giddy yupping, and feeling some pain on my leg whenever I moved it - until I looked and saw a hairy catterpilar with a good number of it's hair (or needles) stuck on my leg already. This was also painful later, because the way they removed the hair was to drip candle wax on my leg - definitely not fun at all... and it had to be done several times until there seemed to not have any hair any more.

I think I also saw a ghost one night ago. I was in the bed room when I woke up, looked at the door and saw an ethereal floating head. I just hid under the blanket hopeing whatever it was would not see me.

In H Lozada, whoch was connected to the N Domingo property via a back driveway.Both properties formed a big L-shaped property. I think the H Lozada property was my grandmother's property. Mom's mom - Loal Ruby> I vaguely remeber walking from one howse to the other.

In the H Lozada house, wehre we later stayed - unsure why we moved and when back then, I remeber haivng a long stair, and I would use a box as a car, and ride it down from the top of the stair.

I also remeber San Juan Fiesta - and throwing water to all passersby. Not sparing anyone. I even tossed water on a bus filled with nuns (I was a kid, so anythign goes), I was later tod that I shouldn't have done that. Worse? I found the faucet slow in filling up the pail, so I got water from the fish pond. Oh lordy, now that I think about it...bot, did that stink.

I also remeber the stick my mom used to discipline us - that was painful, until I learned to place a notebook under my pants.

Thise are my early memories. I'm sure there are others, if I think about it. I sometimes see baby pictures and youngling pictures - but tehy are simply pictures - with no connected memories. So yeah, I kinda remember these because of an emotion connected to them. But they are vaguely remebered memories. From a chronological standpoint, the N. Domingo memories are earlier ones.

Time to make Memoirs? Hmmm...

One Social Media advertisment states that by the age of 60, a person should start making their memoirs, By this time, they have had a lifetime of experiences, and "hopefully" the memories to recall them.

I'll admit to this making me curious. So what did I do? I checked out the advertisment and their approach would be to ask fifty (50) questions, and after you answer them, they will publish your answers intoa book - making up your memoirs. You can then make this a legacy of sorts for your loved ones, and maybe even friends.

I did not follow through with the needed payment for the services they offered. But it got me to wonder... what would ahve been these questions? I can imagine some of them would focus on one's chronological life... but is that it?

That said, I asked ChatGPT to come up with 50 questions that would help a person make their memoirs as they answered them, and I plan to answer them here. I may not have them published - but who knows? At least here, I can share theme to anyone.

So, I will do this, and in the process, likewise discover a bit of myself - maybe ask other friends to do the same.

An unexpected spotlight

Last Saturday evening, Toastmasters of District 75 had it's Turnover Ceremony, where the District Officers of TM year 2024-2025 were discharged (Yehey! I no longer am Division N Director?), and the District Officers for TM year 2025-2026 got sworn in. I officially became the District Disciplinarian - yes, that was how I was introduced.

Normally, I'd say I'm not too heavy on pomp and pageantry - I'm a 'keep it simple, and get things done, so we can work' kinda guy - but I understand the need for protocol, so we went through the steps, following the program. It was basically a night to honor Director Jot Chiongbian for his leading the District for one year. It may not have been a banner year with respect to getting hin=gh marks to brag ot TI, but looking at our performance within the region, our numbers were not too bad. We were a stable District showing growth wehre others were content with their status quo. Anyway, I digress.

What was different about this evening happened when Director Jot started his Valedictory Address. He discussed his term's achievenets - humble as they may seem, they were positive still. He thanked the people surrounding him, His clubs, his supporting staff, his PQD and CGD. Then he begged permission to give thanks to his Division Directors, starting with Director Jolo for Division A, and leading to me as last, for Division N. Each portion segmented to a Director was short - possible three sentences of praise, congratulations and heartfelt thanks.

Now, Division N did not grow, as we failed to add one club to our numbers. Sure there were prospects, and one even in the pipleline - but it took too long, so this club will officially join the next term, and not be part of mine - them's the breaks... at least, we tried. What we made sure of was to clean up non-performing clubs, and support the active ones. There were two stragglers whom we tried helping reform... one of them a new club - which was rather frustrating. Needless to say, I could not see any plus points for Direk Jot to add when he came to talking about me, so I was expecting a token thank you for your effort.

What happended, though was that he thanked me for certain qualites he saw in me as I was working with him - then he unexpectedly said this was something he dahred with his sister - but never shared with anyone else... I, that is, the way I acted, maybe even moved, reminde him of his dad. He saw in me qualities he related with his father who was a few years past away. I was stunned - yes, jokingly, I though... oh no, now I'll be the 'tatay' of the district. Not anymore a cool 'pogi' director admired by many, and loved by lots.

Okay, back to reality. I did however realise that Director Jot was honoring me the way he did not honor the other Directors. His father was influential, and even became responsible with him becoming a Toastmaster - so seeing in me the qualities that reminded him of his dad was a profound gift to me. I was somehow placed in that pstiion of honor by process of comparison. It was something others could not remove, nor dispute. It probably gave me some presitge points... as an elder statesman. I guess I'll take it. After all, if I were anything like his father, then that means if I play my cards right, my kids may one day be leaders in Toastmasters too... just like Jot and Pria are.

One a personal note, I nearly cried. But that's okay - I saw Jot nearly cry when we sang to him, gave him a card with a personalized poem, a bunch of roses, and an electronic album filled with pictures of us working with him for the year. So we're even in that regard. Not that I'm keeping score.